Jump Start
by Vherstinae
Summary: Slight AU: After his impromptu graduation, Naruto is assigned to a team of experienced, powerful, and slightly neurotic genin. Will he become a mighty ninja legend? Or will he die in the dirt?
1. New Beginnings

Okay, everybody! Yes, this is a new fanfiction from the chronic improver, Vherstinae! To start with, I'd like to alienate at least a few thousand of you by telling you that I don't really like Naruto as-is. I find that Kishimoto could have done a lot more with character development, and he seems to unfairly favor certain characters. To cope with my severe disdain for this tragic loss of a fabulous story idea, I have decided to try my own hand at an altered Naruto world.

So strap yourselves in. It's gonna be one hell of a ride!

**Chapter 1:**

**New Beginnings (Or: The Graduate)**

"Alright, Naruto," said Iruka Umino, his academy teacher, "open your eyes."

The young blonde looked at his sensei, and instantly noticed the dark-skinned man's lack of a hitai-ite. "Iruka-sensei, what happened to your forehead protector?"

The man smiled, and pointed at Naruto's own forehead. The youth reached up, and his fingers touched cold metal. "Congratulations, Naruto! You graduate!"

Naruto began to sniffle, and leapt onto his teacher, forgetting about the older man's rather grievous wounds. "Iruka-sensei!!!"

The teacher managed to remain on his feet, pushing Naruto back down. "Thanks for the gratitude, but I do need to go get patched up."

"What do we do about him?" asked Naruto, pointing at the battered Mizuki. As if in answer, five ANBU agents appeared from the shadows. "We'll take it from here. Good work, Iruka."

"I didn't do anything. Naruto beat Mizuki single-handedly."

One of the ANBU members stared at Naruto, his eyes burning into the boy even though they were concealed behind a mask. "…I see. That might help explain how one boy got past our best security and stole the Hokage's scroll." Seeing Naruto shift nervously, he placed a hand on the boy's shoulder. "It's not your fault, kid. And, frankly, I'm glad you did it. Not only did you help expose a traitor, but you showed a rare talent for stealth…" He trailed off as he actually took notice of Naruto's outfit. "Although how you can be stealthy in bright, traffic-light orange is beyond me."

Naruto nodded, rubbing the back of his neck. "Well, yeah, but it's all I can afford."

"Not anymore," Iruka smiled. "You're a ninja now! You can make plenty of money off of missions."

Iruka restating Naruto's graduated status just reinforced the kid's excitement. He leapt into the air, pistoning his fist toward the sky. "Yeah! I'm a ninja!!!"

—TIMESKIP—

The academy was abuzz the next day with rumors of who exposed Mizuki for a traitor and beat his ass into the ground. Of course, Sasuke's fan club was attributing the victory to him. To the last Uchiha's credit, he tried his best to refute the claims, but with negligible success. A particularly loud and rambunctious preteen, Kiba Inuzuka, shouted out that it had to have been some kickass ANBU Black Ops agent who did the work. Several others agreed with him, and they began theorizing who might have been beneath the mask.

All eyes were on Naruto as the number-one most annoying prankster in Konoha barged into the room. "Make some room! I want a seat near the front!"

Kiba snorted. "What, now you can't read? This is a graduates-only meeting!"

Naruto tapped his hitai-ite. "So what's this, moron? I graduated, too!"

"Graduated!? Bahaha! You can't even make one decent clone!"

"Yeah? Well I'm the one who beat Mizuki! That's why I graduated!"

The classroom erupted with laughter, until Iruka held up a hand to silence them. When that didn't work, he screamed at them using a volume normally reserved for shattering rock. "SHUT UP!!!" Regaining his composure and delighting at the immediate silence, Iruka continued. "Naruto really is the guy who beat Mizuki. Seeing him in action, and the fact that he managed to break into the Hokage's office unnoticed, proves that Naruto has what it takes to be a ninja." Seeing one of the class bullies about to speak up, Iruka pointed in his direction and cut him off. "And if anybody tries to contest this, you'll answer directly to the Hokage!"

Naruto took his seat next to Shino Aburame. The young man was quiet, almost eerily so, and Naruto remembered something about his family fighting with bugs, or something like that. But Shino was polite, and one of the few people who treated Naruto like a real person. Perhaps it was because Shino was used to being on the fringe of society as well, so he could relate to Naruto better than most.

Regardless, they went through their usual routine. Naruto sat down with a boisterous hello, and Shino replied with a quiet murmur assumed to be a greeting.

Iruka pulled out a long sheet of paper. "Now then, I'll list off the teams. Team One: still active. Team Two: Kai Sudo, Chake Busuza, and Juro Aike. Team Three: Still active." Since he still hadn't heard his name called, Naruto began to zone out. His peace was broken by a loud squeal. He looked back and saw Sakura ecstatic and Sasuke already in mourning. They must've been placed together. Iruka raised an eyebrow at the reaction. "Hoo-boy… Let me start again, and no shrieking this time. Team Seven: Sasuke Uchiha, Sakura Haruno, and Douza Foi." A broad-shouldered boy sighed and placed his head in his hands. He was stuck on a team with depressed elitist and a braindead fangirl…fabulous. "Team Eight: Hinata Hyuuga, Shino Aburame, Kiba Inuzuka. Team Nine: still active. Team Ten: Ino Yamanaka, Chouji Akimichi, and Shikamaru Nara." Iruka continued to ramble through the teams, and Naruto began to drift back into pseudo-sleep after Sakura's outburst.

He was awakened by a tap on the shoulder. Naruto looked up at Iruka, and then glanced around. "Hey, where's everybody else?"

The older man smiled. "They all got their teams assigned." Before he could continue, Naruto interrupted him with a distressed outburst.

"You mean I don't get a team!?"

"Now did I say that, Naruto?" The boy shook his head in reply. "Then let me continue. Because of your graduation under special circumstances, you made the numbers unbalanced. We couldn't assign you to a team, because it would force the sensei to spread his training too thin. So, the Hokage and I, and several other teachers, finally decided what to do: you're being assigned to an existing genin team, Team Three. They're experienced and already familiar with the basics, so your training won't take anything from theirs. They should be here shortly."

As if they'd been waiting for a cue, four people walked into the room. The first and oldest was obviously the sensei. He was fairly tall, but his two male genin outdistanced him by a fair margin. The man had black hair and blue eyes, and was a rather stocky fellow. His combat vest was scarred from years of use, and his bodysuit was a deep violet. "You Uzumaki?" he grunted. "I'm Yasuo Nagisa. Meet me outside the academy, near the park, in ten minutes." With that, he turned and left.

The tallest genin, a thin, spindly man of about sixteen, sighed. "There he goes again…" He turned his attention to Naruto. "Name's Dasha Ame." In the scant seconds that he had before the elder genin left, Naruto got a good look at him. Dasha was indeed tall, very tall. His dark-red hair was cut short, and laid shaggily around his head. His green eyes seemed very…calculating. He wore a dark t-shirt and olive drab, camouflage cargo pants. Over his shirt he had a thick leather jacket, presumably to soften blows. He wore the fingerless gloves of a chuunin or jounin, and seemed to carry very few weapons.

The second man, just a shade shorter than Dasha, nodded toward Naruto. "Shigeru Iwa." This guy looked like a no-nonsense mofo. He was insanely broad and heavily muscled, and wore a skin-tight black tee and gray cargos. His gloves were thick, and looked to be reinforced in all the right places to protect his fist when he punched. His black hair was in an exceedingly short crew-cut, and dark-brown eyes regarded the younger genin with base indifference.

Holding Shigeru's hand was the third member of their team, a lovely young woman with long, flaxen brown hair. Her arms and legs were wrapped in bandages for reasons currently unidentified. Blue eyes were sharp and alert, and she carried herself with a graceful stride. "And I'm Akane Hozuka."

The trio quickly followed their sensei, leaving Naruto bewildered. He turned to Iruka, and said the only thing that came to his mind.

"…What just happened?"

**AN:** So, like it? Loathe it? Comments or criticisms? Drop me a review and let me know!


	2. Meeting the Team

It should be obvious that I don't own any of the stories upon which I base my fanfictions. If that changes, I will joyously proclaim it here, and on all of my stories.

**Chapter 2:**

**Meeting the Team (Or: Prepare for Neuroses)**

Naruto wandered over to the park, where he found his new team sitting near the sandbox. Dasha was lying on a rocking dinosaur, and its spring creaked each time he shifted.

"Alright then," said Yasuo-senesi, "let's get down to business. Let's all introduce ourselves for Naruto's sake. Then he can introduce himself." A collective groan let him know his team's opinion, but Yasuo didn't really give a damn. "I'm Yasuo Nagisa, but you already knew that. I like training, and beating my idiots' brains in. I dislike slackers and idiots. My goal is… Well, I don't really know at this point. My dream for the future is to just be happy and not dead, and my hobbies include inventing new taijutsu techniques and trying to write poetry."

Without even sitting up on the dinosaur, Dasha began to speak in a half-asleep monotone. "Name's Dasha Ame. I like privacy, good conversation, and kicking ass. Don't like morons, bigots and douchebags (there is a difference). Goal is to be a badass ninja. Hobbies are guitar–" "Badly," Shigeru interjected, and was promptly belted with a rock, "–and computer games."

After rubbing his head where the rock had impacted, Shigeru realized that all eyes were on him. "Oh, heh. I'm Shigeru Iwa. I like weekends, pizza, and Akane-chan." The two smiled at one another until Dasha made a vomiting noise and mimed shoving a finger down his throat. "I dislike Dasha-dono's sarcasm, and I really hate cauliflower. My goal is to become a world-renowned ninja, and my dream for the future is…tomarryAkane-chan." The pair blushed heavily, and Dasha groaned, sliding off of the dinosaur and flopping onto the sand. Shigeru tried to continued and ignore his teammate. "My hobbies include going on dates with Akane-chan, and–" "And that's it," Dasha muttered. Shigeru shrugged in submission. "Yeah, I guess it is."

Akane looked away from Shigeru, and saw that it was her turn. "I'm Akane Hozuka. I like Shigeru-kun, dancing, and classical music. I dislike perverts and lechers, and people who think I'm weak just because I'm a girl. My goal is to become a kunoichi of such power that I could one day rival Tsunade, and my dream is the same as Shigeru's… My hobby is also the same as Shigeru-kun's." Dasha laughed. "You like going on dates with yourself?" He rolled aside just in time to avoid Akane's drop-kick.

Yasuo-sensei looked over at Naruto, who was bewildered at his new teammates' antics. "It's your turn, gaki."

The blonde suddenly sat up straight, apparently instantly hyper once again. "Okay! Okay! I'm Naruto Uzumaki! I like ramen and Sakura-chan, but I don't like the time it takes to cook ramen. And I really don't like Sasuke-baka! My goal and dream are one and the same, and it's not a dream because it will happen! I'm going to be the next Hokage, and I'll be greater than all the others! Combined! My hobbies are eating all kinds of ramen, and comparing them. Oh! And I also like training with Iruka-sensei. He buys the best ramen afterward!"

The quartet just sat blinking. Finally, Dasha was the first to voice everybody's thought. "Oh, lord…"

Naruto sat across from them, oblivious to the impression he had just cultivated. "So," he asked, already bouncing where he sat, "do we get a mission?"

Yasuo nodded, smirking. He couldn't wait to hear Dasha's reaction. "Yes, we do. And since we have a new member, fresh from the academy, it's a nice safe D-rank."

Dasha squeaked like a stepped-on chipmunk. "A D-rank!? But-but-but! But we were gonna go on that asskicking B-rank mission!"

Yasuo waved him off. "That's been given to Team Eleven." He continued talking even through Dasha's booming cry of 'GODDAMMIT!' "And, for our first mission, we are to retrieve the Daimyo's lost cat."

All three teens took in a sharp breath, and Dasha muttered, "Satan-cat…"

Naruto pointed at the tall guy and laughed. "What!? You're scared of a CAT!?"

Dasha growled. "This is no ordinary cat. I swear it's Shinigami's earthly avatar." Shigeru nodded sagely. "Yes, Naruto. Listen to Dasha. You too shall learn to fear the devil-cat."

And so it began. The torture that Team Three was forced to endure was unbelievable. From weeding gardens to catching that damn cat – again, and again, and again – the genin were utilized as facilitators of the most menial labor imaginable. Several weeks later, as Shigeru was once again being shredded by that damn cat, Dasha and Naruto cried out in unison, "Oh, dear Kami! I can't take this anymore! I need a real mission, or I'm gonna slit my wrists with a spoon!"

Upon the end of the synchronized scream, Dasha looked down at his new teammate. "You're pretty cool after all, Naruto." To which was instantly replied, "Whaddya mean, 'after all'!?" Dasha opened his mouth to comment, but Naruto cut him off. "Nevermind! We have bigger things to worry about! C'mon! Let's go make Hokage-jiji give us a better freaking mission!" Shigeru let out a whoop of joy, and handed the cat to his sensei so that he could catch up with Dasha.

As they followed the little orange ball of energy, Dasha mouthed to Shigeru, 'Hokage-jiji?' Shigeru just shrugged, disturbing Akane, who was latched onto his arm.

Yasuo-sensei stood there in the clearing, holding the furball. "Wait! What about the cat!?"

—SCENEBREAK—

Lord Sarutobi of the Village Hidden in the Leaves sat at his desk, relaxing after a long, long, insanely long day of paperwork. To reward himself, he pulled out a certain orange book, opening it to a dog-eared page. Just as he began to chuckle perversely, the doors swung open with a loud bang.

"Alright, jiji-sama! What's the idea sticking us with all these lame, mindless 'missions'? Even your moron grandson could do them!"

Sarutobi pinched the bridge of his nose, slipping the book back into hiding. At this rate he'd never know what kinky stuff Ichiro and Maya would get into… "Naruto, these missions are, as you called them, 'mindless' because you need the practice before you go off on real, potentially deadly missions. Anything higher than these D-ranked missions carries with it the heavy risk of death."

Naruto growled in frustration. "So what? I'm ready! And besides, I've got Yasuo-sensei and the rest of Team Three to help me! Shigeru's crazy-tough, Akane's a graceful fighter, and Dasha's crazy-smart!"

Dasha nodded, eyes closed and arms folded across his chest as he leaned against the door frame. "Confusion say: man who sits on toilet tank is high on pot."

Shigeru held up a finger and opened his mouth to respond, but no words came out. He just strangled the air in front of Dasha's throat.

The Sandaime Hokage sighed, and relented. "Fine. I had an escort mission come in, and I was going to give it to Team Nine. But, if it'll get you off my back, you can take it." He pushed the call button to his receptionist. "Send in the bridge builder."

Staggering past Dasha came a drunken old man carrying a two-thirds empty bottle of high-proof sake. "Where's my escort, then?"

Dasha blinked. "This dude's our mission?" He leaned in to look at the old guy, who promptly sneezed in the genin's face. Dasha reared back like a stuck bull, and looked at the Hokage. "Can we change it to an assassination mission and still get paid?"

Sarutobi shook his head. "It's this, or doing the dishes for the Blue Plate restaurant."

Naruto sighed. "Can we think about it?"

Akane suddenly called out, "Huddle!" The quintet, sensei included, formed into a circle. "Okay guys," she said, "I really want to kill this douchebag already, but I also don't want to do dishes and have it be called a mission. I vote we take him where he needs to go, and maybe break his kneecaps when we get there."

"If we get to break his kneecaps, I'm totally in," said Dasha.

"Anything so long as we don't have to chase that damned cat again," Shigeru sighed.

Yasuo-sensei nodded. "Then it's settled." They broke the huddle, and Yasuo bowed slightly to the Hokage. "We'll take the escort mission, Hokage-sama."

The Sandaime smiled. "Very good. You may leave whenever you feel."

Tazuna punctuated the conversation with a nice echoing belch. "Well? Move your asses! You work for me now!"

Dasha cracked his knuckles. "Just get him there, just get him there…THEN I can break his knees…"

Naruto groaned. What group of madpeople had he gotten involved with!?

As the doors swung shut, Sarutobi pulled out his latest copy of Icha Icha Paradise. "Ooh, Ichiro! That's just nasty," he giggled as a small droplet of blood dripped from his nose.


	3. A Journey of a Thousand Miles

Okay everybody, here's the third chapter of Jump Start! For fans of my other story, I have not forgotten about it, nor have I given up. My muse tends to wander around slitting random throats, and I have to follow it with a roll of paper towels. Don't blame me for slow updates; blame scheduling, college classes, and my subconscious' refusing to fork over the goods. Okay then, ON WITH THE FIC!!!

**Chapter 3:**

**A Journey of a Thousand Miles (Or: Travels with a Drunken Bum)**

Tazuna spent the entire walk to the village gates complaining, and the griping continued outside. Akane was muttering some VERY colorful words under her breath, Dasha was still cracking his knuckles and looking at the bridge builder with bad intent, Shigeru just staggered along hopelessly, and Naruto was complaining about Tazuna's complaining. At this point, Yasuo was ready to slit his own throat.

Everyone took notice when Naruto stopped talking and looked up at the sky. "What is it?" asked Dasha.

"Well, it doesn't look like it's rained recently, but there are puddles on the ground."

"Very observant," said a new voice. Two forms rose out of the puddles: men in ragged cloaks. They had the same eyes and haircut, and wore massive rebreathers over their mouth and nose. On each man's right hand was a gargantuan metal claw. From the underside of each claw issued forth a long, spiked chain. The two men ran in opposite directions, forming concentric circles around Yasuo-sensei. Just as they were about to pull the chains taut, something invisible sheared through the steel links, sending them clattering to the ground.

Shigeru grabbed one of the men, and immediately proceeded to beat the ever-loving crap out of him. There was no technique, no rhyme or reason. It was simply whaling on the guy. He held the man down with one hand and brought the other fist crashing into the ninja's head over and over again.

Akane took the other one. The bandages around her arms suddenly unraveled, and she manipulated her chakra through them to launch the wrappings at her opponent. They caught around the man's clawed wrist, and held him fast. Several more wrapped about his neck and shoulders. The assassin chuckled. "You think this'll stop me?"

Akane smirked. "No, but this will." A mote of orange light streaked down each extended bandage. In the time it took to even register the appearance of the lights, they had struck the man and exploded with incredible force. His body rocked from side to side with the blasts, but the bandages held him mostly in place, making the concussive results even more devastating.

Both men, now unconscious, were tied to a tree and had their hands bound in chakra cuffs. No hand signs, no escape techniques. Dasha walked up and woke them. He gently reached up a hand to pat them on the cheeks, but thought better of it and just slugged them both instead. The men reared back with grunts of indignation. With their rebreathers removed, Yasuo could see their faces and look them up in his bingo book. "…The so-called 'Demon Brothers' of Kirigakure. What are you jokers doing here?"

One of the brothers spat at Yasuo's feet. "We ain't tellin' you shit, old man!"

Yasuo Nagisa's eye twitched, and he growled loud and low. "Who are you calling old?" He marched up to them. "Talk." When he received another unpleasant response in the negative, he held a kunai to one man's neck, looking to the other one. "Tell me what I want to know, or I kill your brother." He dragged the blade lightly across the man's throat, leaving a thin cut from which blood began to bubble out.

"Okay, okay!" the man immediately relented. "My name is Gosu, and my brother you're cutting up is Mesu. We were hired by a man named Gatou to kill that drunkard over there."

Dasha raised an eyebrow, and looked at Tazuna. "I thought you said on your paperwork that you only had minor problems. That the worst we could expect would be bandits and maybe a racketeer."

Being caught in his lie seemed to sober the old man quite swiftly. "…We don't have the money to pay for anything more than a C-rank. That's why I need to finish that bridge. When the last attack came, we all evacuated the town. Everyone made their way back but me, and I'm the chief architect. We need to finish that bridge! If we can, then gangsters like Gatou can no longer control us! Please, could we pay you in increments? Whatever rank you decide to raise this to, we can pay you some now and the rest after trade resumes."

Flipping closed a cellular phone, Yasuo motioned for Tazuna to continue. "I just called the Interrogations division. They'll be here shortly for these twits," he gestured at Mesu and Gosu. "In the meantime, while we decide what to do, maybe you should tell us the entire story, Tazuna."

The old man nodded, sitting down. "Gatou was just an upstart little punk bitch when this all began, but he started gathering power by extorting small island towns. He had some lowlife pirates in his employ, and began to limit trade by waterway. We in Wave Country are an isolated island community, so we have no means of contact with the mainland save by water. We're too poor to build or maintain an airport, and we have no navy to speak of. With Gatou's control of the ocean, we have no chance of survival without that bridge. His men have already sucked us dry of all money, and are now starting to force us to pay in…alternative methods."

"What's that mean?" Naruto whispered to Shigeru.

"Women," the big man replied. Seeing that Naruto didn't understand, the older genin elaborated. "They molest and force the women to have sex with them."

Naruto leapt to his feet and cried out. "That's it! I don't care what rank this mission becomes! We can't let someone get away with this! I'm in this all the way!"

Dasha raised a hand. "I second that emotion."

Yasuo smiled. "Well, I suppose the motion carries." He was about to make a witty comment, but was cut off by his phone ringing. "Yes? Yes, Hokage-sama. I'll tell them." He closed the phone and turned to his team. "The Hokage has ruled that, should we continue with the mission, as it seems we are, it will currently be deemed a B-rank unless circumstances alter it further."

Dasha began to do a little dance as he realized that they had another B-rank mission. Akane tripped him, causing him to fall into Shigeru, who promptly slapped him in the back of the head.

"So, you're really going to help me?" Tazuna asked, infinitely hopeful.

Yasuo nodded. "Yep. The team's hell-bent on it, and I have to say I'm now emotionally invested in this, too."

The old man actually got teary-eyed. "Th-thank you! When we get to town, you can all stay at my house! We don't have much, but maybe we can pay some of your fee in room and board! Would you object to guarding us until the bridge is finished?"

"Not at all," said Dasha. "It'll give me a good excuse to practice some of my more…unorthodox techniques." Akane followed this comment with one of her own. "Yeah, he says unorthodox. We say illegal and deadly."

Dasha spun and pointed at her. "You know nothing! Ask me no questions and I give you no answers!"

—TIMESKIP—

Everyone was on-edge from that point, drawing kunai in response to the slightest sound. A day later, as they walked through a particularly thin patch of forest, Naruto noticed a rustling in the bushes. "Guys! Somebody's hiding in there," he whispered.

The group tensed, and Yasuo struck into the shrub. He withdrew a snow-white rabbit, and Naruto immediately grabbed it, hugging it and squeezing the life out of the poor thing. "Oh, poor bunny! I almost got you killed!"

Their sensei placed a hand on Naruto's shoulder. "Put down the rabbit, Naruto. It shouldn't be here. That hare is snowy white. In this habitat, it should be brown or gray at this time of year. It was placed here by someone, and I'll bet it was–LOOK OUT!!!"

The entire group hit the deck, Shigeru tackling Tazuna to the ground, as an utterly massive sword came flying toward them, shearing through many of the thinner trees. It lodged in a thick willow, and a man in gray-camouflage cargos appeared atop the blade. "…They sent me to kill a bunch of kids?" The man pinched the bridge of his nose. "I have GOT to renegotiate my contract… Okay then, who wants to die first?"

Yasuo tensed. "This Gatou bastard must be rich to be able to afford you, Demon of the Mist… Zabuza Momochi!" He drew a pair of heavy, curved knives. The blade was on the inside of the curve, and the small blades looked like they could rend through flesh with terrifying ease.

Zabuza stepped off of his sword, and wrenched it from the bark. "Ah, so I'm in your bingo book, Yasuo Nagisa. I hadn't expected the Mad Dog to have his own little pups."

Yasuo rotated his kukris in his hands, the familiarity of their weight a much-needed comfort. "Are you sure you want to throw your life away doing this? Fighting for money? Surely you have more pride than that, Momochi."

Zabuza said nothing. Instead, he made several hand signs and the surrounding area became shrouded in mist. "You inland folk aren't used to seeing through the thick fog of my homeland. You're in my world now, and you have no chance."

As the four genin took up defensive positions around Tazuna, Zabuza appeared in the middle of them. "Such a pity; I'll bet you all had such fabulous potential."

In reply, Shigeru belted him in the face with a heavy-handed punch that sent even the S-class criminal reeling. The bandages around his mouth and nose began to stain red. Zabuza reached up and touched his face, scowling when he felt the warm substance. "You broke my nose, you little bastard." He swung his massive blade, the Kubikiri Houcho (the Neck Splitter or Head Cleaver, depending on how you read it) directly at Shigeru. The teen had no time to get out of the way, but Dasha had enough time to interpose himself between the two. He motioned as though he was wrapping his fingers through an invisible substance, and then pulled them apart. It was as though he were holding transparent yarn between his fingers. The blade fell between Dasha's outstretched hands, and suddenly slowed! It smacked against the genin's forehead, but left a bruise instead of a fatal gash.

Dasha spun to the side, drawing a kunai and going for Zabuza's ribs. In the meantime, Akane lashed out with her bandages, managing to restrain the jounin's right arm for a moment. Shigeru charged to deliver another bone-crushing blow to Zabuza's gut, but was deterred by the swinging of that huge sword.

Unnoticed by all, Naruto had snuck up behind Zabuza. He lifted his kunai, and plunged it deep into the criminal's back! The Mist nin roared in pain, delivering a back-kick to Naruto's ribs and laying him out on the dirt.

In the few seconds that it took for all of this to transpire, Yasuo was running like a madman to reach his team. "Break!" he shouted. The veteran Team Three members, familiar with the term and its prerequisites, immediately scattered as their sensei leapt at Zabuza, kukris glinting. The small, swift blades bit into the criminal's wrist, shoulders and sides, before the Kubikiri Houcho swept through Yasuo's body. The cloven jounin smirked, before he exploded in a shower of kunai and shuriken. Zabuza cried out, and his body disintegrated into a puddle.

"You have to tell me what that was, Nagisa," said Zabuza as he rose out of the nearby lake.

Yasuo smirked. "That was what I call the Blade Clone. When you kill it, it kills you."

Zabuza charged Yasuo, spinning the Neck Splitter around his body as he did. It was an impressive skirmish, to say the least. Zabuza's huge, sweeping blows were countered by swift, metered strikes from Yasuo. The way he leapt about the battlefield, swinging his blades like an enraged animal, it was easy to see why his opponents had begun likening him to a rabid dog.

"Dasha!" Yasuo shouted as he dodged another blow, "Take up a defensive position around Tazuna! Total protection!"

"Yes sir," was Dasha's only response. He shuffled back to stand before the bridge builder and crossed his arms over his chest, his wrists each touching the opposite shoulder. His fingers were splayed out, and the genin could feel a strange aura of power permeate the air. "Tazuna, please DO NOT MOVE. Not even an inch. Trust me, it'll end very badly for you." The old man complied readily. He was too staggered by the battle between the jounin to even think about moving, anyway.

Zabuza leapt away from Yasuo, making hand signs in midair. A clone coalesced out of the mist, and the two Zabuzas double-teamed the Konoha sensei. Twin sweeping blades forced Yasuo out onto the water, where he was immediately accosted and trapped in a Water Prison. "So, Nagisa, what now?"

Yasuo smirked. "Oh, Momochi… You're not going to like it." He reared back his head, and shouted, "Okay guys! Plan K!"

Naruto looked to Akane. "Plan K?" Akane nodded. "The K stands for 'Kick Ass.'"

Dasha dropped his defensive stance. "So, the usual?"

Shigeru nodded. "And I think we can add in an Uzumaki twist!"

Akane pulled out a scroll, and unsealed a huge shuriken. She scratched a kunai across its surface, and the blades lit aflame! She hurled the weapon at Zabuza's clone as Shigeru simultaneously charged the copy. The clone easily dodged the shuriken, and kept Shigeru at bay with that huge sword. Suddenly, however, it blinked and grunted in pain, before disintegrating.

The real Zabuza caught the shuriken, and suddenly a second one appeared just beneath the first! He barely managed to bat it aside, and the second shuriken transformed back into Naruto in a puff of smoke! He hurled several kunai at the jounin, and Zabuza drew the Neck Splitter to block them all. In that instant, the criminal felt a slicing pain in the arm that held Yasuo prisoner. He looked down to see it bleeding profusely. Following the trail of droplets sitting on an invisible surface, he traced them back to Dasha! The genin waved cheekily before trusting his hand forward. A massive rush of air was quickly followed by land and water being churned and sliced. The Kubikiri Houcho couldn't protect Zabuza. He could only leap aside.

As soon as contact with the water dome was ceased, Yasuo leapt for his opponent. Unable to deal with all of these attackers at once, Zabuza was caught at least partially off-guard by Yasuo's sudden vehemence. The tiny blades bit deep into the criminal's flesh, spraying blood into the misty air and causing the fog to take on a sanguine tint.

Zabuza staggered back, and Yasuo saw his opening! Crossing his arms in a scissoring motion, he brought them apart to cleave Zabuza's head from his body! In that instant, several senbon pierced the Mist nin's spine, and he dropped limp, out of Yasuo's reach. The kukris impacted nothing as the cleaved the air.

A Mist hunter-nin appeared on the water, reaching under and pulling out Zabuza's limp body. "Thanks for holding him in place. I've been tracking him for months, but I couldn't take him in a fight." The nin looked around. "…Normally I'd get to work right now, but there are too many potential witnesses. Farewell, Leaf ninja." The hunter nin of ambiguous gender disappeared with Zabuza in tow.

Yasuo shook his head. "I'll bet you Naruto's next lunch bill that we haven't seen the last of Zabuza."

Dasha snickered. "And I'll bet you double-or-nothing that that little hunter-nin was his toady. So nice of him to intervene just before you struck the killing blow."

Akane patted a very soggy Naruto on the shoulder. "You did great, Naruto! I can't believe you were able to sneak up behind him and stab him point-blank!" Yasuo agreed wholeheartedly. "Yeah, we can't let a gift like that go to waste. When we get to Tazuna's house, I'm giving you special stealth training."

The jounin sensei looked back at a stunned and thoroughly shaken bridge architect. "Well? You coming, or not? After all, you're the only one who knows the way."

**AN:** Well, what'd you think of the first two fight scenes of my newest story? Did I portray the action well enough? What did you think of the characters and their abilities? Like them? Loathe them? Have thoughts on turkey chili? Share all these and more in a review! They make me feel fuzzy inside!


	4. Training and Preparations

**Chapter 4:**

**Training and Preparations (Or: Motivations)**

Naruto held his breath, as the tiny gondola glided across the still water. The thick fog reminded him of the fight against Zabuza, and the deathly silence didn't help ease his nervousness.

"We can't afford to be heard," Tazuna whispered. "No motors; they're too noisy. Even my whisper will carry for a long way in this weather. Gatou would just love to get his grubby little hands on me…"

Dasha stretched his chakra threads, ready for a fight at a moment's notice. Shigeru held several shuriken in his large palm, and Akane was armed to the teeth, quite literally, with kunai. Yasuo-sensei held a decidedly odd weapon for a ninja: a pistol and silencer. While impractical and noisy, and typically easy for one with good chakra control to disarm it, a pistol was still great in an ambush. Yasuo could get off one or two fatal shots before he would be forced to switch to conventional ninja weapons.

As for Naruto, his orange jumpsuit had been inverted. The white lining blended better with the fog, but it did make him very cold. He sat in the middle, next to Tazuna.

The entire time that they'd been traveling across the water, their rower had said nothing. Finally, he looked at Yasuo and murmured, "Are you really going to save us from Gatou?" Seeing the jounin's nod in the affirmative, the middle-aged man continued. "If you get the chance, kill Gatou, and kill him slow. He murdered my daughter. Killed her right in front of me because I was too poor to pay his 'insurance' fee…" By this time, the rower had tightened his grip on his oar to the point where Yasuo feared the pine would splinter in the man's hand.

The jounin sensei nodded solemnly. "You have my word, sir. If I have the chance to kill him, I will do so." The rower gave a sad semblance of a smile, and once more trained his eyes on the ocean before them.

An uneasy quiet set in over the ninja, and they could feel themselves soaking in the collective suffering of an entire nation under the thumb of a madman.

—SCENEBREAK—

The group climbed out of the gondola, and Tazuna paid the rower. "Get home safe," he muttered as the man pushed off back into the open water. The old man turned back inland, and pointed northwest. "My house is that way. If we hurry, we'll be there before my daughter serves dinner."

Like most other events in Wave country, the walk to Tazuna's house was a depressing affair.

The ninja strode through a small subset of the already tiny nation, and saw the effects of Gatou's oppression. Every house was boarded up, and most were leaning dangerously to one side or another. Naruto, even in situations such as this, was still hyper and curious. He wandered to the fringe of the group, peering in windows. What he saw made him physically ill. People were still living in those condemned, mold-ridden, cockroach-infested slums. It was not an existence Naruto would wish on anyone, not even the cruelest people he knew. These people were emaciated and covered in sores and open, untreated wounds. Their hair was long and scraggly, caked with dirt and blood. Their eyes sunk deep into their skulls, and held no light. They were like little glass beads. Tiny fires had been started in the center of one room or another, and the destitute, uncouth families would gather around it and roast whatever they had managed to catch; usually rats or insects.

Naruto felt something warm on his face, and reached up to feel tears flowing freely. He turned to his teammates, and saw mixed reactions. Akane was just as teary-eyed as he was, and Shigeru was biting on his lip to keep from crying. Yasuo-sensei looked completely enraged, and Dasha had just gone entirely robotic. The group hustled along, not wanting to be in this place of sorrow and horror any longer than absolutely necessary.

—SCENEBREAK—

Zabuza Momochi lay on a bed, as he had for the last day or so. His apprentice was beginning to worry if a senbon had struck too close to home. Finally, the Demon of the Mist coughed and opened his eyes, staring up at his young partner. "Haku, wasn't that cutting it a bit close?"

The masked youth nodded. "Yes, it was. But it couldn't be helped. Nagisa was all over you, and I didn't have the chance to line up a proper shot. It was either take what I had, or pick up your pieces."

Zabuza was obviously offended by the thought that he could have lost, but he finally relented. "…I suppose. Good work, Haku. Help me up." He started to sit up, when the teenage assassin placed a hand on his chest.

"No, Zabuza-niisan. You shouldn't move from this bed for at least three days. If you try, you might overload your nerves and become paralyzed. I clipped a nerve in your spine, I'm ashamed to admit."

The jounin grumbled slightly, but laid back down. At that moment, Gatou entered. "So, how's the 'patient,' Haku?"

"Conscious and pissed," Zabuza replied. "I got sloppy and arrogant, thinking that I could take Nagisa without accounting for his brats. The kids have talent, I'll give them that. But next time, I'm bringing Haku from the start, and we're killing the little bastards along with Yasuo."

Gatou grinned. "Yes…yes, that would be most desirable. Tell you what, Zabuza: you bring me Nagisa's head, and I'll double your pay."

"I can do that," the S-class nukenin grinned.

—SCENEBREAK—

Tazuna led his bodyguards to a rather large house in the wilderness. "We've been spared most of Gatou's raids by being this far out in the boonies. Plus, the acreage gives me plenty of room to store my building supplies."

The door of the house swung open, and a beautiful woman in her mid-thirties stepped out. "Dad! I hadn't expected you here for another hour or two! Dinner isn't anywhere near ready!" She looked past Tazuna to the five ninja behind him. "Uh, who are these men?" she asked, afraid.

"Relax, Tsunami. They're Leaf ninja, here to save us from Gatou."

Tazuna's daughter, identified as Tsunami, began to sniffle, crying with joy. "R-really? Oh, look at me! I must look like a wreck! Please, come in! Make yourselves at home! Our house is yours!"

As they filtered in, Naruto got a moment alone with his sensei. "Yasuo-sensei, why is Dasha so quiet all of a sudden?"

Yasuo folded his arms across his chest. "That's really for Dasha to share with you, Naruto. It's his choice to tell you if you ask him, but I'll warn you that it's a painful subject. I'd recommend that you hold off on asking him for a while."

The group entered the house, and Tsunami called out for her son. "Inari, Grandpa's home! And he brought friends!"

A little boy in a fisherman's hat came sidling around the corner. Noticing the ninja, he asked, "Who are you guys?"

"They're ninja, from the Leaf village!" proclaimed Tsunami. "They're here to save us from Gatou!"

Inari glared at the quintet. "What's the point!? You're all gonna die anyway! Why'd you even bother coming?" Tsunami tried to scold him, but the boy would not be silenced. "No matter what you do, you'll never be able to save anyone!"

Before anyone else could say another word, Naruto had grabbed Inari by the scruff of his shirt and hauled the child up to his face. "What'd you say, brat!? You think we're gonna die!?" He dropped the kid to the ground, where he landed with a thud. "What the hell do you know about us, huh? We're gonna kick Gatou's ass! Just you wait!"

Tears dripped from Inari's bloodshot eyes, and the child ran to his room and locked the door. Naruto raised an eyebrow. "What just happened? I didn't even hit him, and he started crying!"

Tsunami looked down at the floor, a sorrowful expression on her face. "Perhaps I should tell you the story of Inari's fathers." She led them to the kitchen, and began dishing out food while talking. "Inari's biological father died before he was born, of a disease he had contracted on the high seas. When Inari was four, we had a newcomer to the village. Now, I'm not sure how it works in Konoha, but around here we don't get many new faces, so this man stood out. Even more so, he was easily recognizable because shortly after moving here, he helped save the city from a horrible flood. He swam against an astounding current, and tied lines to houses, flagpoles, and other sturdy structures. We used these lines to rescue those washed away by the waters. It was with his help alone that we all survived the flood.

"But then, Gatou came to the land of Wave. That monster immediately began to extort and torture our people, and Inari came home, bringing the news of Gatou to our household. At this point, the former newcomer had become a father figure to Inari, and was courting me." She stopped for a moment, to clarify. "And please do forgive me if I only use ambiguous terms for this wonderful man… It's still too soon, and it's so painful to speak his name. Someone once said his name in front of Inari, and my little boy broke down crying in an instant…" Tsunami stopped to dab her eyes with a tissue. "…This brave, brave man stood up against Gatou and his men; he even fought several of them and won. But then Gatou brought the full force of his business's dark side down upon our little country. The newest love of my life was the first man brought before Gatou. That monster had him held down, and personally ran him through… He made Inari, Pop and myself watch…" She trailed off, starting to cry. Tazuna stood up and led her to the table, while Yasuo dished out the rest of the food, remembering to save some for Inari to eat later.

Dasha was still silent, but the remaining three genin were livid. Naruto leapt to his feet. "That's it! I'll kill that bastard myself!!! Inari says we're gonna die; I say he just doesn't have enough faith in people! So I'll say it again: we're going to finish that bridge, kill Gatou, and save your entire country! BELIEVE IT!!!"

—TIMESKIP—

Naruto was awakened by Yasuo-sensei poking him with a kunai. "Get up, Naruto. You're so lazy… Dasha, Shigeru and Akane are already training."

Naruto made several odd sounds before stumbling on language. "Urmgh… Yasuo-sensei, what time is it?" Yasuo smirked. "It's four o'clock." Naruto sat bolt-upright. "IN THE MORNING!?"

Yasuo laughed aloud, nodding. "That's right, in the morning. Now get up before I light your hair on fire."

Naruto finally acquiesced, and ushered Yasuo out of his room so he could get dressed in peace. Donning his familiar roadwork-orange jumpsuit, he staggered outside to the most spectacular sight he'd ever witnessed.

Dasha, Akane and Shigeru were engaged in a three-way, free-for-all battle royal… on TOP of the nearby lake! They were shuffling across the water like it was solid ground!

Yasuo waited a moment or two for Naruto's jaw to reattach to his skull, and then patted the child on the shoulder. "You'll learn how to do that soon enough; for now, though, I want you to learn how to climb a tree."

Naruto managed to tear his eyes away from the bizarre skirmish long enough to look at Yasuo. "But sensei, I already know how to climb a tree. See?" He scampered up the tree like a chipmunk.

Yasuo barked a laugh. "Very good, Naruto. Now do it without using your hands."

Naruto's eyes bugged out. "How do I do THAT!?"

"Well, Naruto, it's very simple. It's—" At that moment, Akane, who had begun to retreat, leapt onto the tree beside Yasuo, hanging upside-down, stuck to the tree by the soles of her feet. She soon sprang off, dodging strikes from Dasha, who was in turn parrying Shigeru's heavy-handed blows. Akane launched her bandages at Dasha, wrapping one around his neck. He sliced through it with a kunai, and kept up his momentum. Shigeru grabbed him by the ankle, swinging him into the floor and receiving a boot in the face for his trouble. Dasha broke free and delivered several surgical strikes to Shigeru's joints before taking off after Akane once more. Staggering to his feet, Shigeru began to chase after his comrades.

Yasuo watched the trio run off. "…Well, it's like that." He looked at Naruto. "Well? Why haven't you started yet!?"

The frightened young men immediately ran up the tree, and promptly fell off, landing on his head.

—MEANWHILE—

Akane leapt backward through the trees, only occasionally looking to see where she was going. She was more interested in seeing where she'd been. Especially when Dasha and Shigeru were chasing her. Sighting movement to her right, Akane launched a barrage of kunai, resulting in scaring the piss out of a poor squirrel who was only trying to retrieve some acorns.

While Akane was inconveniencing local rodents, Dasha had a much bigger problem on his hands. Namely, a huge melee genin named Shigeru. The pair had doubled back to the lake once more, and Dasha was utilizing the open space to fullest effect. With nothing in the way, he could weave a complex web of chakra threads. Unfortunately, for as big and focused on taijutsu as Shigeru was, the stocky genin had a staggering amount of chakra. Each time Dasha would set up the perfect trap, Shigeru would perform a Kai seal and release a pulse of chakra sufficiently massive to shatter Dasha's offense.

Finally, Dasha just drew his kama and charged. The single-handed scythe whistled through the air before halting as Shigeru gripped Dasha's wrist. The red-haired ninja smirked, and lashed out with a whip of chakra. With one of Shigeru's hands occupied with restraining him, there was no way the broader teen could perform a Release seal. Shigeru decided to cut his losses, letting go Dasha's arm so that he could roll away from the Ame teen's whip of death. As Shgeru rolled aside, Dasha caught him in the jaw with a roundhouse kick, knocking him back upright. Dasha spun, delivering a vertical kick to his teammate's chin. Dasha's heel dug into Shigeru's jaw, launching him into the air. As the stocky teen hurtled skyward, Dasha launched a spiraling blast of razor-sharp chakra threads. He stopped them just before they reached Shigeru, and the bigger genin smirked sadly. "Yep, I lost again." Dasha nodded, grinning, as Shigeru fell into the water with a splash.

Before Dasha could gloat, seven strips of cloth wrapped around him! Akane stood at the treeline, laughing to herself. "Finally gotcha, Dasha!"

Dasha wagged a finger and exploded, sending a shower of bladed weaponry flying toward Akane. The edged weapons heading her way stopped in midair as Dasha appeared behind her, restraining the objects' flight with his chakra threads. "You lose, Akane." She was obviously frustrated, but took the loss gracefully.

The victor helped his friends into a nice, comfortable, dry clearing, where Shigeru warmed himself by a fire while Akane roasted marshmallows. "Good fight today," Dasha smiled. "Maybe we can do it again sometime."

His teammates looked at one another, nodded, and leapt on him with absurd battle cries. Akane was just wailing, while Shigeru screamed, "Hong Kong Phooey!"

—SCENEBREAK—

Hours after he had started, Naruto still had yet to climb that damn tree! At Yasuo's instruction, he had begun scratching lines in the tree to mark where he would reach at the end of a climb. He had managed to make it all the way up the trunk, but still couldn't stand in one place, nor could he climb up to the branches. He definitely couldn't hang upside down like Akane and Yasuo-sensei had demonstrated.

The little ball of energy was totally drained at this point, lying at the bottom of the tree and panting like an animal. Yasuo paced around him, clucking his tongue in a decidedly condescending manner. "You'll never beat anybody with a performance that abysmal. You won't be able to beat Sasuke, or Dasha, or Zabuza. And you certainly won't get Sakura's attention looking that clumsy."

Naruto growled, and spoke through gritted teeth. "You think I don't know that!? I'm not slacking off, here! I've never done anything like this before!"

Yasuo shook his head. "It shouldn't be this hard; it's just like sticking a kunai to your hand, only on a larger scale."

Naruto groaned. "Sticking a kunai to your hand? What's all that about?"

His sensei raised an eyebrow. "They never taught you to balance a kunai on your finger using your chakra?"

"They might have taught everybody else, but…" He trailed off, eyes misting over as he looked away. Yasuo approached Naruto. "Gaki, be specific. What do you mean, 'they might have taught everybody else'?"

Naruto shook his head. "No, I don't want to be a burden…" At increased prompting from his teacher, he elaborated. "Well, a lot of the time, the teachers would tell me I did something bad, and would make me go sit in the hall! I never even did anything! …So, I started pulling pranks. If they were gonna accuse me of doing stuff anyway, I might as well get to have the fun of actually doing it."

Yasuo clenched his fist. He knew that many people blamed Naruto for the devastation wrought by the Kyuubi, but he hadn't expected professional academy teachers to succumb to such infantile tactics. Great Kami, it was no wonder he was so stunted in basic ninja skills! He'd never been taught the fundamentals in the first place! Yasuo flipped open his cell phone and called up Dasha and company. "Guys, take five from killing each other. Naruto needs some special training. Yeah, those bastards kept crucial information from him. I want each of you to cover what he missed. Shigeru, you'll cover taijutsu. Akane, you'll educate Naruto in proper chakra control. Dasha, you'll cover ninjutsu and application of chakra control. Basically, I want you all to show him how to be a real ninja." Without waiting for their responses, Yasuo hung up. It was a command, not a request.

He lowered his hand and helped Naruto to his feet. "C'mon, let's go get some dinner. We'll start your real training tomorrow."

As Naruto staggered toward the house, Yasuo spared one more glance at the scarred tree. The kunai marks left in the bark were the same that he'd expect from a top academy graduate, and Naruto had done it without any chakra training at all. That boy would be a force to reckon with once he got some proper training.

—TIMESKIP—

The next day (or Day 1 of The Week of Torture, as Naruto called it) was spent with Akane, as she tutored Naruto in all of the lessons he'd missed. It helped, of course, that he thought she was cute. Made it easier for her to get him to listen.

As the day wound down, Akane had finally gotten Naruto comfortable enough to the point where he could chat with her as though she weren't tutoring him. "Akane-neechan?"

"Yeah, Naruto-kun?"

He stood on the base of the tree, one foot stuck to the trunk. He'd managed to adhered one foot to the trunk, but currently refused to try walking up the tree. "Mind if I ask why you became a ninja?"

Akane went to answer, but stopped and thought about it. "Well, the simple answer is that my entire family is a ninja clan. This is the family business. But the long answer… I suppose I became a ninja to be able to protect my family and myself. I see too many women in purely domestic jobs, trusting on their spouses, children or friends to do much of the work for them. They're all so…weak. I could never see myself become complacent like that, so I decided to not even give it a chance. I'm going to become a mighty kunoichi, and make my entire family famous as the folks who raised Akane Hozuka!"

Naruto laughed a bit. "You're so dramatic, Akane-neechan."

She folded her arms across her chest. "Oh yeah? How about you? Why'd you become a ninja?"

"I became a ninja so I can get strong enough to be the next Hokage! Then everybody'll stop disrespecting me and start treating me like a person!"

Akane looked down, thinking of what a hard life Naruto must have had if becoming Hokage was the only way he could see to be treated like a human being. "…Naruto, why is everyone so mean to you?"

Naruto looked away. "It's nothing I did, I can tell you that. They hate me for what happened when I was born… I know this goes completely against the ninja code, but I can't tell you just yet. I have to be willing to trust you with more than my life before I tell you."

With that, he changed the subject, and started trying to climb the tree once again. This left Akane pondering just what could be horrible that, just to tell her what it was, he'd need to be able trust her with more than his very life.

——

The next day took a break from chakra and just went straight into combat. The instant Naruto had set foot in the yard, Shigeru had charged him with a hammer-fist strike. Now, hours later, the pair were eating s'mores around a bonfire, as Shigeru waxed theoretical on what techniques would be best for Naruto.

"…And it's obvious that you have a real talent for heavy combat, but you're even more gifted when it comes to stealth. I think we need to teach you a combination of feints, flips, and straightforward blows. You'll be able to switch at-will between slippery, rapid-fire attacks and single-strike haymakers. It'll make you a very versatile combatant, lemme tell you."

As Naruto took another bite of his marshmallow/graham cracker/chocolate treat, he asked the same question that he'd asked Akane. "Shigeru, why did you become a ninja?"

The big man grinned. "That's quite the story. Y'see, my family lives on the outskirts of Fire Country, in the mountains near Earth Country. That's actually why my family name is Iwa; our family techniques revolve around manipulating stone. But, my father had given up the way of the ninja. That is, until bandits attacked our village. Presumably they'd been heading to the Hidden Rock Village, but decided to stop over and steal all of our things. Now, my dad didn't take too kindly to that, and he showed them his displeasure by crushing every bone in their bodies. After I saw that display and heard the stories of the old clan, I knew I wanted to be a ninja and revive my clan traditions. I'm the next generation master ninja of the Iwa clan!"

This answer was invariably followed by Shigeru asking why Naruto became a ninja, which was met with the same response Naruto had given Akane.

——

Day 3 was a living hell. Dasha was a slave-driving teacher, pushing Naruto beyond his limits to the point where the boy was sure he would die. He began by forcing the preteen to form blades of chakra on his fingertips, and cut into a tree's trunk with them. This training dovetailed into practice with hand seals. Naruto quickly found that he was forcing plain too much chakra into his hands, and much of it was being dispersed into the air and lost! The duo worked hard to rectify this situation, and soon had Naruto summoning shadow clones with negligible chakra loss! Since the younger nin was only familiar with several jutsu, they could only focus on what few he knew. Dasha did his best to teach Naruto several more effective combat ninjutsu, such as the Grand Fireball, but with minimal success. After Naruto shot fire out of his nose, which was painful for him and hilarious for his teacher, they decided to call it a day.

The pair trudged back from the lake's edge, where Naruto had been practicing the katon ninjutsu, and Naruto asked the same question he had of his other teammates. "Dasha, why'd you become a ninja?"

The tall, gangly genin shrugged. "Seemed like the best option available."

Naruto raised an eyebrow. "What's that mean?"

Dasha sighed. "You know how I froze up and went all robotic when we saw those poor people in that village?" Receiving a nod in reply, he continued. "I was an orphan, living in squalor much like that. One day, as I was fighting off bullies, Yasuo-sensei saw me and chased off the bigger kids. He told me that I had some rare potential, and offered me the chance to become a ninja, if I was willing to work for it. Basically, he'd pay my tuition for the ninja academy and provide me with room and board if I did work for him. I agreed, and graduated at the top of my class. I was placed with Shigeru and Akane, and we've been kicking ass ever since." He stopped to take a deep breath. "When I see people suffering like that, it reminds me of where I came from, and just how lucky I was that Yasuo-sensei came along when he did. If he'd showed up just a minute earlier or later, I'd probably still be living in that alleyway, living off of dead rats and garbage…"

Naruto had gone totally pale. He'd never expected such a horrible story from a fellow genin. In his own circumstances, Dasha had suffered as much as Naruto himself had.

The two walked in silence until Dasha finally grinned. "Better get some rest, gaki. Tomorrow you've got chakra training with Akane again!"

Naruto groaned and hung his head. Good lord, he was in trouble…


	5. The Bridge

**Chapter 5:**

**The Bridge (Or: Men at Work)**

Naruto grinned down at Akane from his position on the underside of a thick tree branch. "How's that, neechan?"

The kunoichi smiled warmly. "Very good, Naruto. Now, if you're feeling up to it, why don't we try some water walking?"

The blonde ball of energy dropped to the ground, already bouncing around his poor tutor. "Oh, man! That'll be so cool! Just like you three, and Yasuo-sensei, right?" Akane patted him on the head, trying to hold the hyperactive kid in one place. "That's right, Naruto. Just like us. Go on, see if you can do it." She pointed him toward the lake, and he dashed off. "Just remember, the water's always moving, so you need to adjust your chakra output accordingly!"

Naruto looked back at her as he set foot on the water. "What was that, Aka-*blurbrrbbrbrb!*" As expected, the moment he stepped on the water, Naruto sank like a stone. He soon floated back up and leapt out of the water, screeching like a cat in a dishwasher. "COLD!!!"

Akane couldn't help but laugh at Naruto as he tumbled around the dirt and grass, shouting things like 'Stop, drop, roll!' She shook her head in disbelief at his strangeness. "Naruto, that's for fires. You need to get back to the house and change your clothes."

Naruto nodded, and dashed back to the house. "See you in a few, Akane-neechan!"

——

Yasuo, taking a break from pummeling Dasha and Shigeru, climbed the stairs to check on Naruto. He knocked on the youth's door. "Gaki? You alright? You don't have frostbite or pneumonia, do you?"

The blonde opened the door, in his usual orange jumpsuit. "Nope, I'm fine."

Yasuo craned an eyebrow. "I thought Akane told you to change out of those clothes." Naruto looked at his sensei like he was nuts. "But, these are new clothes."

Saying nothing more, Yasuo pushed past his newest student and looked in the closet. Sure enough, every single article of clothing in there was an orange jumpsuit. The jounin shook his head. "So, you can't afford to buy anything else?"

Naruto shook his head. "No; everybody else must be rich, because they can buy stuff that costs three months' worth of my allowance from Hokage-jiji." _Yeah, or else they're paying the normal amount. Damn shopkeepers,_ thought Yasuo. "Not to mention that so many of the stores don't even let me in. And don't say it's 'cause I pranked them, because I only did that AFTER they kicked me out."

Seeing the youth getting a little defensive, Yasuo mussed his hair playfully. "Don't worry, Naruto. I believe you, and I'm on your side. Trust me, when we get back to Konoha, I'll have a nice long talk with the shopkeepers. Unless they want to face the wrath of the Mad Dog, they'll start letting you buy things at regular prices." He smiled. "And, if you do really well in your training, maybe I'll buy you your first set of new stealth clothes."

Naruto beamed up at his sensei. "That'd be great, but… I'd rather have ramen, Yasuo-sensei."

The stocky jounin laughed. "That's another thing: you'll have to start eating more diverse – and healthier – foods. You'll never grow any taller if you keep eating only ramen." Yasuo laughed even harder at Naruto's reaction to this statement. The youth blanched, his eyes bulging out of his skull. Eat less ramen? Preposterous!

"Well, sensei, I'd better get going. Akane-neechan can be scary when she's mad…"

Yasuo walked off, chuckling. "Don't I know it, Naruto."

—TIMESKIP—

Naruto did his best to follow Shigeru's katas, but it was not at all easy. The big man flowed effortlessly from one move to another, easily switching stances and alternating between serpentine strikes and no-nonsense pummeling.

Then again, as difficult as this was, it was nowhere near as bad as when Shigeru would charge him, forcing Naruto to defend himself. He was in no mood to add any new bruises to his growing catalog.

Near the end of the day, Naruto had actually begun to catch on. He was better at the heavy blows at the moment, but had some of the finesse footwork down-pat. The day was officially over when, while they were sparring, Shigeru landed a punch on Naruto's head that knocked the child unconscious.

—TIMESKIP—

Moving through katas similar to the previous day's work, Naruto tried his absolute hardest to follow Dasha's maneuvers. This was not because he felt some inherent need to impress Dasha more than his other teammates; it was because Dasha hit him hard if he got it wrong. When Naruto flubbed a move, his tutor would immediately initiate a sparring match. The blonde quickly found himself exhausted, but forced himself to keep going in the interest of self-preservation.

Dasha trotted Naruto out to the lake. "Now, I'm not expecting anything big, but I want you to try the Grand Fireball again. Just focus on what we've been doing, and concentrate as best you can."

The youth tried again and again, failing every time. Upon each failure, Dasha would rebuke Naruto, telling him how easily Sasuke could perform the katon ninjutsu, and how much it impressed Sakura. "You can't go around being so damn weak, and expect to call yourself a ninja! The weakling never gets the girl, and you'll certainly never become Hokage if you can't impress anyone! In order to be a hero, you have to be strong enough to do things that everyone else tells you is impossible!"

At Dasha's last statement, something lit up within Naruto. The genin drew up his hands, running through the seals: _Horse! Tiger! Fire style: Grand Fireball Technique!_ From Naruto's mouth came roaring the single largest Grand Fireball Dasha had ever seen! The orange-red light pierced the fog, and caused Shigeru and Akane to take pause as they turned toward the lake. Yasuo smiled. "So, he's finally found his motivation. Good work, Dasha."

——

After six days of training, Naruto was looking forward to some team exercises. Instead, he and Team Three sat around a bonfire roasting marshmallows. Not that Naruto would ever turn down a good ol' bonfire, but he'd been expecting something a bit more…spectacular.

"Now," said Yasuo, "since Naruto's been brought up to speed as best we could manage in the short time we have, let's move on. I've brought some important ninja items, but first, let's introduce Naruto to Yasuo Nagisa's Rules for Missions."

Akane nodded, and clapped her hand over Naruto's mouth. "I'm sure you'll want to argue with him right away, so this'll stop you. Oh, and if you even THINK about licking or biting my hand, I'll burn your eyes out of your skull." The blonde wisely kept his mouth shut, in every sense of the word.

Yasuo reclined as best he could on the log upon which he was seated, folding his arms behind his back. "Alright then, as I'm sure you were taught, the mission comes before all else, and you need to value the mission and your village's honor over your very life. You're nothing but a living weapon for Konoha, and if the village wants you to die for the greater good, then you'll be happy to, right?"

Seeing everyone actually looking at him, Naruto nodded, mumbling, "That's what the rules say."

Yasuo pursed his lips. "Yep, that's what they teach you in the academy. And now I'm here to tell you that that is absolute, one hundred percent fertilizer-grade horse shit." Naruto's eyes shot wide at Yasuo's flagrant denouncing of the ninja code. "The only thing you'll find at the end of the road of the shinobi is an undignified, painful death. Instead, these are the rules by which you will abide for as long as you are a member of my team," he stood up so that Naruto could see him better across the fire. "Rule 1: the priorities of a proper, sensible ninja. First priority of any mission is yourself. If you die, you cannot complete the mission. You have to make sure that you survive at most any cost. Second priority is your team. If they're dead, you have little-to-no chance of success. All the same, though, this doesn't mean to jump to the rescue each time your teammates get into a fight. You have to trust them to be able to do their jobs, and to call for help if they need it. Third priority is the mission itself. No matter what even the Hokage may tell you, so long as you're on my team, no mission will EVER be more important than your lives. After the mission come any secondary objectives. But the mission will never be higher than third-most priority; remember that." Ignoring the expression of pure shock plastered across Naruto's face, Yasuo continued. "Rule 2: the rules on killing. Murder should never be our first resort, but neither should it be an absolute taboo. I expect my team to be able to recognize and properly discern the deadliness of a given situation, and respond with appropriate force. This means that if the enemy is attacking with only nonlethal blows, you don't go for a killing shot unless you've been specifically tasked with killing that person for some reason. And if your foe is going for death blows only, then you retaliate with your most dangerous attacks, and don't let up until he's dead. Rule 3: the rules for other teams, and allies of any sort. You can never fully trust anyone other than yourself. Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, has their price. Even the Hokage could be convinced to destroy Konoha for the right reward. Obviously, some people will have far higher prices than others. Case in point: it would likely require the entire world to be in danger for the Hokage to sacrifice Konoha, while a mercenary would betray his friends for a month's rent. Clearly, exceptions exist, but this is the general rule. So, no matter what, never place your faith entirely in another team. Even your own team could betray you; I've seen it happen before. Allies are even worse. Most alliances are of the political sort, and can change like the weather. One second a person can be at you throat, the next he'll be your teammate, and then he'll drive the knife into your back. Sad, but true." Yasuo took in a long breath. "And there you have it. Yasuo Nagisa's first three Rules for Missions." He then pulled out four sheet of blank paper, passing them around. "For the next part of today's meeting, I'd like you guys to show Naruto how chakra paper works. That'll help us in training."

The teens nodded, and went in order, starting at Yasuo's left. "What you do," said Shigeru, "is channel a bit of chakra into the paper. What happens to it reflects what elements you happen to have an affinity for." Shigeru released a pulse of chakra into his paper, and clumps of mud fell out of his hands. "See? My paper turned into moistened dirt, meaning that I have affinities for water and earth. But, with my family heritage, I lean toward an earth affinity. The water element was a complete surprise, but it's been useful."

Akane was next, sitting directly to Naruto's right. Her paper burst into flames, and a small rain of ashes fluttered down to the ground. "I'm a pure fire element; no real variation, but I've been able to make do."

To the blonde's left, Dasha drew the preteen's attention. His paper split in half, and each half crumpled into a ball. "The splitting signifies wind, and it crumples to show an affinity for lightning. They're about equal, so I'm pretty balanced between my two elements. Now, how about you?"

Naruto nodded, and focused a burst of chakra into his paper. It split in two, and each half burned into nothingness as it fell to the ground.

"So," said Yasuo, "you'll be particularly talented with wind- and fire-style techniques."

"But we didn't need the paper to tell us about the fire," Dasha interjected. "That Grand Fireball was enough to tell me you have a special relationship with fire."

—TIMESKIP—

Days came and went, as Tazuna began rallying the villagers to once more commence work on the bridge. Now, the illustrious Team Three was always split up into two groups. Yasuo went with Tazuna to the bridge, accompanied by two genin. The remaining two stayed behind at the village in order to train and act as lookouts.

On this particular day, Naruto and Akane were standing guard at the village, and the past few weeks had seen a profound change in the locals. The people began carrying themselves with pride once again. They started taking hygiene into consideration, and their wounds and sores were all properly treated. The community had been restored, bringing with it a need to improve their living conditions. Houses were refurbished, painted, and brought up to (or relatively close to) current standards; people could start fires outside of their homes one again, as the presence of professional ninja helped alleviate their fear of reprisals from Gatou. Now, joyous cookouts were held around a massive bonfire as the older villagers shared stories from the good old days.

One of Naruto's shadow clones came barreling into the village, its face deathly pale. "Gatou's men are coming!"

The real Naruto didn't miss a beat, turning to the villagers in a relaxed manner. "It's okay, folks. Just go inside and lock your doors. We'll handle this." While terrified on the inside, the blonde managed to exude a façade of quiet superiority. It didn't just make people believe him; he made them WANT to believe him.

After some milling about, all of which was as calm as Naruto's exterior, the people began to filter into their homes and slam into place their massive deadbolts. Naruto looked over to Akane, who had already drawn two kunai. The bandages around her arms had unraveled to her biceps, the free length dancing in the air like an enraged snake. "Remember Yasuo-sensei's rules, Naruto. If they attack with intent to kill, you respond likewise. No mercy. If we don't hit back just as hard, they have the advantage." Her voice was astoundingly cool. Unlike the younger genin, Akane's calm was not a farce. She'd seen worse scrapes than a ragtag bunch of thugs; she and her teammates had faced ninja as deadly as Zabuza without the help of their sensei, and they always came out on top.

The mess of bullies and sellswords rounded the corner in mock formation, convinced that their superior numbers would win them the day. They were all looking forward to the looting that would come after they'd ravaged the village. However, they hadn't expected to find a nearly empty village and locked houses, with the only two people still out shooting them twin death-glares. These two were just kids, but they were as scary as that Zabuza guy.

Naruto quickly gave them reason to be even more afraid. Drawing a kunai and clasping it in his teeth to leave his hands free, he formed the Ram symbol. _Special Forbidden Technique: Shadow Clone!_ When the Konoha-typical blast of smoke had cleared, thirty Naruto clones stood with weapons drawn. A muffled gasp of astonishment echoed out of the homes as the villagers watched the impending battle.

Both sides waited for the other to make a move…

——

As Yasuo made small talk with the bridge workers, Dasha picked his teeth with a kunai while Shigeru leaned against a support beam, trying to learn how to sleep standing up.

A thick fog began to slink around the bridge. As soon as it touched Shigeru, he bristled. "You guys feel that?" Twin solemn nods confirmed their fears.

Yasuo whispered to Tazuna, "Tell the foreman to get them men out of here, then get behind Shigeru. Zabuza's back, and he'll still be after you." The architect gave a swift affirmative and hustled the workers out of the immediate area.

"Oh, how touching," commented Zabuza's cold voice. "You're sending the villagers back to their homes, where Gatou's soldiers will be waiting to slaughter them. You're just delaying the inevitable, Yasuo."

The jounin had already drawn his kukris. "We'll see about that, Momochi. Come out, so we can chat like civilized men."

"Now now, Nagisa, you know I'm not that dim. Let's see how potent the Mad Dog is when he's on his own, without the help of his obnoxious little pups!"

A new voice, originating from behind Dasha, threw in its opinion. "Zabuza-san, am I to kill this one?" The voice was astoundingly gender-neutral, making its even tone all the more disturbing.

They could positively hear the smile in Zabuza's voice as the Demon of the Mist replied, "Yes. Kill him slow."

————————

**AN:** Well, five chapters already, and over ten thousand words! Be sure to review, and check out my profile. Sometime soon I'll be putting up a poll regarding this fic.

Until next time!


	6. Shiver

**Chapter 6:**

**Shiver (Or: I've Come to Kick Ass)**

Each of the thirty Narutos drew a kunai, each one taking the same offensive combat stance and wearing identical defiant sneers. Akane sank into a loose stance, the bandages dancing around her arms and legs.

Finally deciding that numbers were on their side, Gatou's mercenaries charged the two genin. Naruto set his mouth into a thin, determined line, while Akane smirked. "Remember, Naruto, respond with appropriate force."

The kunoichi leapt forward, dodging a katana and reposting with a bandage to the head that left the man with a gaping hole in his skull, smoke pouring from the fatal wound. Without missing a step in her graceful dance of death, Akane leapt into the air and struck down five more men before her feet touched the ground. Since her hands were not otherwise occupied, the brown-haired beauty drew two kunai and began cutting with ruthless precision as her bandages carved a swath of destruction through the loosely formed enemy ranks.

Following Akane's example, though not in so bloody a manner, Naruto sent his shadow clones into the battle, striking to disarm and permanently injure. However, the twelve-year-old refused to kill any of his foes. If she'd had the time, Akane would have told him he was being foolish, but the point of the battle was to stop the enemy assault, and disarming did just as good a job as killing did.

For each clone struck down, Naruto would swiftly create two more. In essence, as they were struck down, the clones multiplied. In mere seconds, the advantage of numbers was with the genin, and the mercenaries began to retreat. As they headed out of the village, the thugs were cut off by two clones of Akane. From behind them, in the town, came a pair of kunai, one hurtling into each clone. The copies exploded in a hail of edged weapons, skewering and maiming all of the escaping criminals.

As those still engaged in combat looked at Akane in utter astonishment, she responded with one simple answer. "No mercy. No escape."

The last few fighters were subdued in one way or another, and the villagers began to emerge from their homes. Akane and Naruto moved between the fallen thugs, tying up the unconscious ones. Any who woke up were immediately put permanently to sleep, courtesy of Akane and her bandages.

Little Inari himself walked up to Naruto and tugged on his pant leg. "N-Naruto?"

"Yeah, Inari?"

The young boy looked up at the slightly older boy. "Can…can you really do it? Can you really stop Gatou?"

Naruto grinned in response and flashed a huge thumbs-up that would make even Maito Gai jealous. "Of course we can! I've said it before, and I'll say it again: all you really need to win is determination and faith in yourself! So, when I say we're gonna beat Gatou and free everybody from his goons, you can believe it!"

Akane smiled softly and placed a hand on her newest teammate's shoulder. "You should head off to the bridge. If Gatou sent a team here, he's probably sent Zabuza to the bridge. I'll wrap things up here."

Naruto nodded and took off toward the bridge. "Thanks, Akane-neechan! Stay safe!"

—MEANWHILE—

Zabuza Momochi's voice echoed all around Yasuo. "You think you're Kami's gift to the nindo, don't you? Well, allow me to bring you back to earth. I will decapitate you here, and claim my heftily padded paycheck from Gatou. Now, Nagisa, die!"

With that statement, Zabuza's silhouette burst through the mist, striking at Yasuo with deadly accuracy. The Konoha jounin drew his kukris and quickly parried, but was knocked on his back. With a quick flex of his spine, Nagisa was on his feet once more. "Please, Momochi. You don't have the chops to finish me, even one-on-one."

Zabuza laughed from somewhere in the blinding mist, and the sound echoed all around Yasuo. "And what are you going to do to stop me? Keep parrying and falling on your ass?"

Yasuo smirked, the sound of his voice was all the Mist jounin needed to know that his opponent obviously knew something more. "Well then, Zabuza, I'd hate to keep you so bored. Guess I should actually start fighting for real." With his blades still in his hands, Yasuo began cycling through complex hand signs at a rate too fast for the human eye to keep track. The edges of his kukris shimmered for a moment, before glowing a blindingly bright red-orange. The light pierced the mist like a beacon, and Dasha smiled.

"Looks like your boss is dead, too bad," he said to the ambiguous opponent with whom he had been playing an elaborate game of cat-and-mouse. "Perhaps I can offer your life in exchange for his, then," the voice replied. Dasha could hear the shuffling of cloth, in the rhythm of hand signs. Before he could react, a dome of crystalline mirrors appeared to cage him. "What the hell is this!?" spat the red-haired nin. Haku's masked visage appeared in the mirrors. "This is my family's bloodline trait; the power that caused us to be hunted to near-extinction. These are the Crystal Ice Mirrors, and they will be your tomb!"

Haku leapt from mirror to mirror at insane speeds, hurling senbon at various intervals. Dasha hadn't had the time to set up a web of chakra threads, so he instead focused on defense. The chakra swirled around him, weaving together to form loosely-packed shields off of which the senbon bounced harmlessly.

Haku growled in frustration, the emotion redoubling as it became apparent that Dasha was trying to turn the mirrors against their creator. No greater offense could have been perpetrated, and it would be dealt with appropriately. Charging the next wave of senbon with chakra, the fake hunter-nin leapt from mirror to mirror, doing as much as could be done to accelerate the senbon. This time, the heavy needles pierced Dasha's shields and lodged in the genin's flesh.

Shigeru could hear Dasha's stunned cry of pain, and moved to aid him. As soon as the broad-shouldered genin took a step away from Tazuna, Zabuza appeared between them. The Mist jounin swung the Kubikiri Houcho in a wide arc, forcing Shigeru to dive for cover and then wheeling on Tazuna. Just before the blow was struck, the architect disappeared and was replaced by Shigeru. Momochi's blow finished its sweep, cleaving through the genin. The killing blow resulted in Shigeru exploding and a hailstorm of kunai and shuriken biting into Zabuza. The startled jounin barely had the time to perform a replacement jutsu, switching places with a nearby girder. Sinking back into the mist, Zabuza ran through a number of hand signs, summoning an animate dragon formed from the salt water surrounding the bridge.

Shigeru smirked, and ran through his own hand signs, calling up an identical dragon. It drained him more than it did his opponent, but he just had to keep Zabuza occupied until Yasuo-sensei could intervene. "Sensei! Over here," he shouted. As their dragons dueled, Zabuza charged Shigeru once more. The genin ran through a series of hand signs unfamiliar to the Mist nin. The sequence was different from anything he'd seen before. Momochi accelerated, determined to intercept Shigeru before the genin was finished with his jutsu. He swung the Neck Splitter in a high, arcing strike meant to slice Shigeru clean in twain. What he hadn't expected was for Shigeru to reach out and grab the massive blade, stopping it mid-swing.

Zabuza peered through the mist to see Shigeru garbed head-to-toe in stone armor. The genin, already incredibly strong, was now made even more dangerous by this rock coating. Trying to shrug off the shock, Momochi wrested his blade from Shigeru's grip and smirked at him. "You've just signed your death warrant, kid. All I have to do is wait for your chakra to run out, and then that armor will fall off and you'll be defenseless."

Shigeru laughed in response. "That'd be a great plan, IF I used chakra to keep this attached to me. No, Momochi. This is a bloodline trait; the Iwa clan technique: Titan Armor! It fuses with our skin until we use a secondary technique to remove it. No chakra holding it in place."

Zabuza roared in pure contempt, hurtling toward his younger opponent. "No mere genin will make a fool out of me!" He stopped in his tracks, seeing a bright light glowing behind him. Zabuza spun just in time to catch Yasuo's kukris on his blade. The superheated combat knives began to sink into the steel of the Kubikiri Houcho, causing its owner to cry out and shuffle backward. "Looks like a mere genin DID make a fool out of you, Momochi," Yasuo smirked. "How about we rejoin our dance, you and I?"

The Mist nukenin narrowed his eyes. "Bring it, Nagisa."

In that instant, reality exploded. Yasuo bolted toward Zabuza, his kukris severing the very air as they sailed toward their target. Zabuza called up five water clones and met Yasuo's charge head-on. The first clone tried to move in with a killing strike, and was rewarded with a superheated kukri sinking through the copied Neck Splitter and slicing the clone in half. As Yasuo somersaulted to recover, three more clones descended on him. Their blades cleaved through Yasuo, and he exploded. It was another blade clone. "Don't you get tired of using those, Nagisa!?" The sound of two more water clones disintegrating was his reply. "Not until they stop being useful, Momochi."

Zabuza shouted, lashing out at Yasuo. The Konoha jounin met the shout with a war cry of his own, and leapt at Zabuza head-on. The Head Cleaver cut deep into Yasuo's abdomen, while the Mad Dog carved a deep trench in Zabuza's right arm. Yasuo landed on his feet, seemingly unaware of the grievous wound in his gut. Momochi, on the other hand, was quite aware of his injury. He switched hands, now using his left as his primary. It wouldn't be as good as his right, but at least his left wasn't damn-near useless. He managed to set his hands into another jutsu, redoubling the concentration of the mist surrounding them. "Come and get me, Nagisa."

The reply made even Zabuza's blood run cold. It was a dark, feral chuckle, thick with saliva; the kind of laughter expected from someone in a mental asylum. "I intend to, Zabuza."

——

Dasha staggered from the force of the senbon's impact, trying to erect more chakra barriers. He couldn't manage any hand signs; before he could finish the series of signs, Haku would always intercept him. The genin was riddled with senbon, but he refused to give up.

"Wh can't you just surrender?" Haku asked. "Please, I don't want to kill you. I'd settle for disarming you. Just…please, give up."

Dasha spat a gob of blood at one of the mirrors. "Up yours! How can you play the compassionate angle and still be able to look at yourself in the mornings!? You're a mercenary who kills for a living! As if that weren't bad enough, you're working for this Gatou bastard to enslave an entire country! Have you gone into the village and seen the people; seen how they're suffering?" His query was met with silence. "I thought so." Dasha spat again. "Don't act like you're the righteous one here, because you most certainly are not."

Haku started. "You think I LIKE this!? I'm doing it because Zabuza-sama orders it!" Dasha scoffed in reply. "So, what? You have no free will of your own? You can't tell him to stop? You can't leave!?"

The assassin sighed. "I suppose you wouldn't understand. My family lived on the outskirts of Kirigakure; we were mostly simple folk, farmers and ranchers. However, my family's doujutsu made us greatly feared. With but a thought, we could trap our enemies in this prison and slowly kill them. Soon after I was born, assassins began coming to murder us in our sleep. When I was five, my mother and I were the only members of our clan left alive. When the assassin came for mother, I…I froze. I couldn't do anything. And then, she left me with her last words: 'Run, Haku. Run away, as far as you can.' I followed her orders, running and running until I was too tired and hungry to move anymore. And that's when Zabuza-sama found me. I was sitting on the side of the road, and Zabuza-sama arrived. He was on a mission, and was very busy. However, something made him look down at the little urchin on the side of the path. I looked up at him, and realized that our eyes were the same. I told him so, and Zabuza-sama invited me to come along. He fed and clothed me, and in return I follow him and fight for him. He saved my life. I'll never betray him!"

Dasha shook his head. "He's no savior if he forces you to do something you hate! I have a story similar to yours, Haku. I never even knew my parents. My mother died in childbirth, and my father…well, I don't know anything about him. I was kicked out of the orphanage at the age of five, and had to live on the streets, salvaging meals from others' garbage! Every single day of my life, I had to fight off the bigger kids in the alleys in order to keep my food, foul as it was. And then, Yasuo-sensei found me. He saw my potential and invited me to come stay with him! He offered me training as a ninja, but it was always MY decision! He never coerced me into anything!"

"That's right!" shouted Naruto, startling both Dasha and Haku. "And I have a story worse than either of yours, but do you see me getting all pouty and fatalistic!?" Dasha smirked at his young teammate. "Wow, Naruto. Fatalistic? Your vocabulary is improving. Which reminds me: how the hell did you get in here!?" The blonde shrugged. "Yasuo-sensei has Zabuza under control, and Shigeru is busy with Tazuna; figured I'd help you out." The red-haired genin smacked a hand to his forehead. "It would've been more help if you'd attacked from the outside!" Naruto rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. "Heheh, sorry. Spur-of-the-moment thing, y'know?"

"If I might interrupt this little discussion?" Haku leapt out of the mirrors, peppering both genin with senbon. Dasha sank to one knee as a sudden pain in his spine briefly crippled him. "Na-*Urgh!*-Naruto, can you keep him off me? Shadow clones, and all that jazz?" Naruto nodded, and began creating a legion of shadow clones. Haku expertly dispatched all of the solidified illusions, but on one pass, Dasha managed to extend and tighten a chakra blade, biting into the assassin's side. Haku cried out in mid-flight, and sank into a mirror. Soon, all of the mirrors were stained with the youth's blood.

Dasha spat out yet another glob of blood, scowling. "No, this'll never work. By the time we can cut him into pieces, we'll both be pincushions…" His eyes widened with a sudden flash of inspiration. "Naruto! Keep him off me! I'm ending this!"

Using Naruto's shadow clones as a shield, Dasha doubled over, focusing all of his chakra into his right hand. The purple energy became visible, swirling up Dasha's arm in helix spirals to reach a swirling maelstrom in his palm. The redhead closed his hand around the energy, and then extended only his first two fingers. The chakra flared to life once more, spinning around his arm at mind-blowing speeds. He reared back to charge one of the mirrors, when three senbon lodged themselves in his right arm. Dasha whirled in the direction of the attack, trying desperately to maintain control of the hurricane in and around his arm. Haku leapt from mirror to mirror with ever-increasing urgency, lodging more and more and still more senbon in Dasha's flesh. With a final barrage, Dasha's eyes went wide. He staggered several steps, the chakra around his arm finally dissipating. The teen dropped to his knees, and collapsed.

Naruto stared at Dasha's unmoving form. "D…D…Dasha-kun?" He lurched toward his teammate, checking the teen's pulse. There was none. "Dasha? Dasha!? DASHA!!!"

Haku sighed. "I wish it could have ended differently, I really do…"

Naruto growled, and the air seemed to become hotter. "_You…you MONSTER!!! YOU KILLED DASHA!!!!_" He threw back his head and uttered a bone-shaking scream. Around him raged a storm of blood-red chakra that corkscrewed toward heaven. The light and sound drew the attention of all on the bridge. Shigeru stared at the mirrors, emotions still blank from hearing Naruto scream that Dasha had died. Yasuo and Zabuza stopped their battle to look at this eruption of chakra.

Haku was now shaking with fear. "Wha…what are you!?"

Naruto wheeled on the assassin, his eyes blood-red and slitted. The whisker-marks on his cheeks had deepened and widened, looking more like trenches or scars from the claws of some massive animal. "_What am I? I am Death incarnate; I am the last being you shall ever see, fleshling!_" He leapt at Haku's mirrors, shattering each one with a single punch.

Shigeru cried out as Haku flew past him, swiftly followed by the new enraged Naruto. As the preteen leapt after his prey, Shigeru could swear that he saw a tail of pure chakra trailing behind the boy.

Naruto drove another fist into Haku's abdomen, grabbing the Mist nin by the shirt and pulling his opponent back for more beatings. He drove his fist into Haku's mask, shattering it and exposing the beautiful face of a young woman. This, of course, would not stop the fury of the Kyuubi. What did cause Naruto to take pause, however, was the sad smile on the girl's lips. "_What the-? Are you HAPPY!?_" Haku shook her head. "Not happy; more…resigned. I have killed your friend, and many others. It is finally time for me to pay for my sins. If I may, before you finish it, I'm…sorry."

Naruto stopped in his tracks, holding Haku by the collar. "_What? This is…your punishment? I can't…I ca_n't kill someone like this…" Naruto's eyes began to flow back to their usual luminous blue, and his scar marks shrank back to their standard appearance of whiskers. Haku smiled, and grabbed his wrist. "I've resigned myself to it. Finish it, boy."

Seeing this, Zabuza did something that none would have ever expected of the Demon of the Mist: he called out Haku's name and turned away from his own battle, dashing to the girl's aid. With Zabuza having presented a perfect opening, Yasuo took advantage and drove one of his kukris deep into the Mist jounin's back. Zabuza grunted, but kept running toward Haku.

"Zabuza-sama, stop." The girl's strong voice caused her mentor to freeze. "I have committed so many sins. I do not truly regret them, because I was doing them for you, nii-sama. But, every time I killed someone, it hurt me, deep inside. I, I can't keep doing this. It has to stop." She looked up at Naruto, tears in her eyes. "What are you waiting for!? Do it!"

Naruto released her, dropping Haku to the ground. "No." He sat down as well. "I…I can't bring myself to kill you. As much as I hate you, I just can't."

Suddenly, Zabuza was beside them, on his knees, arms wrapped around the assassin.  
"Oh, Haku… I'm so sorry! I was doing what I was raised to do! Please, please forgive me!" Now even the nukenin was crying.

Yasuo shook his head. "Naruto's right. I don't know if I can bring myself to kill them…" Shigeru cried out, enraged. "That bitch killed Dasha! They both have to pay!"

A voice cut through the fog. "Who the hell said I was dead?"

All present, including Zabuza and Haku, turned to stare slack-jawed at Dasha as he stood up and pulled a senbon from his neck. Seeing their confusion, he explained. "Chakra threads," he said, holding up a hand. "I couldn't stop the needles, but I could slightly deflect them to nonlethal portions of my body. Sorry for scaring you guys."

Zabuza looked back to Yasuo, standing and pulling from his pocket a letter. He tore up the paper and dropped it in the ocean. "My contract is hereby terminated, Nagisa."

"Oh, that's too bad, Momochi," said a cruel voice. The group turned to see a legion of thugs on the end of the bridge. Behind this wall of muscle stood a tiny man with shaggy gray hair. "Gatou," growled Haku.

"I'm so very disappointed in you, Zabuza," Gatou chuckled. "I'd heard so much about the Demon of the Mist. Where did your ruthlessness and fury go?"

"Family changes everything," Zabuza replied as he wrapped an arm protectively around Haku.

"Very well," Gatou snapped his fingers, "quadruple pay to whoever kills Momochi!"

Yasuo grinned, wrapping his hand around the kukri embedded in Zabuza's back. "Mind if I take this back?" Zabuza smirked. "Go ahead; I'm not using it." He grunted slightly as the blade slid out of his back.

Before anyone could move to attack, however, Naruto leapt to the front of the group, facing Gatou. His face was a mask of pure hatred and fury. "You enslave a village, threaten my sensei, force a young girl to do things she doesn't want to, torture countless families, and murder hundreds of people!?" He began to cycle through the hand signs, but added one more of his own. "You can all go straight to hell!!!" _Horse! Tiger! Crane! Naruto Uzumaki Fire Technique: God Fireball!_

The single largest fireball anyone had ever seen erupted from Naruto's mouth, enveloping Gatou and all of his men. Had the flames not been roaring at such volume, the ninja would have heard the dying screams of nearly one hundred men. As the flames cleared, steaming plops could be heard as charred bodies fell into the ocean.

Akane dashed over to her team, having led the villagers to the bridge to fight for their independence. "Great Kami! Naruto, how did you DO that!?"

The preteen rubbed the back of his neck, back to his old self. "Uh, luck?"

Everyone sighed.

——————

Tsunami and most of the other wives in the village had whipped up a massive feast, having sent out all of the men to retrieve wild meat for the feast. The celebration was unbelievable; the entire country had showed up to join in the jubilations.

And, at the center of it all were Team Three, Zabuza, and Haku. The latter two could not be more grateful that the villagers had forgiven them. The party lasted for over two days straight, and at the end, everybody and his grandma was piss-eyed drunk. Even the genin had sampled hearty amounts of sake, citing the old adage, "old enough to kill, old enough to drink."

At the end of the massive party, Team Three set out to return to Konoha. As Yasuo slung over his shoulder a backpack containing all sorts of Wave Country merchandise, Haku walked up and tugged on his vest. "Yasuo-san?" He looked down at her. "Yes?"

Haku looked down. "Well…could Zabuza-niisan and I come with you? We don't have anywhere to go, and I'd really like to stay with your team. We're actually starting to become…friends."

Yasuo flipped open his phone and made a quick call. "…Yeah, that'll be fine. I'm sure Zabuza will be willing to hand over some information regarding the inner workings of Kirigakure."

Haku nodded. "There's no love lost there."

Yasuo smiled down at her. "Then there will be no problem. Go get Zabuza and we'll head out."

The seven ninja crossed the newly completed bridge; they were the first people ever to do so.

——

Back at the village, Tazuna and company could not for the life of them decide on a name for the bridge. Some wanted to name it the Team Three Bridge, but that would make little sense to outsiders. Others wanted to name it after the team's sensei, something like the Yasuo or the Nagisa bridge. Finally, Tazuna proposed a name.

"Why don't we name it after the hero who killed Gatou and liberated us all?" Finding the rest of the group without a real argument against the idea, Tazuna nodded. "Very well then, it'll be named the Great Naruto Bridge."

After the name had been carved into the bridge, the first new visitors to Wave Country all had the same question:

"Why is this bridge named after fish cakes?"


	7. Homecoming

**Chapter 7:**

**Homecoming (Or: Debate Team)**

Haku absently nudged a nearby rock with her foot as time passed at a painfully slow rate. Yasuo had gone into Konoha to conference with the Hokage as well as Danzo of the Konoha Council, and Team Three had come to a consensus that it would be safest for Zabuza and Haku to remain outside of the village until the political leaders could come to an agreement. In order to keep them from becoming bored, and so the pair didn't look like two inept invaders, the genin had stayed behind. At the moment, Dasha was regaling Naruto and Zabuza with a rousing story of a sparring match against Hayate Gekkou, and how the weapons master had actually been forced to submit to a genin. Off in the distance sat Shigeru and Akane, currently engaged in "sucking face," as Dasha put it. Haku, uninterested in tales of sparring matches and in no mood for voyeurism, was left to her own devices. She toyed with her senbon as she stared at the people who had, just days earlier, been her mortal enemies. In truth, they would likely still be foes had it not been for the compassion of a single, rather magical young man: Naruto Uzumaki. The genin had stopped in the middle of a full-on attack (she still had yet to ascertain the name and origin of that assault), refusing to kill her because she felt guilty for her deeds. What other person would refrain from capital punishment when his friend had apparently been murdered? Haku could think of none.

For that matter, all of Team Three's members were incredible. Shigeru and his Titan Armor had overpowered Zabuza in a contest of pure strength, and he had successfully countered Zabuza's Water Dragon technique. She hadn't actually seen Akane in action, but from the others' glowing laudations of the kunoichi, Haku could be sure that Akane was a deadly fighter. And Dasha…the man was so casual about everything, but became a maelstrom of destruction when finally enraged. If it hadn't been for her ice mirrors, she would have never survived Dasha's ultimate attack. He called the technique Tratnyr, after a mythical dragon-slaying spear.

Haku was pulled from her thoughts as the massive steel gate swung open. Yasuo strode through the double doors, decked out in a pair of sunglasses and looking tré chic. "C'mon, guys. The Council has agreed to see Zabuza and Haku."

Naruto immediately leapt off of the log on which he had been sitting and rushed into the village. Dasha and Zabuza followed, shaking their heads and wondering just where that kid got all his energy. Haku quickly caught up with Zabuza and engaged him and Dasha in a debate over which weapons were best for assassinations. All three parties had an ideal weapon in mind, and none were conceding any points. Shigeru and Akane hung back, slowly entering the village while whispering words of affection to one another. From his position near the front, Dasha once again made a loud vomiting noise, earning the temporary enmity of his dating teammates; not that he really cared one way or the other, mind you.

As the septet walked toward the center of the village, Zabuza was suddenly clipped by a green blur. He grabbed for the Kubikiri Houcho, ready for a battle. What he got was a pair of overly loud and expressive nutcases in matching green bodysuits and bowl cuts that would make even Bruce Lee cringe. The most noteworthy thing, of course, was the fact that both of them seemed to be growing black caterpillars on their brows. The bigger of the two pseudo-twins, whom Haku had decided to dub Thing 1, spoke.

"YOSH!!! LEE, LOOK HERE! WE HAVE TWO NEW FACES TO STOKE KONOHA'S FLAMES OF YOUTH!!!" He struck a pose with one fist pumped up in front of him while his other rested on his hip, and his teeth gave off a mild sparkle.

Yasuo rotated his little finger in his ear. "Nice to see you too, Gai. Could you please, PLEASE, turn down the volume?"

The newly identified Gai nodded. "Of course, Yasuo! But in return, you must introduce me to these newcomers!" Yeah, Haku decided she was going to stick with calling him Thing 1.

Yasuo rolled his eyes. "Okay. Haku, Zabuza, meet Rock Lee and Maito Gai. Gai, Lee, meet Zabuza Momochi and Haku Yuki."

Zabuza grunted out what was expected to pass for a greeting, once again leaving Haku to play diplomat. Trying to smooth out the situation, she extended a hand. "Nice to meet you both."

The smaller one, Lee (or Thing 2), immediately grabbed her hand and kissed it. "Yosh! Your skin is so delicate and beautiful! And you are so polite!" He dropped to one knee, looking at the ground. "Would you do me the honor of going on a date with me?"

Haku slipped her hand from his and patted him on the head. "That's very sweet, but no. I'm not looking for a relationship right now."

Lee stood, smiling. "Thank you for being so honest, Haku-san. I promise to come back at a later time and ask you for a date again." He turned back to Gai. "Gai-sensei, were we not currently in the middle of a race against the wind?"

Gai was stunned, and turned back to Lee, crying. "Lee, you're right! We've lost to the wind!" Lee bawled in response. "But Gai-sensei, we trained so hard!" Gai nodded. "It was my failing, not yours, Lee!" "No, Gai-sensei! Don't blame yourself! It's not your fault! We had to stop and say hello to Haku-san and Zabuza-san!" "You're right, Lee! We'll beat the wind next time!"

The two suddenly leapt toward one another, repeatedly calling each other's names. "Gai-sensei!" "Lee!" "Gai-sensei!" "Lee!" "Gai-sensei!" "Lee!" Things 1 and 2 collided in a hug that was simultaneously the manliest and most sissified hug Haku had ever seen, and a beach at sunset appeared in the background. Zabuza and Haku both attempted to release the genjutsu, making the Kai symbol over and over again, when Yasuo placed his hands on their shoulders. "Don't bother; it's not a genjutsu."

The bizarre pair were once again off in dual green blurs, ranting about running a hundred laps around Konoha on their hands.

Zabuza blinked, once, twice, three times. "Haku, were we better off in Kirigakure?" "…I'm not sure, nii-san."

—SCENEBREAK—

The Konoha Forum was quite the imposing arena: a circle of dirt at the bottom was to be occupied by the speaker or speakers, while the Council, clan leaders, and the Hokage sat in the stands which encircled the ring of dirt. For trials or questionings, all of the lights were dimmed, save the floodlights focused on the speakers. In this case, Zabuza, Haku, and Team Three stood in the dirt circle and gazed up at the shadowed ninja and civilians.

Lord Sarutobi, as usual, kept his face a mask of calm indifference. Like a true leader, he would reserve any judgment until the end of the questioning. Facing the Sandaime from across the room was Danzo, leader of the civilian council. He was surrounded by his ROOT ANBU, and Danzo appeared to be doing a rather accurate impression of Gendo Ikari from Evangelion. Dasha was quick to whisper this to Shigeru, and the pair snickered silently while watching Danzo try to be imposing.

The Hokage spoke first. "Zabuza Momochi, S-rank nukenin, and Haku Yuki, unregistered as a ninja, rank unknown; you have come to Konoha seeking asylum. Why should we allow this?"

Zabuza stepped forward to face the Hokage, removing the bandages from around his mouth and demonstrating to all that even the Demon of the Mist could be eloquent. "Honorable Third Hokage of the Village Hidden in the Leaves, I have not much to offer. My knowledge of the Hidden Mist Village's inner workings is dated at best, and will likely be little help overall. The only thing I can do is to appeal to you, as one man to another." He gestured to Haku. "This young woman is the sole reason I stand before you today. If not for her and her compassion for human life, I would still be a mercenary, killing for a handful of coin. As it stands now, whether or not I'm ready for it, I have a family to look out for now; Haku is my little sister, regardless of blood relation. I have to put her wellbeing before my own, and I feel that Konoha is the best place for that. If this village can breed people like the members of Team Three, then nothing would please more than to become a member of this village." He bowed and stepped back.

Danzo spoke up, directing his question to the Hokage. "How do we know he's not lying? Can we be certain that this isn't some long, elaborate plan to sabotage Konoha from within?"

Hiruzen Sarutobi, Sandaime Hokage, shook his head. "Danzo, sometimes you must simply have faith in people." He looked down at the seven people within the dirt patch. "Wait in the lobby while we conference."

Yasuo bowed and escorted his team out, Zabuza and Haku following close behind.

As the doors shut, Hiashi Hyuuga spoke. "I am…unsure if we can trust them or not. The conviction I heard in Momochi's voice sounded real, but he may just be an excellent actor."

"Yes, but can you really think of anyone who could fool us so completely?" asked Shibi Aburame.

Without a change in her voice, Tsume Inuzuke replied, "Dasha Ame."

Shikaku Nara shook his head. "That's a special case. He can't fake sincerity." He looked to the Hokage. "Hokage-sama, I, at least, choose to believe Momochi. I will vote for his induction into Konoha when the time comes."

This statement caused quite a stir as the clan heads began to debate and draw lines in the metaphorical sand. Chouza Akimichi and Inoichi Yamanaka, obviously, sided with Shikaku, while Hiashi Hyuuga and Shibi Aburame were the first to oppose the decision; not because they thought that Zabuza was being dishonest, but because they feared the Mist's retribution should word escape about Zabuza the nukenin settling in Konoha. Getamano Hozuka followed his niece's decision and voted for induction, while Tsume Inuzuka voted in the negative, still distrustful of Momochi's perceived sincerity.

At the end of an hours-long debate, the votes were tallied. For induction of Zabuza Momochi and Haku Yuki into Konohagakure: 7. Against: 6. The only two yet who had not cast their votes were Danzo and the Hokage himself. The head councilman opposed the induction, making the vote 7-7. Sarutobi shook his head, and voted for Zabuza and Haku's induction. "As I said, Danzo, sometimes you just need a little faith in people."

Hayate Gekkou, the perennial mediator, nodded. "Very well, majority rules. Zabuza Momochi and Haku Yuki shall be inducted into Konohagakure. After a six-month probationary period, they shall officially become ninja of Konoha." As always, he punctuated his statement with a well-placed cough.

**A/N:** Well, another chapter is prepared. It's sort of short, but it's basically filler in preparation for the Chuunin Exams. Now then, what do you folks think of my names for the Hokage, and Akane's uncle? Hiruzen Sarutobi and Getamano Hozuka?

On another note, I may soon be establishing pairings for Naruto, Dasha and Haku. Now then, barring yaoi/yuri (I have nothing against it; I just can't write it with the same panache), who would you like to see them paired with? Yes, Haku could be paired with Naruto or Dasha, but I don't want any love triangles. Drop me a review and tell me what you think! You, the reader, may have a chance to influence my writings!

*Disclaimer: I make no promise to carry out the wishes of my reviewers. If I find myself unable to write a certain pairing, I'll not force myself. This is wholly dependent on how well the pairings flow onto the paper (or, at least, the digital representation of paper).


	8. Weatherworn

**Chapter 8:**

**Weatherworn (Or: This is NOT a kindergarten!)**

"This looks like a good one, Naruto. Check out the deals."

"Nah, sensei. They always kick me out of there."

"Naruto, trust me. They won't kick you out this time."

The short blonde preteen looked up at his sensei to see the man's blue eyes betraying nothing but truth. Naruto broke into a wide, head-splitting grin. "Okay then, Yasuo-sensei. Lead the way."

The broad-shouldered jounin walked into the ninja equipment store, grimacing as a tiny bell above the door jingled when they entered. The woman behind the counter, an ex-ninja taken from active duty by the loss of a hand, smiled brightly when she saw Yasuo. "Wel-" Her sentence stopped short, and before Yasuo's eyes her gleaming smile mutated into a hate-filled scowl. Even though he was a ninja, Naruto had to fight the urge to yelp and hide behind his sensei. He'd seen that look before, most often on his birthday. It was the look on the villagers' face right before they came for him. Naruto was about to ask his sensei if they could leave when a miraculous thing happened.

Yasuo leapt across the counter, wrapping a hand around the woman's throat and slamming her into the wall. He squeezed his hand shut, and with his other hand, drew one of his kukris. The blade danced along her cheek as the woman whimpered. Yasuo leaned in, so that only he and the woman could hear. "I know that look, bitch. I've seen it before. You are already guilty of breaking the Hokage's decree more than once, by attacking Naruto and speaking of his origins. If I had the inclination, I'd take you in right now and introduce you to Ibiki Morino."

The woman replied by spitting in Yasuo's face. "You don't have the balls, Nagisa. Damn bleeding-heart, trying to protect the demon. You know, of course, that he's just waiting for you to let your guard down and he'll kill you."

Yasuo's reply was to carve a deep, long, and painful cut in the woman's face. As blood poured from the wound, he planted the heel of his boot in her abdomen. "That's enough out of you." He looked back at Naruto. "I'll be right back. She will not." With that, both adults vanished in a puff of smoke. Yasuo-sensei returned several minutes later, dusting himself off. "Naruto, do I have any bigot stuck to me? It's a bitch to get it out once it sets in."

The blonde cocked his head. "Uh, sensei, what's a bigot?" Yasuo smiled and patted Naruto on the head. "Of course you wouldn't know; you're too nice. That woman was a bigot: she hated and hated for no good reason, and refused to see the truth even when it was, quite literally, staring her in the face."

Naruto nodded sagely. "So, where'd you take her?" His sensei grinned. "To a fun man named Ibiki. He's the head of the Interrogations Department." Naruto nodded again, pondering something-or-other. "…Sensei, does everyone hating me have anything to do with the Kyuubi being sealed inside of me?"

Yasuo did a double take and nearly fell over. "N-Naruto!? How did you know that!?" The blonde shrugged. "Mizuki-yarou told me when he was trying to kill me: that everyone old enough to remember the attack was sworn to silence about it. But, since I'm the one who has it in me, I think it's alright for me to talk about it," he smiled, but that smile soon faded. "That is the reason that everyone hates me, why they try to kill me on my birthday, the anniversary of the fox's attack, right?" Yasuo sighed, nodding as he sat on a nearby crate of shuriken. "Yes. These people's minds are so warped by loss or pure hatred that they refuse to believe that the Fourth Hokage could have actually sealed the Kyuubi away for an eternity of imprisonment. For some reason, their greatest hero has had his power stripped from him in their minds, and you become the fox: a craven beast waiting for the perfect time to strike." He stopped, and pinched the bridge of his nose as he shook his head in pity. His hunched position reflected his utter lack of hope in changing the villagers' minds. "Hate is something you must never harbor, Naruto. I think you should know about hate before we move on." He looked around the store and grinned. "But that doesn't mean we can't get a head start on the Hokage's imminent decree. All of this equipment will be the property of Konoha's ninja, so, we can take it without it actually being theft." He grabbed an olive-drab jumpsuit. "Let's get you a few different outfits for varying environments." He shuffled around the store, plucking various items from racks and hangars. "Naruto, there is a fundamental difference between anger and hatred. It is a disturbingly short path from anger to hate, but the path back is long and treacherous. Anger is a feeling harbored toward an individual or group where you feel that you have been wronged and that justice has not yet been served. When the score is even, so to speak, the anger abates and you can move on with your life. Now, anger can actually be a good thing. Sometimes it can make your technique sloppy, so you must avoid that occurrence, but anger can be a fabulous motivator. When you summoned those shadow clones to dispose of Mizuki, you were acting out of anger from him threatening Iruka. Hmm… Try these kunai. I hear they're pretty good." He tossed Naruto a bandolier of kunai with teardrop-shaped blades. "Hate, on the other hand, is pursuing a person or group long after the score has been evened. It can take many forms, and since I'm not a hateful person myself, I find it difficult to classify hatred specifically. But, I'll try my best: hate is when you want to bring harm or ill to a person or group even when they have done nothing to you that would warrant such violence. Racism is a good representation of this." "Like how Haku's family was hunted down and killed?" Naruto interjected. "Yes, Naruto. That's an excellent example. Your situation is another prime specimen of hate. You hold the Kyuubi within you, but it holds no sway over you. The Yondaime Hokage did an excellent job in sealing it away, even if it did cost his life in the process. But these villagers refuse to see the truth before their eyes. They ignore real life and choose instead to live in some nightmare world where you are the ultimate evil. Much as it pains me to say this, even when you become Hokage, these people will still hate you. Hate cannot be changed. They may pretend to love you, but hate is not so easily extinguished. Only when a person is truly willing to let go of their need to harm you can that person finally become exorcised of this hatred."

Naruto nodded, still processing all of this information. "Thanks for the explanation, Yesuo-sensei." He looked down at the pile of stuff around his feet and in his lap. "Uh, I think I have enough equipment."

Yasuo turned and looked at the pile. His expression became a sheepish smile as he saw how much crap he'd pulled out. "Heheh, yeah. That looks like enough."

—TIMESKIP—

In addition to new ninja outfits, Yasuo had forced Naruto to mooch some civilian clothes for when he was just hanging out. Naruto was currently wearing one such outfit. He wore a black t-shirt with Kazuma of S-cry-Ed emblazoned on the chest, dark-blue cargos, and a violet hoodie with Evangelion Unit-01 on the back.

The hyperactive blonde was headed to his favorite restaurant in all of Konoha and the world: Ichiraku's Ramen Shop! He pulled aside the bamboo curtain and sat down, loudly greeting the tall, bald owner/operator of the stand. "Hi Teuchi-san!" The big man looked over at his best customer and laughed. "Hey! It's Naruto! I can pay my rent again!" Naruto looked to the side and saw Teuchi's daughter serving someone else. How did he not notice someone else there? Oh, yeah. He was focused on ramen. "Hi Ayame-neechan!" The blonde leaned over to see who was eating there. Short-cut violet hair and a submissive, almost dejected posture. Obviously Naruto did not know these words, but they were exactly the ones that synchronized with his nonverbal thoughts. "Hi there, Hinata-san!"

The girl turned around with an 'eep!', and blushed redder than Dasha's hair. "H-hello, N-N-Naruto-k-kun." The shy girl pressed her index fingers together, a nervous tic of some sort.

"So, Hinata, why're you here? I thought the Hyuugas had all sorts of personal chefs and froufrou stuff like that." Hinata nodded. "We do, but they don't serve that much variety. I remembered you saying how good this restaurant was, so I decided to see for myself." Trying to shift the topic away from herself, Hinata pointed at Naruto's shirt. "I s-see you have some new clothes."

Naruto nodded, instantly hyper again. "Yeah! Yasuo-sensei arrested this lady for a breach of a Hokage decree, and we were able to take whatever we wanted without it being stealing! Cool, huh?"

"Mm-hm," Hinata replied, still blushing. She was now letting her eyes roam over Naruto's new outfit. She eminently approved.

Teuchi interrupted Hinata's assessment by slamming down several bowls. One bowl of miso ramen for Hinata, and three bowls of pork ramen to start for Naruto. Hinata ate quietly and inconspicuously, barely making a sound even when she was forced to slurp her noodles. She had been ingrained with a fear of failure and embarrassment, which was why she stuttered around Naruto. Hinata always needed an extra second or two to think when speaking to someone whose approval she desired, and as such she would frequently second-guess her words. If she hadn't been so afraid of her father from such an early age, she might have had the courage to say what she really wanted to: her father was a bastard. He was a total dick, and he needed a complete attitude adjustment. Of COURSE Hinata always lost to Hanabi! She couldn't hurt her baby sister! Unfortunately, Hanabi did not share such sibling compassion. If Hinata didn't care so much for her sister, she'd have called the girl a brat, a bitch, and worse.

Perhaps all she needed was a little courage. She needed to find someone who'd let her borrow some.

Naruto had finished his first three bowls and had already signaled for more of the same. Hinata stared down at her bowl; barely half of the noodles gone, and it was already starting to lose its heat.

She looked over at Naruto. He was always so strong, so happy, even though so many of the villagers seemed to hate him for an unspoken reason. And the rest of his team had quite the reputation for being confident shifters of the paradigm.

Hinata stared into the mirror on the side of the shop, which Teuchi had installed so that customers could check for splatter on their faces. Hinata stared and stared, and she didn't like what she saw. She saw a shy, scared little girl, too afraid of daddy to do anything for herself. Everything had to be done with his approval. Her eyebrows slowly knitted together in a furious expression.

All this time, Hinata had been drawing attention from the other three people in the shop. The trio were all equally astounded when, after glaring at her reflection, Hinata suddenly dug into her ramen, ignoring the demure appearance she was supposed to exude. She was hungry, dammit!

The Hyuuga finished drinking her broth and paid for her meal. "Thank you, Ichiraku-san. That was delicious. She turned to Naruto. "I–" She caught herself, stopped, and took a breath. "I'll see you later, Naruto-kun." The violet-haired girl strode off with a newfound strength in her stride.

—SCENEBREAK—

The Sandaime Hokage stared at his nephew. "Asuma, are you certain?"

The stocky jounin took another drag on his cigarette. "Yes, Hokage-sama. I will vouch for Team Ten. They are ready for the Chuunin Exams."

Hiruzen shook his head as he looked to the other jounin scattered around the room. He sighed. "Next."

Kakashi Hatake stepped up. "Team Seven is prepared for the rigors of the Chuunin Exams."

Next was Kurenai Yuuhi. "Team Eight is more than ready."

Finally, Yasuo Nagisa spoke up from the back. He was seated on a barrel, leaning against the wall. "Team Three is prepared for the Chuunin Exams. I'll just have to remind Dasha not to kill anybody from this village."

The Sandaime nodded. "I think you're all crazy, but who am I to judge? If you want to put kids in a life-or-death situation, that's your prerogative. You are their senseis, and their deaths will be on your heads, not mine." He stamped the approval sheets. "Here you all go. Don't get them slaughtered."

—TIMESKIP—

Naruto stood beside a wooden plank fence, just waiting. Yasuo-sensei had told him to wait there for his teammates, but that they might be awhile. The blonde sighed. This waiting stuff was hard.

He heard a rustling, and turned around. What Naruto saw made his eyebrow rise almost completely off of his head. There was a section of fence with the planks going sideways. Not only that, but there was a body-shaped lump beneath it. "…Okay, whoever you are, you're dumb. Come out before I start stabbin'."

The camouflage sheet (yeah, right) dropped, revealing the Hokage's moron grandson. "Ah, saw through my disguise, huh?" Naruto shook his head in pity. "It wasn't that hard. You had the slats going the wrong way, and I could see your body beneath the sheet."

Konohamaru smirked. "And that's why you're my eternal rival! You're the only one to see through my camouflage and disguises!"

Shigeru and Akane came walking toward Naruto, hand-in-hand. The big man looked down at Konohamaru. "Uh, Naruto? Who's the tiny nutcase?" The kid spun to face Shigeru, and Naruto already knew more stupidity was on the way. "I'm Konohamaru Sarutobi, grandson of the Sandaime! And when I defeat him, I'll be the Godaime Hokage!"

Shigeru shook his head. "Akane, I think the kid's a dumbass."

Konohamaru pointed at Shigeru with a determined stance. "You know nothing! I'll go right now and beat the Sandaime! Then you'll have to bow to me and call me 'Supreme Overlord Konohamaru, Godaime Hokage'!" Naruto hit the kid over the head. "You do that and the Daimyo'll hit you with a cruise missile, moron!"

Konohamaru dashed off, calling back at them from over his shoulder. "You'll see! I'll do it today!" He promptly slammed into a black-clad teen, who picked him up by the throat.

"Well, look here, Temari," the guy smirked. "Konoha has roaches. Should I help them get rid of the infestation?"

Temari, a tall, statuesque blonde with her wheat-colored hair pulled back into four symmetrical pigtails, shook her head. "Kankurou, we're here to make a GOOD impression, not to kill some street urchin."

Konohamaru struggled in the teen's grip. "I'm no urr-chin! I'm the Hokage's grandson!"

Kankurou laughed. "Oh, Temari! I think the child's delusional! It'd be a mercy killing, trust me!"

Naruto growled. "Look who's talking about delusions, cat-boy! What the hell is up with the makeup? And is that a DOLL on your back? Jeez, you are so GAY!"

"What'd you say, you little shit!?" Kankurou took a step forward, when suddenly a third, rasping voice cut in. "Kankurou, stop right there."

Both Temari and Kankurou froze up as a red-haired boy of approximately Naruto's age appeared out of nowhere. He strode forward until he was standing parallel to Kankurou. "Observe." He took a kunai from the black-clad teen's pouch and held it in the air, slowly bringing it down. The throwing knife stopped dead in the air, and the redhead grunted in exertion as he pulled it down. The tip of the blade sliced off as the kunai completed its downward arc.

Dasha's voice echoed around them. "Nice job, kid. You saw through my trap. How'd you do it?" Dasha came walking around the corner from behind a building, forcing Naruto to do a double take. He hadn't been there a second ago.

The other redhead, the one with the gourd on his back and the kanji for 'Love' on his temple, looked Dasha dead in the eye. "I have my own tricks, and I do not feel like sharing them with such as you." His eyes shifted back to his teammates. "Kankurou, put the boy down. I would not be able to protect you if that man springs his trap."

Dasha smirked. "So, who are you pricks, and why're you here?"

The shorter redhead looked at the taller one with that same dead expression. "I am Gaara, of the Desert. These are my siblings and teammates, Temari and Kankurou. We are here for the annual Chuunin Exams, which are being held in Konoha this year."

"That's right," said Yasuo, who had suddenly and silently appeared behind his team. "And all four of you are going to be competing!"

While Naruto, Akane and Shigeru were all stunned and looking at Yasuo, Dasha kept his gaze trained on Gaara. His face broke into a wide, ferocious grin. "I'm looking forward to kicking your ass, Gaara."


	9. SAT: Suck Ass Test

**Chapter 9:**

**SAT: Suck-Ass Test (Or: Standardize THIS!)**

Naruto sat, listening intently to the argument occurring before him. To his left was Dasha, who seemed to be lying atop a hammock made from a woven net of his chakra threads. To Naruto's right sat Shigeru and Akane, who alternated between paying attention and exchanging soft, loving kisses.

Yasuo, Kakashi, and the Sandaime stood on one side of the room. On the other side stood several foreign jounin senseis, including a particularly severe man named Baki. In the introductions, Yasuo had not earned any Brownie points with the Suna jounin when a Freudian slip caused him to call the dark-skinned man "Baka". Others on Baki's side of the room were a Kusa nin named Rikimaru, a jounin from Iwa (that alone had pissed off Shigeru to no end) called Kamuro, and a Kumo jounin named Yorichi.

"I don't care what the hell you say," Yasuo spat, "we're not kicking Naruto off of Team Three!"

Baki scoffed. "This is a blatant disregard of the rules for the Chuunin Exams!" This comment caused the Hokage to respond. With such a simple gesture as calmly holding up a hand, Hiruzen commanded total attention. "Be silent, you ignorant Visigoth. The rules for the Chuunin Exams state that only complete ninja teams may enter. Naruto Uzumaki may be the fourth member of Team Three, but this team is officially recognized by all Hidden Villages as a true ninja team." Baki interjected. "Hokage-san, you can't possibly–" Sarutobi leapt from his seat, eyes blazing. "That's Hokage-SAMA to you, bakayarou! And as for the legitimacy of Team Three, your Kazekage signed off on this, so don't you dare bitch at me, you little asswipe!"

Everyone in the room had been silenced by this outburst. Throughout his entire career, the Sandaime Hokage had been characterized by his patience and calm demeanor. No one in the room had ever heard him curse before, nor had anyone there heard him even raise his voice.

Kamuro, though wary of the Hokage's wrath, tried to make an appeal to reason. "Hokage-sama, surely you can see the problem we face. If one village gets but a single extra genin, it could tip the scales in their favor." He swallowed hard under the Sandaime's gaze, but continued. "All I am proposing is that each village competing be allowed to add a genin to just one of their teams. Surely that is not too much to ask."

Sarutobi nodded. "I suppose that couldn't hurt. And it'll give us more students from which to choose. Alright, since Konoha is hosting, I've been granted final say in matters. I will allow, this time only, for each Hidden Village to attach one more genin to a single team. Acceptable?"

Baki blanched. "But, we have no other genin qualified for the Exams! This is still unbalanced against us!"

Kamuro looked at him in a perfect deadpan. "You have Sabaku no Gaara. He's already worth two regular genin." The Iwa nin turned to the rest of the senseis on his side of the room. "If you have another genin eligible for the Chuunin Exams, I suggest you get him to Konoha, pronto."

Baki, his pride injured, couldn't stop himself from reflexively shooting a dirty look at the Konoha nin, his gaze involuntarily centering the three, therefore coming to rest on the Hokage. Seeing the direction of his glare, Kakashi and Yasuo both drew their weapons and took a step forward. Hiruzen chuckled. "You'd do well not to aggravate my dogs, Baki; they are quite protective of me. The White Hound would kill you with a neck bite, and my Mad Dog would ravage your corpse." Yasuo rotated his kukris to accentuate this statement.

Realizing just who was in the room, Baki quickly bowed. "My apologies, Hokage-sama. I had forgotten in whose company I stand." Hastily inventing some other pressing engagement, the Suna nin excused himself from the room. Yasuo sheathed one of his kukris while he picked his teeth with the other.

Naruto shook his head and turned to Shigeru, only to see him with his tongue halfway down Akane's throat. Making a regurgitation noise worthy of Dasha, he then turned to said teammate. "Dasha, why don't any of our professionals ever act professional?"

Dasha held up two fingers, pressing each one with his other hand's index finger as he listed the points. "First, because you don't live to see their age by being clean-cut. And second, because the author thinks it's funny." Seeing Naruto's blank expression, Dasha smacked himself in the forehead. "Crap! I just broke the fourth wall and eliminated all verisimilitude!"

Naruto scratched his head. "Why would mentioning an author make you eliminate your laxitives?"

Dasha just stared at him, deciding to let this conversation drop before anything else silly were to occur.

Outside, at the reception desk sat a smartly dressed man in a brown sport coat. He tapped his papers on the desk to straighten them and looked purposefully straight ahead and slightly to his left. "And now for something completely different."

—NO. 1: THE LARCH—

The Chuunin Exams' first test had been delayed one day while the additional genin arrived by boat or by train, depending on the wealth and distance from Konoha of their home villages.

All in all, not much had been changed. Kusa's only team had added one more member, and they were all dressed in an eerily identical fashion: beige tunics, black spandex pants, massive purple rope-bows serving as belts, and hats in the traditional style of rice-paddy workers. A team from Ame (which pissed off Dasha as much as the Iwa team had irked Shigeru) had gained an extra member, but he seemed more like a bellhop: only there to carry around the equipment.

Yasuo-sensei had warned his team about what they would face in the exams: the first phase was almost always a written test, and he had ordered them to reexamine their old assignments from the academy. The second stage was typically a survival competition or mock mission of some sort, and they'd need to stock up on food. The third stage was always an elimination-style tournament, with the winner awarded a monetary prize worth the same as a typical A-ranked mission.

The four walked side-by-side as they exited the elevator and headed for the conference room. In front of them were three of Naruto's old acquaintances: the stocky Douza Foi, the disturbing combination of sickly sweetness and violent tendencies that was Sakura Haruno, and the last Uchiha in Konoha, Sasuke Uchiha.

"Why don't you remove the genjutsu and let us all get on with our lives? This is the second floor, not the third," Sasuke smirked.

Dasha promptly walked up and smacked him in the back of the head. "Stupidass! Now all of these dumbshits who couldn't count are gonna be our competition again!"

Douza grabbed the spindly genin's arm, but a death glare from Shigeru made him rethink this course of action. Sakura, however, was quick to defend her crush. "Where do you get off hitting Sasuke-kun!?" Inner Sakura was currently taking a chainsaw to Imaginary Dasha. _Cha! I'll beat him so hard his sensei will be bruised!_

Dasha shot the pink-haired kunoichi a steely glare worthy of Ibiki Morino. "Because, Pinky, he just gave the genetic rejects another chance to beat us. All one of 'em needs to do is get really lucky, and they can shunt us out of the running for chuunin! You three need to focus on pragmatism instead of showing off!" Dasha took a moment to catch his breath, but cut off Sakura just before she opened her mouth. "Yes, Sasuke, your Sharingan is impressive. It lets you see through genutsu; whoop-a-dee-doo! Don't go sharing your abilities with our enemies! All of the ninja here, especially those from other villages, are now our enemies! Don't forget that, kid."

Then, as though it had been choreographed, all four members of Team Three turned on their heels, spinning to their left, and reentered the elevator.

—SCENEBREAK—

As all of the ninja filtered into the conference room, they lighted wherever they pleased: on top of chairs, boxes, on the ceiling and walls, and even asleep on the floor.

Naruto brought unwanted cheer to the room. "Yeah! We're totally gonna dominate in these exams! I'm winning this whole thing!" The room became silent as all eyes swiveled to rest on Team Three. One big, scary guy with spiny umbrellas on his back chuckled. "Looks like we got ourselves a future Kage here, guys. What's your name, kid? So I can tell them what to put on your tombstone!"

His teammates could see the fire in Naruto's eyes, and somehow followed his train of thought. Naruto pointed out into the crowd. "I'm Naruto Uzumaki!" The broad-shouldered young man followed suit. "Shigeru Iwa!" The redhead gestured to a different part of the room. "Dasha Ame!" The brown-haired beauty stood shoulder-to-shoulder with her boyfriend, exuding confidence. "Akane Hozuka!"

"And we," the quartet shouted as one voice, "are gonna kick all your asses!"

The room blinked collectively. Those four, when they spoke together, sounded as a great roaring beast.

Sasuke strode in behind Team Three. "Cool your afterburners, Uzumaki. We don't want your one brain cell dying from heat stroke." Naruto spun and shot Sasuke the bird. "Suck it, Uchiha! I'm in no mood to deal with you!"

Sasuke had to keep from gaping at the blonde. Where was the overconfident little screw-up from the academy? Sure, Naruto was still massively confident, but his posture and attitude made Sasuke think, even for a moment, that Uzumaki could back up his bravado if provoked. It was a disturbing thought, to say the least.

Team Seven lurched off to another corner of the room, Sasuke muttering something about Naruto not being worth his time. He'd been trying to goad the blonde into a fight, to assess his skills. Instead of taking the bait, as he would have in the academy, Naruto simply turned away from Sasuke without so much as a retort, truly judging the Uchiha as not being worth his time. The black-haired preteen was practically seething with fury. Where did Naruto get this sense of self, and why!?

"I take it from your expression that you're wondering about another ninja in here, right?"

Team Seven turned to see an unassuming, bespectacled Konoha genin standing behind them. His purple tunic was well-groomed, and he had a rather pacifist feel about him. "Ah, sorry. I forgot to introduce myself. Kabuto Yakushi, at your service. I'm a veteran of the Chuunin exams, and I've found it very useful to gather info on the other ninja in the exams."

Sakura let her shoulders sag. "But…we don't have any info like that…" _Cha! I KNEW I should've Googled the exams!_

Kabuto smiled. "Don't give up hope just yet. Maybe I can help you kids out… With my ninja info cards." He fanned out several blank sheets of paper. Sakura cocked her head to one side. "What the heck are those?" Kabuto smirked. "They're cards containing secrets about nearly every genin taking the exams: home village, areas of expertise, relative strength, mission history, and even favorite techniques." He slapped one on the floor. "They appear blank, until…" As he pressed his finger to it, the card began to spin in place, and color bled into it. "Only my chakra will activate them, and once I'm no longer touching them, they fade in seconds. Ultimate security." He shuffled the cards back together. "So, who'd you like to know about?"

Sasuke thought for a moment. "All of Team Three, Gaara of the Desert, and…and that weird guy who keeps staring at me." Sasuke shot a look at a bandaged youth in black-and-gray camouflage. With only one eye exposed, the teen resembled a mummy.

Kabuto nodded, pulling out six cards. "Gaara of the Desert… He's participated in over 20 C-rank missions and a B-rank, no D-ranked missions at all. Relative strength is unknown, but his own teammates fear him. He hails from Sunagakure, and is the son of the Yondaime Kazekage." He withdrew that card and revealed the next one. "Mummy-boy is called Dosu. That's pretty much all I know about him, except that he and his team are from the Sound Village, that new ninja village that popped up in Rice Country." He fanned out the remaining four cards. "Akane Hozuka: hailing, obviously, from Konoha, her relative strength is unknown. She's participated in 53 D-ranked missions, 12 C-rank missions, 3 B-rank missions, and one C-rank that was upgraded to an A-rank upon the intervention of an S-rank nukenin. Her favored techniques have to do with those bandages she wears, but I couldn't turn up anything certain. No bloodline trait to speak of." He drew the next card. "Shigeru Iwa: relative strength is unknown, but physical strength outstrips the required jounin minimum. Mission history is the same as Akane, and his favored technique is a bloodline trait called Titan Armor. Other than the name, I have no information regarding this technique." Brandishing the next card, he continued. "Dasha Ame: relative strength is unknown, but he forced Konoha jounin Hayate Gekkou to yield in a sparring match. His mission history is the same as Akane's. His favored technique has no name, and I have no specifics. All I know is that those he helped to imprison say he creates a web of death. I suppose, then, that it's appropriate that his surname means Spider as well as Rain." His last card changed to reveal the grinning face of a certain hyperactive blonde. "Naruto Uzumaki: strength comparable to a veteran genin, and on occasion he has been shown to exhibit shows of power and skill befitting a chuunin or even a jounin. He shows a particular talent for stealth and field tactics. He's participated in 14 D-ranked missions, and one C-rank that was upgraded to an A-rank. Nothing substantial, but it's been rumored that he singlehandedly overwhelmed a jounin-level assassin. It is a fact that, before he graduated the academy, he defeated former sensei Mizuki without assistance. Favored technique is the Shadow Clone, a forbidden jutsu."

Kabuto slid his cards back into their deck case, upon which was printed a rather suggestive picture of Alexis (or Asuka) from Yu-Gi-Oh! G/X. "Hope that helped you kids." And with that, he strode off.

As Team Seven pondered this information, the proctor for the First Exam walked in. To everyone's shock, horror and dismay, it was Ibiki Morino, head of the Konoha Interrogations Division. His gaze alone could break most members of ANBU Black Ops.

"Alright, you little shits," he growled, "take your seats, and you are not allowed to sit within seven seats of any teammate."

Naruto broke off from his team, intending to sit next to Shino for old time's sake. As he headed over, he passed Kiba and said hello, to which the Inuzuka replied with a rude hand gesture. Hinata waved and said hello, and although she blushed, it was not as bright nor as crippling as before. She was determined to become brave enough to confess her feelings.

Naruto plopped down next to the young Aburame. "Hi Shino!"

"…"

"How ya doin'?"

"…Fine."

Naruto smiled. "That's good. Good luck on the test." Shino looked over at the blonde. "…You, too."

Ibiki stood at the podium. "Alright maggots! This is how it works: No conferencing with teammates or friends of any sort, and if you're caught cheating, you and your entire team will be kicked out of the exam!"

Dasha raised an eyebrow. If they're _caught_ cheating? Then, cheating's alright, so long as they don't get caught? Well, it sounded like something akin to the Ring of Gyges: it's not immoral if you're not held responsible. One glance at the test told him that he'd have to cheat; the nine questions were nearly impossible for a genin to answer. Perhaps someone like Itachi Uchiha could have answered these when he was a genin, but anyone who wasn't a psychotic genius had a snowball's chance in hell.

He smirked, and began to extrude his chakra threads, checking for people's pulses. Someone with a calm, even pulse might be severely delusional about the test, but it was more likely that they would know the answers. Finding someone such as that, Dasha traced his threads over the indentations in the paper. After writing down the answers himself, he helped manipulate his teammates' pencils to scratch out the correct responses to the questions.

As soon as Dasha was finished with his subversion, Ibiki called the test to a close. "Now then, you have a choice whether or not to take the final question. If you choose not to take it, then you and your entire team will be disqualified." Someone in the back laughed. "Then why wouldn't we take it?" Ibiki snickered, and the sound was like Satan gloating. "Because, if you answer it incorrectly, you will never be allowed to take the chuunin exams again!"

Kabuto blanched. "But, I've taken the exams before, and this never happened!"

Ibiki laughed outright. "That's because I wasn't proctor, and there was never this much confusion. With the four-man-team fiasco, nobody was paying attention to some provisos I slipped into my contract as proctor." He looked out at the crowd of students. "So, raise your hand if you want to bow out of the exams now, and have the chance to compete next year in Kumo."

Naruto followed the advice Dasha had dished out to Sasuke: don't give the enemy an unfair advantage. However, when he saw Hinata's hand rising, his resolve broke. He really liked Team Eight, even Kiba, whom he saw as a friendly (okay, perhaps not quite _friendly_) rival, and didn't want them to get disqualified.

In an impulsive move, Naruto raised his hand. Ibiki craned an eyebrow, and then actually blinked when the blonde slammed his palm onto the desk. "You can't scare me, Morino! Even if you keep me stuck as a genin forever, I'll still become Hokage! Rank is barely an issue in the long run!" Shigeru echoed this sentiment. "Yeah, no rank tells me what I can and can't do! I summoned a Water Dragon strong enough to hold off one created by a Kirigakure jounin! What genin is supposed to be able to do that!?"

Dasha folded his arms, grinning. "Besides, the ranks were just invented to sort ninja by power level. These days, with rank being more superficial, there's no reason why a genin couldn't beat a jounin! In fact, I think one could garner even MORE fame and reputation that way! Sign me up for that final question! I win either way!"

Naruto heard Hinata breathe a sigh of relief, and looked over to see that she had lowered her hand. He smiled softly, and was amazed to see Ibiki almost beaming with pride. "As always, it's Konoha who sets the trend." He leaned against the podium. "You all pass." As the room became thick with questions, he held up his hand to silence the genin. "That choice was the tenth question. A proper ninja needs to be bold enough to take risks. And, as Team Three pointed out, there's no reason for a genin to be stuck doing D-ranked missions. Sure, the higher-ranked missions are typically handed out to higher-ranked ninja, but the missions are assigned based on skill, not on rank."

"In addition, a ninja needs to remain calm even under extreme pressure. You may find yourselves captives of an enemy nation and subjected to—"

The window exploded inward, and a ball of paper unfurled into a banner affixed to the wall by four kunai: "_The Super-Sexy and Super-Single Anko Mitarashi!_" Said Anko, a tewntysomething with purple hair and brown eyes, appeared just below the banner, in an outfit that made most of the male population begin to drool with reckless abandon. Her skirt was so short as to be beyond mini, and her jacket barely covered her breasts. Her fishnet shirt, of course, did absolutely nothing to conceal her considerable -*ahem*- assets.

Shigeru turned and stared into Akane's eyes. The brunette smiled at the intimacy, but then wondered… "Shigeru-kun? Is there any particular reason why you're staring at me so intently?"

He nodded embarrassedly. "Yes, Akane-chan. I'm reminding myself that I already have the love of a gorgeous young woman. Because, even though you're utterly beautiful, she does have about a decade on you, and the advantage of the…developments…that accompany her age."

Akane nodded. "Thanks for your honesty, Shigeru-kun. I'll beat you later, you perv."

Anko struck a power pose and shouted as loud as Naruto at his best. "Alright then, bastards! I'm Anko Mitarashi, proctor for the second stage of the Chuunin Exams! Meet me at Training Ground 42 in half an hour!" She then leapt out of the window, and the banner changed. "_She's hot, ain't she?_"

Dasha sighed. "Yes, she is. But she's also a nutcase…"

_Omake!_

Kabuto smiled. "Don't give up hope just yet. Maybe I can help you kids out… With my, Ninja Info Cards!" A bass beat started up in the background. "With my, Ninja Info Cards! With my, Ninja Info Cards! With my, Ninja, Ninja, Ninja, Ninja! With my, Nina Info Cards!" Sakura looked at him. "What the heck are those?" "Ninja Info Cards! With my, Ninja Info Cards!"

The camera panned to the side, as Kabuto continued his rap. There, in the middle of the conference room, sat that same smartly dressed man, behind yet another desk. He tapped his papers on the desk to straighten them out, and looked straight ahead. "And now for something completely different: the end of this chapter."


	10. Survival

**Chapter 10:**

**Survival (Or: The Chuunin Exams — The Sequel)**

As in the conference room, all of the genin were milling about in front of the fenced-in Training Ground 42. The various teams had all grouped together in random clumps. The Konoha "Rookie Nine" – Ino, Chouji and Shikamaru of Team Ten; Kiba, Hinata and Shino of Team Eight; and Sakura, Douza and Sasuke of Team Seven – had all congregated beneath one of the massive oak trees outside of the training ground. The Sound team was engaged in an odd hybrid of conversation, debate and argument with Kabuto's Team Two.

And the Suna team stood beside one of the main roads leading back to Konoha; Temari and Kankurou had protested this wait, but Gaara wanted to meet up with Team Three again. Something about those four ninja intrigued him to no end. That red-haired genin, the one called Dasha, his eyes and attitude reminded Gaara of himself, and yet he acted nothing like the Suna youth. Dasha, like his teammates, demonstrated an inexplicable urge to protect others. Gaara could tell that none of them had any qualms about killing, and might even enjoy it on occasion, and yet…they did not kill as Gaara did. They killed to protect, to exercise justice. How could two people seem so superficially similar and yet be so very different?

Four new sets of footsteps tapped mutedly on the grass. Several heads snapped to attention, taking in the sight of a quartet of genin armed to the teeth. Akane Hozuka tossed her vibrant brown hair over her shoulder as she checked to make sure the massive, five-foot-wide scrolls on her back hadn't fallen off. Her olive-and-black camouflage outfit had been treated with special oils, allowing her to slip easily from any bonds or grip in which she might find herself trapped. Shigeru Iwa's steel gauntlets and greaves clanked as he strolled along. His brown eyes matched his outfit, with a forest-floor blend of camouflage. Dasha Ame was quite possibly the oddest of them all. His outfit had been completely replaced by a black leather bodysuit, reinforced with extra plates of boiled, hardened leather. Strapped to his right thigh was his kunai and shuriken pouch, and he bore a backup pouch on the left side of his waist. Finally, Naruto Uzumaki wore a dark-blue-and-olive camouflage jumpsuit, with a wakizashi at his side and that bandolier of teardrop-shaped kunai across his chest. He'd protested against the wakizashi, but Yasuo-sensei had advised him to keep at least one weapon heavier than a kunai. After all, Akane had her bandage explosives, Shigeru had his Titan Armor and sheer physical strength, and Dasha had his chakra threads.

Kiba was the first to comment. "Hey, Uzumaki! What's with the new duds? I don't think a makeover'll help you stop the suck!" Naruto rolled his eyes. "Kiba, don't try to harass me just because your balls haven't dropped yet!" The Inuzuka's jaw hung slack. "Oh, no you didn't! You did NOT just say that to ME!"

Hinata placed a hand on her teammate's shoulder. "Kiba, save it for the forest, or else I'll have you neutered." This time it was Naruto's turn to gape. Sweet, shy little Hinata making threats like that? Surely that must be a sign of the apocalypse in some culture or another.

In front of the gate labeled 01, smoke rose from the ground and coiled together like dueling serpents. As the smoke abated, Anko Mitarashi stood in its place. She looked around at the group and smiled sadistically. "Well, it's good to see that none of you chickened out yet. However, I'm sure some of you will be wishing you had." She gestured to the fence, and the massive forest contained within. "Welcome to Training Ground 42, better known by its nickname: the Forest of Death. This training ground is typically reserved for chuunin training to become jounin, but I managed to get it opened up for you little snots." She placed a hand on her hip, shifting her weight entirely to the opposite foot. "I expect most of you to end up horribly injured, many of that number to be permanently crippled, and at least a dozen of you to die."

Naruto scoffed. "No way, lady! I'm not going down that easily! I'm gonna make it through this, you can count on it!"

Anko smirked. "So, a little overconfident, are we?" In the blink of an eye she hurled a kunai at Naruto, who ducked aside to avoid it. However, before the throwing knife could even reach him, it froze in the air. There was a bit of a cracking noise, and the knife fell apart into nicely sheared pieces. Dasha spoke up from a short distance away. "Don't attack my teammates, or next time that's your throat."

The Special Jounin couldn't help but grin like a madwoman. "I like you kids. Don't die on me; I wanna see you suffer through the whole of the exams!"

Shigeru laughed in reply. "We wouldn't give you the satisfaction. We're headed straight to the top."

Anko nodded thoughtfully and returned to her speech. "Now then, each team will be assigned a scroll, labeled with either Heaven or Earth." She held up the scrolls. The Earth scroll was colored an odd olive-beige, and the Heaven scroll was silvery blue. "It is your job to obtain your scroll's partner. A team with a Heaven scroll must find an Earth, and vice versa. Once you have a complete pair of scrolls, your entire team must make it to the tower in the center of the forest, and upon entering the tower and receiving your cue, you may open your scrolls. You are no allowed to open the scrolls prematurely, no matter what. You will have a total of five days to complete this test. If you fail to reach the tower before noon on day 5, you will be disqualified. If one of your teammates dies or is incapacitated past the deadline, you will be disqualified." During her speech, she had sidled over to a table and pulled down a curtain. "Now, when I call your team name, you may go over to the desk and claim your scroll, then take up a position at any one of the entrance gates. You are not allowed to enter the forest until I give the word. Understood?" Upon hearing a number of replies in the affirmative, Anko held up a list. "Very well, then. First team: Team Eleven from Grass Country." A quartet of identically dressed genin entered beneath the curtain and then headed for gate 16. The snake nin listed off a number more names, including Team Eight and the Sand team, finally calling up Team Three. Akane took the assigned Heaven scroll and placed it inside one of her massive scrolls, effectively hiding it from view. Even those with dojutsu like the Sharingan or Byakugan would only see the chakra in the larger scroll.

The four ninja left the desk and ambled over to the nearest available gate. Shigeru looked up at it and grinned. "Gate 3; how serendipitous." Naruto looked over at him. "What does this have to do with donuts?" Shigeru looked to his teammates for assistance, but Akane sidled away and Dasha shook his head. "Don't ask, dude. Do not ask."

A chill went down their spines, and all four members of Team Three turned to see Gaara staring at them. The massive black circles under his eyes made him all the more disturbing. Did the child ever sleep? "…I wish the four of you luck in the survival exam. Stay alive until I can find you, and kill you." He turned and shuffled off. Dasha chuckled in an attempt to relieve the tension that had befallen his team. "Yeah, nice talking with you, too!"

As he was about to turn back to face the gate, Naruto stopped in his tracks. Something wasn't right. It was almost as though he could smell ill fortune heading his way. His every instinct told him to back out of the exams right now. However, Naruto wasn't one for fear and cowardice. He intended to press forward and realize his dream of becoming Hokage, regardless of how many setbacks he might face. The hyperactive blonde steeled himself, waited for Anko's cue, and burst through the gate.

—SCENEBREAK—

As Team Three dashed through the forest, Akane suggested that they stop in a clearing to catch their bearings. Obviously they could just make a mad dash for the tower, but there really wasn't any point to that unless they had both scrolls. The quartet lit on the ground in a small, dim oval of grass.

"Alright," said Akane, the impromptu leader of Team Three, "we need to locate other ninja teams and take their scrolls. Now, while we only need one scroll – the Earth scroll – there's no reason why we shouldn't take each and every scroll we find. We can use them to barter our way out of sticky situations, or simply to keep our competition low." Dasha nodded in agreement. "And doubtless we're going to run into masters of tai, gen, and ninjutsu, so we should be prepared and assign each of us to a particular tactic." He tapped his chin for a moment or two. "Akane, you'll be in charge of identifying and dispelling genjutsu. Shigeru, you'll be first line of defense against taijutsu. Naruto and I will both handle ninjutsu, depending on what's thrown at us. Now, just in case someone tries to impersonate one of us, we should have a password; it would need to be something special, something only one of us would know…" After roughly a minute of group thinking, Shigeru snapped his fingers. "I've got it! Dasha, we'll name it after your signature technique, the one you used to nearly obliterate Haku." Dasha's eyes lit up and he smacked the butt of his fist against his palm. "That's genius, Shigeru!"

Akane nodded and gave Shigeru an appreciative kiss on the cheek. In half a second, she was back to business. "Now, we need to figure out exactly where we are, where the tower is in relation to us, and we need to locate the nearest genin teams." Dasha placed a foot against the trunk of an exceptionally tall tree. "I'll head up and check for the tower. Once I find it, I think I can rig up a chakra-powered compass to point us toward it no matter what. But as for scouting…"

All eyes fell on Naruto, and the blonde stared blankly in return. "…What, I got something on my face?" Akane shook her head, both in a negative reply and in abject disbelief. "No, Naruto. You're the stealth expert of our group. We want you to use all your cunning to find the nearest genin teams, and then come get us. Whatever we do, we do as a team."

The blonde shrugged. "Eh, what could it hurt?" And with that, he slunk into the undergrowth, vanishing in seconds. Shigeru stared thoughtfully at the area where Naruto had vanished. "Y'know, I remember a story about Naruto pranking the entire Hyuuga complex. They said he snuck past all the security and rigged the toilets to explode when flushed. Then he went into the bedroom of Hiashi himself and tied pink, lacy bows in his hair."

"Oh yeah, I remember that," Dasha commented, hanging from a vine. "Nobody could find any evidence that it was Naruto who did it, but that smug grin he had for the next week or so told us who Konoha's prank master was." The redhead dropped to the forest floor, smirking. "I got us a tower compass." He held up a small button, like off of a long-sleeve shirt. The threads wrapped around the button all pointed toward the tower. "C'mon, who rocks?"

"I do," Naruto replied. "I found three teams nearby, including Team Sasuke." He dusted himself off, rejoining his team. "Sasuke and Douza just took off to go scouting, and Sakura stayed behind to set up a base camp, or something stupid like that."

Dasha shook his head in disgust. "They're showing off again, trying to pull a stunt like out of the movies. I'll bet they plan to make some super-secret hidden base from which they can launch attacks with impunity." He stopped in his tracks, and grinned with an insane glint to his eyes. "Hey, Sakura's alone, right?"

Naruto nodded, not seeing where this was going.

Dasha straightened up, clearing his throat several times and stretching his jaw. When he next spoke, his voice was not his own, but the voice of Sasuke Uchiha. "Then let's go say hi."

—SCENEBREAK—

Sakura cut pieces of sod from the forest floor, covering their makeshift hideout. She had no idea how Sasuke and Douza expected her to make this, this…mess look like a natural hill, but she was willing to do it for her Sasuke-kun. However, even for Sakura, Sasuke's demands were already beginning to grate on her.

The pink-haired kunoichi sat on a nearby rock, wiping the sweat from her forehead and taking a break to catch her breath. She sat up and let out a slight 'eep!' of surprise when she heard Saskue calling to her from the bushes.

"Sakura, don't look over at me, and don't act like anything is wrong… There's a team of ninja ready to bum-rush you. Now, slowly and calmly, make your way over to these bushes. Follow my voice, and for Kami's sake, don't act like this is anything out of the ordinary."

Sakura had to resist nodding, and rose to amble over to the bushes. She sidled into the foliage only to be pulled down and restrained. A red-haired nin grinned at her, green eyes blazing. "I told you there was a ninja team ready to bum-rush you," he taunted with Sasuke's voice. "Akane, check her for the scroll. If not, then Naruto will take the place of Sakura in wait for Sasuke's return."

The brunette patted down the bubblegum-head. "No scroll here, Dasha." The redhead, now identified to Sakura as Dasha, rolled his eyes and turned to Naruto. Sakura turned to look at Naruto, remembering how much of a crush he had on her. "Naruto," she pouted, "you're not going to let them do this to me, are you?"

The blonde shrugged. "Nothing personal, Sakura." He made the appropriate hand signs, and the puff of smoke cleared to reveal a second Sakura. "Alright then…" He grabbed at his throat, freaking out. "Oh, crap! I still have my voice!"

Dasha groaned. "Do I have to do everything around here?" Shigeru looked at him. "Yes."

The redhead shrugged. "Guess I can't argue with that kind of logic." As a third Sakura appeared, the second one vanished as it transformed back into Naruto. The newest Sakura cleared his throat and flexed his diaphragm. "Well, how do I sound?" His broad-shouldered teammate laughed. "Even whinier than the original!" Sakura kicked at Shigeru in retribution, and was promptly rebuked by Akane pulling her hair.

The brunette slapped a sutra over Sakura's mouth, describing its properties with a certain sadistic glee. "This is a special explosive tag of my own design. If it detects a certain disruption, it goes boom. In your case, if the adhesive side feels a blast of air with vibrations similar to speech, it detonates. So, if I were you, I'd be quiet. If you're not, we can use your remains to attract a meal."

Sakura blanched and wisely pressed her lips shut.

Dasha strode out into the clearing, picking up exactly where Sakura had left off on the rock. Several minutes later, Sasuke and Douza returned. The pair looked at the shoddy construct, and the Uchiha's lip curled up. "This is the best you could do?" Dasha replied in a perfect impression of Sakura, "But Sasuke-kuuunnn, I barely had any time to get to work, and it's not exactly easy to keep the grass together when I'm trying to stretch it over that frame…" He threw himself onto Sasuke. "Sasuke-kun, can you ever forgive me!?"

The permanently depressed preteen pushed away his pseudo-teammate. "Get off of me." He looked at the supposed 'base camp,' and sighed. "…I suppose you did what you could…"

Dasha smild sweetly. "Oh, I did a little more than that…" His face suddenly contorted into a snarl as he grabbed and pulled on his chakra threads. In an instant, Sasuke and Douza were strung up like puppets. With a poof of smoke, Dasha Ame was standing in Sakura's place. "Really, guys," he said with Sakura's voice, "you need to pay better attention to your surroundings." He moved one of his fingers, causing the Uchiha's head to rise. "And whatever happened to the mighty Sharingan and its ability to see through genjutsu?"

The other members of Team Three emerged, Shigeru carrying Sakura like she was a duffel bag. "Nice work, Dasha," Naruto smiled. "And Sasuke, Douza, you two are so dumb. And I'm not even talking about Dasha's impression of Sakura. I'm talking about you all building some sort of base camp! That's just…dumb."

Sasuke smirked. "Not so much." He managed to peel something from his wrist and dropped it, kicking it into the ramshackle camp. Instantly, several massive, serrated spears burst from beneath the sod and impaled Dasha, Akane and Shigeru. The three mortally wounded ninja laughed before exploding in a hail of kunai. From behind Sasuke, Akane caught one of the flying kunai and held it to the Uchiha's throat. "Nice job. Had it been anyone else, you might've won. But against us, you've got no chance." She reached into his pocket and pulled out the scroll. "Ah, crap. It's only a Heaven scroll." She looked down at Douza and Sasuke, suspended helplessly within Dasha's chakra web. "Oh, what the hell I'll keep it anyway." She tossed the scroll to Shigeru, who promptly sealed it within a tag, which he then stuffed down his pants and adhered to the inside of his boxers. "How many people are willing to go in there for a scroll?" he grinned.

Dasha cracked his neck. "Well, it's been a real slice, but the big kids have some actual work to do. You children stay here and play in the sand." He cackled as they walked away, leaving Sasuke and Douza fuming. Several seconds later, the chakra threads broke apart and released the preteens.

Douza spun around and slammed his fist into a tree. "Damn it! Now we don't even have one scroll!"

Sakura rolled her eyes. "So, you CAN count."

A shouting match was primed to explode, but was interrupted by the interjection of a new voice. "You need a scroll, you say?"

A Kusa genin strode into view, her voice cold and her gaze even icier. The right corner of her mouth curled up, and Sakura nearly passed out from fear. Whoever this was, she wasn't someone to be taken lightly. The girl licked her lips with an aberrantly long tongue. "Perhaps I can help with that."


	11. Run

**Chapter 11:**

**Run**

The Kusa nin smirked, holding up an Earth scroll as she ambled toward Team Seven. "You want a scroll, right? Well, let's make a game out of it." She held the scroll up to her mouth, and that freakish tongue flowed out, wrapping around the scroll. Her jaw disengaged, and she swallowed the paper whole. "There we are. Now the rules of this game are simple: at the end of it, one side has the scroll, and the other side is _dead._"

The pure malice and sadistic glee that rolled off of her words froze the genin in their tracks. The Kusa nin leapt forward, and it was Sakura who managed to act first, barely moving time to parry the attacker's aerial kick. Sakura's kunai bit into the sole of the freak's sandal, and the pink-haired genin was rewarded with a front kick to the chin. The girl was nearly knocked unconscious just from that one kick! _Ugh…she hits like a hammer_, thought Sakura.

Douza managed to shake off the miasma of absolute fear, grabbed a nearby large rock, and hurled it at the Kusa nin. The black-haired female moved to parry but, as her hand connected with the rock, the stone erupted into shards, punching sizeable holes through the woman. Sasuke was about to congratulate Douza when the enemy nin melted into mud. The Uchiha barely had time to breathe before he found himself under attack. This woman was so freakishly fast; she would leap out to strike, ricochet back into the bushes, and reappear from another angle!

He looked up to see her bearing down on him with a pair of kunai. Dodging just in time to avoid a painful death, Sasuke lashed out with a leg in a hasty whip kick. Unfortunately, hasty is usually synonymous with clumsy, and the Kusa genin matched the kick with one of her own, the soles of their feet crashing together with disastrous results. The recoil from the kicks impacted deep into the ligaments of Sasuke's kneecap, and the Konoha genin was forced to hobble away.

Sakura and Douza each hurled several volleys of kunai at the attacker in order to buy their teammate some time to escape, but it was all for naught. The woman flowed like a serpent through the flying combat knives, heading straight for Sasuke. She leapt into the air, bearing down on the last Uchiha, her eyes alight with triumphant joy.

And that's when she slammed neck-first into something invisible, spinning around it like in a Loony Toons short. She landed flat on her back with a sickening crunch, and when she stood, it looked as though she were actually in some pain.

"We'll cover you guys," said Dasha Ame, standing in a nearby tree. He looked down at Team Seven to find them just staring at him. "Well, what're you morons waiting for? RUN!!!"

The Kusa nin folded her arms across her chest. "What makes you think you'll even be worth a meal to me?" In answer, the ground erupted into deadly spikes. The woman backflipped, but a bladed spire still bit into her calf, carving a bloody trench. Shigeru Iwa rose up out of the ground, clad in his Titan Armor. "What makes you think you'll be worth our time?" he countered.

Akane and Naruto simultaneously leapt at the black-haired woman, catching her in a pincer of blows. She parried Naruto's heavy-handed strikes, but his finessed ripostes slipped through her defenses, leaving small, painful bruises around her ribs and kidneys. Akane would lead with punches and kicks, but would then extrude her bandages, detonating them as soon as they touched her enemy's skin.

The Kusa nin flipped onto her hands, lashing out with a lightning fast split-kick that caught both Naruto and Akane in the abdomen, knocking them aside. Performing a deft series of backflips, even vertical ones once she reached the trunk of a massive tree, she lit on a branch and rolled up her left sleeve. She took some of the blood from the wound on her calf and spread it on the tattoo of Kanji which appeared on her forearm. The symbols seemed to glow, and suddenly a massive python appeared before her. The creature had to be at least seventy feet long, and it looked quite hungry, and its sights seemed to be set on Naruto and Akane. The serpent slithered forward with murderous intent.

Before either side could react, Shigeru had bolted past his teammates, headed straight for the giant-ass snake. He launched himself into the air, a roundhouse kick and haymaker both at the ready. The snake seemed to almost take offense at this gesture, snapping its jaws and swallowing Shigeru. The Grass nin was about to laugh, but then her snake curled up and shuddered in pain. A stone-coated fist exploded from the serpent's head, and Shigeru pulled himself free. He was drenched in blood and brain matter, and flipped the bird to the black-haired woman. "Don't you dare toy with us, lady!" He began to cycle through the hand signs for the Titan Armor once again, and this time the earth solidified atop the existing armor, forming wicked spikes and hooks.

The woman scowled, a deep growl rising in her throat. These were mere children! How were they dealing with techniques that could stop ANBU in their tracks? She felt something in the air around her, and her instincts told her to get out of there. Trusting her gut, she leapt aside and looked back to see the gigantic tree on which she had stood, only now it was in pieces. She felt the same sensations once again, but it's hard to dodge in the air. The Grass nin managed to shoot out her tongue and latch onto a branch, pulling herself out of there. However, as she moved, her right foot had a good deal of skin shaved off. The woman clutched her bleeding foot, screaming with indignation. What WERE these children!?

Akane rummaged through her pack, looking for something specific. She was not searching for weapons; she was fumbling through the spices she'd brought. Sure enough, she found it: the container of salt! Tearing off a portion of one of her bandages and affixing it to the shaker, she launched it at the Kusa nin. The woman knocked it aside, but then it exploded. The salt flew into her eyes and blinded her, and it flew into the wounds on her calf and foot, causing her to double over in pain.

Moving as one, Team Three leapt up through the trees, ready to deliver the killing stroke. Shigeru drove his bladed fists into the woman's gut, Naruto made shadow clones and pummeled the enemy genin, and Dasha sank his chakra threads deep into her flesh.

Finally, they all moved aside as Akane unrolled one of her massive scrolls. Making the Kai hand sign, the brunette unsealed the contents of the scroll.

Hundreds of kunai flew from the scroll, most of them striking the enemy nin and the tree on which she stood. As soon as one of those kunai struck something, the bandage wrapped around it would explode.

———

Anko Mitarashi stood at the graveyard, staring at the four faceless bodies lying above the dirt. They were freshly dead, and all four of them were from Grass Country…wait, that meant that the Kusa team they'd admitted into the Forest of Death were impostors! But, what would they need the faces for?

Her breath came out as a whisper. "…Oh, no. Not him…"

She snapped her head around as a constant stream of explosions echoed from training ground 42. A pillar of smoke began to rise. Anko turned to the ANBU accompanying her. "Alert all ANBU, active or on vacation! We have a threat in Konoha, above S-rank!" She reached over and removed the communicator from the ear of one of the agents. "Track me, and converge on my position. I'll lead you straight to that bastard!"

———

The scroll finally fell limp as the last kunai issued forth. Team Three stood ready for combat, waiting to see what, if anything, was left of their opponent. A pale hand, even paler than the Kusa nin's, parted the smoke. In place of the young woman stood a sinister man with skin as pale as Liquid Paper. His golden eyes regarded them with unknowable malice. "…I'd planned on using that costume for much longer. Now I have to go find another one."

Dasha clenched his fist. "You're…Orochimaru, aren't you?" The evil man chuckled. "So, you recognize me, do you? That's good. I was worried they'd stop teaching students about the greatest nin Konoha has ever produced." Dasha spat. "The only thing about you that's the greatest is your massive ego, asshole!"

Orochimaru frowned. "Know your place, child. You are to respect your betters!"

The redhead closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. "Guys, get out of here. I'll hold him off for as long as I can." All three of his teammates did a double take. "WHAT!?" Dasha growled. "If you stay, he'll kill us all. If you run, maybe you can get help before he comes after you!"

Naruto scoffed. "Dasha, I thought you were smart! How can you be so damned stupid!? Even if he does kill us, we stand a better chance together! And besides, we never leave our teammates behind! Nagisa Mission Rule #2!"

Orochimaru faked a sweet smile. "Aww, isn't that just touching? Touches me down the throat…" He drew a kunai. "So, what will it be? Die alone, or together?"

Naruto leapt to the front. "I've got your answer, right here!" He began cycling through hand signs. Orochimaru recognized them as the Grand Fireball, so he began to move. Strong as he was, getting hit by that would still hurt.

_Horse!_

The snake nin leapt off of his branch, grabbing another and swinging across it like it were a pommel horse.

_Tiger!_

Orochimaru doubled back, zigzagging toward the blonde.

_Crane!_

The snake nin raised an eyebrow. "…Crane?"

_Naruto Uzumaki Fire Technique: God Fireball!_

The sphere rose above even the tallest trees in the Forest of Death, over one hundred feet in diameter. Orochimaru reared back, trying to dodge. At the last minute, he released a Grand Fireball of his own, but the blonde's miniature sun devoured the flames, adding to its fuel.

The flames abated, showing the charred form of Orochimaru lying in the center of an ashen crater. To the amazement of Team Three, the snake nin actually staggered to his feet. "Wha…what was that?"

Naruto grinned in reply. "If I answered, that'd ruin the surprise, don't ya think?"

The snake growled. "This is not over, genin. Next time, I'll not be pulling any punches. I will kill you in seconds next time."

Dasha swirled chakra around his right hand. "Care to wager on that, ugly?"

Naruto seemed to nod to himself. "Oh, and by the way…" A fist suddenly sank deep into Orochimaru's gut, and the snake nin doubled over. The Naruto who had been standing with his teammates vanished, and the real Naruto appeared before Orochimaru. The blonde reached down his enemy's throat, pulling out the scroll. He tossed the scroll into the air as the serpent came at him with a kunai. The combat blade bit into his neck and severed his spine, and Naruto collapsed to the ground before exploding in smoke. Yet another Naruto ricocheted through the trees, grabbing the Earth scroll and landing between his teammates. "Well, we got both scrolls, don't we?"

Shigeru laughed. "Yeah, we do. But don't feel bad, Orochimaru. We've got a consolation prize for you!" He pulled the scroll out of his crotch and tossed it at the snake's feet. "Enjoy!" Dasha burst out laughing. "Oh, that's priceless! Now let's get our asses moving before he catches his breath!"

—SCENEBREAK—

Sasuke, Sakura and Douza rested beneath a titanic tree, camping within its roots. They all looked around when they heard sadistic laughter. It had the cadence of that deranged Kusa nin, but it was a more male voice. A deathly pale man rose from the ground, his eyes fixed on Sasuke. "We never got to finish our little game, Uchiha. As such, I have the final score." His neck extended and lashed out to bite Sasuke on the collarbone. Orochimaru chuckled. "I'll be seeing you again, Sasuke. Quite soon, at that."

As the serpent vanished, Sasuke dropped to his knees, screaming. Sakura and Douza watched as a seal appeared on his neck…

—SCENEBREAK—

"I don't care how much of the forest you've already searched! I want you to scour the whole thing, from the tops of the trees to beneath the goddamned dirt!" Anko nearly smashed her communicator against a rock. "Orochimaru is here, I know it!"

"How right you are, Anko," hissed the aforementioned sage. Anko turned to face him, her visage a mask of pure hatred. "Speak of the devil…" Orochimaru grabbed her by the throat, and turned her head so that her communicator was by his mouth. "Now hear this, Konoha: do not halt the Chuunin Exams. If you do, my wrath will be so great that I will level Konoha. I will not leave a single child alive. Do you understand me? If you live your precious Hidden Village, you will NOT stop the Chuunin Exams."

As Anko stared at him, she became aware that Orochimaru was wounded. "…Wait, who fought you before this? Who clobbered you?" When he did not reply, Anko burst out laughing. "Oh, oh this is rich! You got pummeled by GENIN!!! Ahahahaha!"

The serpent glowered, but just as he was about to kill his former pupil, sixty ANBU agents appeared, surrounding him. "Heh, as always, you're too weak to stop me yourselves, so you gather in little colonies, just like termites…" His body disintegrated into mud, the mouth still moving. "I warn you again: do not cease the Chuunin Exams, or Konoha will burn."


	12. Elimination Tournament

**Chapter 12:**

**Elimination Tournament (Or: Can't Touch This)**

Dasha, Naruto, Akane and Shigeru laughed like idiots all the way to the central tower. They'd taken on one of the legendary Sannin, and not only had they lived to tell the tale, they'd effectively pounded his ass into the ground!

The rest of the Konoha teams, however, had not fared so well. Team Seven had an unconscious Sasuke, and Douza and Sakura nearly joined him as the Sound team attacked. Even with the help of Rock Lee from Team Nine, and the entirety of Team Ten, the Sound team continued its destruction unmolested. It wasn't until Sasuke's little present from the pedophilic snake activated that Dosu, Zaku and Kin were forced to leave. Team Seven later obtained a second scroll from a group of pitiful Rain ninja who specialized in genjutsu. Whose brilliant idea was it to put three genjutsu-focused genin on the same team, anyway?

Team Ten, who hadn't even gotten a "thank you for coming to the rescue and helping to save our asses" from Sasuke and company, hadn't fared much better. With Ino as the ad hoc leader, their strategies revolved around attempts to seduce boys like Neji. As such, these strategies ended in total failure. It wasn't until Shikamaru got bored and invented a complex trap that they managed to capture a team who had obtained both scrolls, thereby instantly securing their passage into the tower.

Team Eight, being a highly specialized reconnaissance team consisting of two scouts/anti-chakra soldiers and one scout/heavy combat specialist, fared considerably better. Kiba would leap at an enemy team's big, tough guy, while Hinata and Shino would rip through the jutsu experts.

Even before Lee's disastrous attempt at a chivalric rescue, Team Nine had already acquired their second scroll. They arrived at the tower shortly after Lee had recovered from the beating given him by Dosu and Zaku.

—TEAM THREE—

Shigeru was all too happy to break the seal on one of the tower's doors, ushering his team inside. Dasha raised an eyebrow. "…It's a rectangle." He began hopping around the tiny room, looking high and low for something more. "Wait a second, we fought through foot-eating plants, leeches, centipedes the size of public transportation, moronic genin, and a pissed-off emo snake-thing, and all we get is this TINY-ASS ROOM!?"

Akane pinged him in the back of the head. "Quiet, spazz." She looked at the far wall. "Well, it does have that jumbled poem that's supposed to pass for the Chuunin's Credo." Shigeru followed her gaze. "Oh, yeah. That's that mess about heaven and earth being opened together, or some crap like that, right?"

Dasha snorted. "Yeah. Next thing you know, they'll be writing about what stands on four pillars, then two, then three. Gimme a break! Heaven and earth in the poem, and heaven and earth scrolls?" He looked at the scrolls in Akane's hands. "Did they hire a three-year-old to orchestrate this?"

Naruto rolled his eyes. "Just open the damn scrolls! I wanna get to the next part, so I can sit down!" Akane shrugged, opening the scrolls and immediately noticing the summoning kanji painted on them. She hurled them away, the scrolls immediately magnetizing to one another to form a clean X shape. With the customary Fire Country puff of smoke, Iruka Umino appeared. "How're you guys doing?"

Dasha just stared at him. "This room is a rectangle." Shigeru shook his head in defeat. He'd officially given up on trying to force Dasha to make sense. "No offense, but what are you doing here, Iruka?"

The scarred man smiled. "Well, each genin team was assigned a teacher independent of them to explain the next stage, and I got lucky enough to talk with my favorite pupil." Dasha batted his eyelashes. "Oh, Iruka! You're too kind!" Akane promptly stepped on his foot. "Cram it, fool! He meant Naruto!"

While Iruka stared at Team Three's antics, Naruto was already long accustomed to his teammates' blatant insanity. He walked up to his old mentor, a wide-toothed grin on his face. "So, Iruka-sensei, what were you sent here to tell us about?"

The dark-skinned man nodded, thankful that Naruto had drawn his attention away from the Japanese Three Stooges. "Well, first, have a look at that tapestry." He pointed to the Chuunin's Credo. Akane waved her hand. "Yeah, yeah, we know, Iruka. Budda, budda, fuff and fo; if earthly power is what you lack, yadda yadda, prepare to attack, heaven and earth opened together, the path of the ninja righteous forever, or some nonsense like that."

Iruka sweatdropped. "Well, you've got it correctly paraphrased, I think. What this tapestry does, in an admittedly roundabout manner, is illustrate what the Hokage and the other judges are looking for in prospective chuunin. Heaven represents the mind; willpower, intelligence, adaptability, and such. Earth is a metaphor for physical strength and durability. The ideal chuunin has a balance of mental acuity and physical prowess." He scratched absently at the scar just below the bridge of his nose. "…Although, I must say that it's kind of a stuffy way of saying such. Another thing that I've noticed is that the other teachers aren't explaining this aspect of the exams: the promotion to chuunin is fully at the discretion of the judges. If everyone in the third stage of the exams shows sufficient potential, they might all be promoted. On the other hand, if everybody's overly specialized or just plain bad, the judges have every right not to promote anyone. Defeating all of your opponents doesn't guarantee you a chuunin rank, but there is a prize for whoever wins the entire tournament."

Shigeru nodded, arms folded across his chest as he leaned in the corner. "We know. Yasuo-sensei covered all this." Iruka seemed genuinely surprised. "Really? I don't mean any offense, but I hadn't expected Yasuo-san to be so conscious of the details." Dasha chuckled. "That's an impression Yasuo-sensei likes to cultivate: the Mad Dog, a frothing, rampaging juggernaut. In actuality, Yasuo-sensei is very skilled and pays attention to even the most minute details."

Iruka smiled nostalgically. "Well, it looks like all of you, even Naruto – or should I say especially Naruto – have grown up. You have a good sensei, and you're all certainly capable ninja."

Naruto shot a questioning look to Akane, who replied with a nod. The blonde turned back to his former sensei. "Iruka-sensei, I have a message I need you to take to the Hokage." Iruka readied himself for some significant news. Naruto didn't become this serious unless he was about to reveal something of practically earth-shaking significance. "We saw Orochimaru in the forest." Iruka was about to question the validity of this claim when Naruto's teammates back up his statement. "We fought him, and managed to knock him down. He was kinda burnt up, but we couldn't stop him. We need you to tell the Hokage, and tell Yasuo-sensei." Akane added to Naruto's declaration. "When we fought him, he was after Sasuke. No matter who attacked him, he kept going after Uchiha. It wasn't until we afforded Team Seven time to escape that Orochimaru focused his attention on us."

Iruka nodded. "Certainly, Naruto. As soon as I open the tower for you, I'll get that message to Yasuo-san and Sarutobi-sama." He made several hand symbols, and the innermost wall of the tiny, rectangular room split apart, revealing the interior of the tower. Iruka performed a Body Flicker technique, heading off to alert Yasuo of the impending danger.

Dasha and Shigeru came up behind their teammates, the former on Naruto's left, the latter on Anake's right. The tall guys pulled their shorter compatriots into a group hug. "Let's not dwell on this," Shigeru murmured. "We'll need to be in top shape for the next stage."

They walked inside, almost immediately coming face-to-face with the Suna team. Gaara grinned maniacally. "Konoha ninja, I had feared that we would not get the opportunity to kill you." Dasha narrowed his eyes at the shorter redhead. "Are you running a fever? Because you seem to be delusional. I think you just said that you wanted the opportunity to kill us. How're you gonna do that when you're dead?" Gaara's grin shifted into a scowl. "Do you know who I am? What I can do to you?" Dasha pretended to think, putting a finger to his chin. "Hmm… You're Gaara of the Desert, jinchuuriki of Sunagakure. You specialize in attack with sand, but if you were to somehow be stripped of your sand, you'd be virtually helpless. No genjustu or ninjutsu to speak of, and barely any taijutsu training." He winked at the preteen. "Now, do you know who **I** am?" Gaara sneered. "You're a dead man. You just don't know it yet."

Dasha straightened up, adopting a sudden refined position. "We are all dead men, Sabaku no Gaara, all of us living on borrowed time. Our lives are so short…" His eyes seemed to bore into the jinchuuriki's soul. "Don't you want to create something in your brief time on this earth? Don't you want to make something new just once in your life, instead of simply breaking everything that has come before you?"

Gaara stared at Dasha for nearly a full minute before finally turning around and walking away.

—TEAM EIGHT—

Hinata, Kiba and Shino staggered into the tower, immediately locating several benches. Each of them claimed a bench, sprawling out on the (admittedly uncomfortable) wood and sighing as their spines sank back into place.

At the sound of footsteps, Hinata briefly activated her Byakugan to see Naruto and his team headed towards them. "Hello, Naruto-kun. It's good to see you made it." Naruto nodded. "Good to see you too, Hinata. Shino." He purposely ignored Kiba, which instantly aggravated the Inuzuka. "Hey, midget! You forgot about me!" Naruto looked at him. "No, I didn't," he replied. Kiba was taken aback by the simplicity of the putdown. The hyperactive blonde had been learning all the right things from all the wrong people. "Heh, that was actually pretty good, Naruto," Kiba smirked. "Maybe you're not a lost cause, after all."

Dasha strode through the conversation, effectively shattering the lines of communication. "C'mon, let's see if we can't find something to eat."

As Team Three walked off, Hinata leaned up ever so slightly to stare at Naruto's butt as he walked away.

—TIMESKIP—

Dasha looked at the massive sculpture of hands in the middle of an unidentified symbol. "Yup, that's one big statue."

Hiruzen Sarutobi looked out at all of the genin who had made it through the second stage of the exams. The news of Orochimaru's attack was indeed disturbing, but the threat against the suspension of the Chuunin Exams was too mysterious not to be followed. If for no other reason, Hiruzen wanted to see what his former pupil was after. _Don't tell me the little psychopath is still nursing his grudge against Itachi Uchiha_, he mentally sighed. _He might have been a prodigy, but Orochimaru is still astoundingly stupid. What could he accomplish by killing Sasuke?_ He raised his head and began to deliver a well-rehearsed speech on what it truly meant to be a chuunin.

Naruto zoned out, thinking of the fight against Orochimaru. Shigeru and Akane were having less-than-wholesome thoughts about one another. Dasha was singing along to "I Told the Witch Doctor" in his mind. _Oo, ee, oo-ah-ah! Ting, tang, walla-walla-bing-bang!_ Shino was conferencing with his bugs regarding the potential competition. Kiba was engaged in a game of janken with his dog, a feat nothing short of impressive considering Akamaru's lack of fingers. Hinata was imagining her first date with Naruto. Sasuke alternated between clutching his curse seal and fantasizing about killing his elder brother. Douza was actually paying attention to the speech, but that's boring, so let's move on. Sakura and Ino were exchanging glares, while Shikamaru was slumped over napping on Chouji, who was munching into a bag of Funyuns. Temari and Kankurou quietly sidled away from their younger brother as they saw his gaze fixed firmly on Team Three. Team Two and the Sound team frequently glanced up at Team Two's "sensei," which was really Orochimaru in a cheap genjutsu. While the Sound team was simply waiting for any commands, Kabuto kept checking for when someone was going to actually look at his sensei and see that it was clearly Orochimaru.

Point being, nobody important was actually listening to the speech. It was all for the best in the end, as Sarutobi himself wasn't listening to his speech. He was only going through the motions because the daimyo had all but begged him to say something eloquent.

"…And that, my friends, it what it truly means to be a chuunin," concluded the Sandaime. "And now, the proctor of the third stage of the Chuunin Exams, Hayate Gekkou." He stepped smoothly back and allowed Hayate to take his former position. Gekkou coughed, looking out at the genin. His eyes landed on Dasha, who winked cruelly in response. Neither had forgotten the defeat handed to Hayate by the rather deranged genin.

"Now, because so many of you made it through the –*cough*– second stage, we are going to be holding a preliminary elimination tournament. The rules are similar to the third stage, but slightly –*cough*– different: no student will fight more than one battle. Our tower's computer will randomize the combatants. The winner of a fight will move on to the third stage of the exam. The loser will be –*cough*– disqualified. Disqualification of a team member will not remove the entire team from the exams, however. If you lose, your teammates may still advance to the third stage." He snapped his fingers dramatically, and a projector screen rolled down from the ceiling. On the opposite side of the room descended an actual projector. Names jumbled across the screen, finally settling on the first two combatants.

**Sasuke Uchiha**

**vs.**

**Dosu Ginta**

The two genin dropped down into the arena, facing one another. Dosu's one exposed eye curved up, betraying a cruel smile. "Let's see how tough you are without that little gift, Uchiha."

Sasuke dropped into a combat stance. "Let the lesson begin, Ginta."

Dosu rushed his opponent, lashing out with that vicious sonic gauntlet. Sasuke managed to dodge, but the ringing in his ears demonstrated that he had not avoided the full brunt of the attack. Dosu spun on the ball of his foot, lashing out with his opposite heel to sweep Sasuke's legs out from under him. The Uchiha planted his hands and flipped back up to a standing position, but the rapid movements continued to wreak havoc on his inner ear, mangling his sense of balance.

Sasuke activated his Sharingan, doing his best to ignore the pain brought upon by the curse seal. Kakashi's keen eyes caught sight of the glowing seal, and he cursed silently. To interrupt the fight with such news would cause a panic, but he couldn't let Sasuke go mad and kill Dosu.

Apparently, Dosu had the same idea, because he looked up at his sensei and suddenly shouted, "WHAT!?" His teacher quickly took the hint, nodding his head solemnly. Ginta hissed. "Fine…" He held up his hand. "I yield, on orders from my sensei…"

The entire room blinked. Hayate stepped forward. "And the winner, by default, is Sasuke Uchiha."

Yasuo rolled his eyes. "Well, that was anticlimactic."

The computer began sifting through the remaining names…

**Hinata Hyuuga**

**vs.**

**Neji Hyuuga**


	13. A Woman Scorned

**Chapter 13:**

**A Woman Scorned (Or: Cover Your Balls, Man!)**

Neji and Hinata Hyuuga climbed down into the arena, staring intently at one another. Although he did not openly display it, Neji was surprised by Hinata's making eye contact. She refused to shy away like she usually did.

Gekkou stood between the two. "Now, you understand the rules, correct? If you –*cough*– yield, are knocked unconscious, or die, you lose. Now, wait until I'm clear, and…" He shuffled away and hopped up onto the balcony to the left of the jutsu statue, coming to rest beside Gai and sidling away from the walking bowl-cut. "Begin!"

Neji regarded his cousin with a blank stare. "You are fated to lose this battle, Hinata. I will be the victor today."

Instead of a demure squeak or other typical response, Hinata growled at him. "Will you just SHUT UP about fate!? Your father died! Get over it! Iruka-sensei lost both his parents, and Naruto never knew his! They seem fine, so why don't you toughen up!? Besides, Hizashi-sama died to protect you, me, the entire family, and even all of Konoha, by preventing the Byakugan from falling into Kumo's hands! And you cheapen his memory by saying he was fated to die!? He was a hero, and you want to say that it wasn't his choice. Way to honor his memory, Neji. Why don't you go piss on his grave next?"

The Hyuuga prodigy was so astounded by Hinata's outburst that he actually took a step back. It took him a moment to regain his composure, but then he resumed his blank stare and monotone voice. "Hinata, this is your last chance to surrender before I am forced to defeat you."

She spat at his feet in response. "Bring it, you fatalist coward."

Neji activated his Byakugan, rushing at his cousin. He struck at her shoulder, waiting for her to parry so that he might have a shot at her lungs. Instead, Hinata grabbed his outstretched arm and pulled him into a suplex, flipping him over her head to smash him into the ground. He spun free and looked at her like she was insane. "What are you doing?" She smiled sweetly in reply. "Well, Neji-chan, it's true that you are a prodigy with the Gentle Fist style, possibly the greatest we've had in generations. I'd have to be stupid to try and fight you with Jyuuken. So instead," she lunged forward, grabbing him by the head and pulling him down as she brought up her knee, drawing copious amounts of blood from his shattered nose, "I'm fighting dirty. But I'm sure you knew that was coming, what with you being so in-touch with fate and all."

The Jyuuken prodigy charged her with a battle cry, aiming for her eyes and head. Hinata leaned back, forcing him to come closer, and then brought her foot straight up between his legs. As Neji doubled over, his cousin grabbed him by the head and kicked his legs out from beneath him, repeatedly introducing his skull to the ground as she pressed her knee into his spine.

Up in the balconies, this turn of events drew mixed reactions. Team Nine was appalled that Neji was losing. Team Eight cheered for Hinata. Teams Seven and Ten didn't much care one way or the other. Team Two and the Sound team exchanged knowing looks. The Sand team was too busy staring across the room at Team Three, which had the most mixed reactions. Dasha was making faces at Gaara, Yasuo was watching to make sure the Suna team didn't try anything, Shigeru was hugging Akane, who was cheering for Hinata. And Naruto? He was too amazed to cheer. He'd never seen Hinata act like this. Sure, the last few times he'd run into her, she hadn't been stuttering, but he hadn't expected her to pull a complete 180.

Neji managed to drive home a blow to a chakra point in Hinata's right arm on the inside of her elbow, eliciting a cry of pain from the violet-haired girl. Hinata's response was to plow her foot into his jaw, thus breaking the grapple and his mandible. The formerly shy girl drew a kunai, holding it underhand. "Do you wish to continue, cousin? If you do, I'll stop fighting to incapacitate and start trying to kill you."

The Hyuuga branch member blinked, and then blinked again. The hardness in her eyes belied nothing. She was not bluffing, nor was her threat anything short of a guarantee. She had effectively neutralized the Jyuuken, widely considered to be the greatest taijutsu style in Konoha, with a simple amalgam of streetfighting and wrestling moves. He stared at the kunai, watching as the light reflected off of the blade when she shifted.

"…I yield."

The statement floored everyone in the room. There, with his hand raised in submission, was Neji Hyuuga, lauded as the greatest prodigy in generations. The person to whom he submitted was Hinata Hyuuga, detracted by her own father as a failure and a weakling. This fight had shown her to be anything but.

"Let this be a reminder to you, Neji," she growled, "fate is not unavoidable."

Hayate pointed his open hand at the violet-haired girl. "The winner: Hinata Hyuuga." The projector and screen descended. "Next matchup!"

The computer began to scroll through names once more.

**Dasha Ame**

**vs.**

**Kabuto Yakushi**

The tall, slim redhead and his silver-haired, bespectacled elder entered the arena. Kabuto waved off Hayate. "We know the rules, Gekkou-sama. Just tell us when to start." Hayate coughed. "Fine, then. Begin!"

Kabuto sprinted toward his opponent, who moved to dodge too late. The older teen swung his fist in a mighty haymaker, only to have it slam into an invisible barrier. In addition to the sound of flesh impacting a solid surface, the sickening crunch of popping ligaments and shattering bones echoed through the room. Kabuto threw back his head to scream in pain, and Dasha planted a boot in his gut. As the shorter man double over, the redhead brought up his right fist in a devastating uppercut. The downward momentum of Kabuto's head, combined with the upswing of Dasha's fist, created a punch of truly legendary magnitude. Kabuto fell back and hit the floor, unconscious before his head touched the ground. Dasha dusted himself off. "Looks like you'll be repeating the exams yet again, dude."

A pair of medic ninja loaded Kabuto onto a stretcher and carried him out. "Well," said Hayate, "the winner, by painful knockout, is Dasha Ame." He pointed at the projector screen. "Next matchup!"

**Shigeru Iwa**

**vs.**

**Rock Lee**

The two melee specialists regarded one another, sizing up the opposition. Lee was small and lithe, relying on speed more than pure strength to overcome his opponents. The momentum he placed behind his attacks added to the devastating force he could apply.

Shigeru, on the other hand, was tall and broad-shouldered, packed with stone-hard muscle. He wasn't the fastest nin out there, but his raw strength more than made up for it. With his family's bloodline trait, Shigeru had a marked advantage over his chakra-impaired foe.

"Ready?" asked Hayate. "Begin!"

Lee immediately lunged at Shigeru, aiming at his neck for a quick end to the match. Shigeru caught Lee's punch, pulling the green-clad nin close for a crushing grapple. Lee planted a knee in Shigeru's solar plexus and managed to break free from the larger genin's grip. Shigeru struck out with a sidelong kick, catching Lee in the hip and sending him spiraling to the ground.

Gai, seeing the danger, called down to his pupil. "Lee! You have my permission to remove the weights!" Thing 2, as Haku had dubbed him, doffed the obscenely heavy weights from around his ankles and let them drop to the floor, leaving deep craters. "Thank you, Gai-sensei! I can move freely now!"

Lee all but vanished, crashing a roundhouse kick into Shigeru's face. Yasuo looked over to Gai. "Now that's he's free of his weights, Lee's going to start using the Gates, isn't he?" Thing 1 shrugged in response. "It's likely, if he feels he needs to." Yasuo nodded. "Alright then." He turned to his student. "Shigeru! Quit pulling your punches! No holding back!"

The big man nodded decisively. The next time Lee came hurtling at him, Shigeru's arm lashed out like a serpent, grabbing Lee around the waist and slamming him into the ground, leaving a crater deeper than Lee's weights had. A few quick hand signs, and Lee was forced to backflip as the newly exposed dirt rose up into spikes in an attempt to impale the svelte genin. Shigeru cycled through the signs for his family's technique, and Lee watched in amazement as the earthen spears seemed to liquefy and slither up onto Shigeru, thoroughly coating him and taking on a gray color as it compacted over and over again. Feeling snappy, Shigeru actually announced it: "Iwa clan bloodline technique: Titan Armor."

Lee gritted his teeth. _First Gate, open! Second Gate, open!_ The wind seemed to swirl around him, and the green-clad genin launched himself at Shigeru like a living missile. He slammed into the larger nin, and reality itself seemed to bow outward at the force of the blow. Shigeru, however, did not wither under such an assault. He delivered a furious backhand slap to Lee's face, grabbed the smaller genin by the ankle, and slammed him into the nearby wall. Everyone on the balconies felt the impact ripple through them.

Lee kicked Shigeru in the head, again and again. When finally the larger teen's head snapped back, Lee spun repeatedly until he could break free of the deathgrip. Such a term was disturbingly accurate, for Shigeru's grip had been so tight that Lee's ankle was shredded and bloodied just from the friction of escape. _Third Gate, open! Fourth gate, open! Fifth gate, open!_ Lee was now moving so quickly that only the Sharingan or Byakugan could keep up, and Shigeru could do nothing more than defend himself.

The larger genin was thrown into the air, caught, and smashed back down. From there, Lee grabbed Shigeru by the legs, spun him around like in the hammer throw, and released him into a wall. Before his opponent could recover, Lee, his skin now a luminous red, grabbed Shigeru around the waist and began to rain blows on his back and kidneys. As the green-clad genin's fists moved faster than any normal human eye could track, his enemy was pressed deeper and deeper into a Shigeru-shaped crater in the wall.

Minutes passed, and all that could be heard were the sounds of Lee's and Shigeru's heavy breathing, Lee's fists, and the cracking of the walls.

Finally, the noise abated, as a wheezing voice choked out, "I give up."

Lee stood, his hand held into the air. Said hand was utterly drenched in blood, the skin hanging off in ragged clumps. "I cannot continue my onslaught, or I will destroy myself."

Shigeru pried himself out of the wall. "Good thing, too. I was starting to get bored."

Naruto's jaw dropped. "You mean you LET him hit you!?" Shigeru chuckled. "God no. I couldn't do a damn thing to stop him; Lee's just to fast. But while he might have the greatest offense I've seen, I have the best defense." Lee nodded wholeheartedly. "Yes, Shigeru-san! Your Titan Armor is truly an honor to behold!" Shigeru patted him on the back. "It was good fighting with you, Lee." "As it was with you, Shigeru-san," Lee smiled in return, his teeth glinting.

The two medics arrived and took Lee away for treatment. "Well," said Hayate, "the winner by default is Shigeru Iwa." He pointed at the computer. "What's the next matchup?"

The names scrolled across the projector screen, finally settling on two.

**Gaara of the Desert**

**vs.**

**Zaku Kirikaze**


	14. A Paradigm Shift

**Chapter 14:**

**A Paradigm Shift (Or: Mortal Kombat!)**

Zaku appeared suitably nervous when he was called up to deal with Gaara. This was no time for deception; if he didn't use all of his power from the start, he'd be dead before he hit the ground. Slipping his arms from their slings and ignoring the pain that lanced through his nerves, The Sound nin stared at his opponent.

Gaara uncorked the massive gourd on his back, grinning like a madman. _Not LIKE a madman…he IS a madman_, thought Zaku. A column of sand rose from the gourd, surging straight for the teen with the spiky black hair. Zaku pointed his arms at Gaara and fired off both of his wind cannons at once. The air waves sliced through the free sand, pushing it back until a solid yellow-brown shield absorbed the physical blow. Gaara frowned. This prey was proving to be a tad more difficult than he'd expected. His mother did not enjoy lower-class meals with the audacity to fight back.

Zaku leapt to the side and released another dual blast of his wind attack, very nearly reaching his opponent. Although his Slicing Sound Waves technique left deep scars in Gaara's shield, Zaku had yet to deal any real damage to his enemy.

For his part, Gaara merely stood there, still as a statue, as his sand did all the work. Zaku was forced to tapdance around the writhing grains, not willing to waste precious chakra on an attack to push back the sand. He launched another shot at Gaara, with precisely the same results. Finally, Zaku let out a yell of frustration. This was getting him nowhere! Throwing away all caution, he rushed at the smaller redhead, being exceptionally careful to watch his footing. When he came within six feet of the Kazekage's son, that familiar sand shield rose up. Zaku grinned and pressed his hands to the shield, releasing a twin blast of deadly wind blades. The assault burst through Gaara's defenses, biting into his sand armor and sending him spiraling through the air, his body flailing like a ragdoll, until he finally collided throat-first with the wall. Zaku's eye twitched, and then he did a little dance. "Ha! Take that, shorty!"

Gaara stood, touching his shoulder. He felt an unfamiliar sensation, and an odd sticky, wet heat. Bringing his fingers to eye level, Gaara saw a red substance coating them, and let out a terrified scream. "It's…it's my…my…_BLOOD!!!!_" His sand suddenly lashed out in all directions, cutting deep into the walls and floor.

Zaku began taking steps back. "Uh… I think I should be going…" He raised his hand to surrender.

And then it was all over. As Zaku opened his mouth to cede defeat, sand encased him, crushing his body into nothing but a sack of meat. The sand began to tint red as it greedily drank Kirikaze's blood.

Gaara turned and left the tower, seeking out more things to kill. Baki looked to his fellow jounin. "Leave him be. Nothing good will come of trying to reason with him right now."

Gekkou shuddered. "Now that the bloodbath's –*cough*– over with, let's have the next match, shall we?"

**Naruto Uzumaki**

**vs.**

**Shino Aburame**

Naruto looked across the balcony at one of the few people he counted as a friend. "Ready, Shino?" The quiet genin nodded imperceptibly. "Yes, I believe I am." The pair leapt down into the arena, waiting for Hayate to give the signal. As soon as the sickly jounin dropped his hand, the pair rushed one another.

The duel began as a match purely of taijutsu, neither able to gain the advantage. Naruto was faster and had a better knowledge of stealthy riposte techniques, but Shino had a good six inches on Naruto, and his added weight and strength made for a dangerous attacker.

Shino swept Naruto's feet out from beneath him, and the blonde retaliated by grabbing the Aburame's knees and flipping his heels into Shino's face. The bug nin barely managed to deflect the kicks to either side of his head, planting an open-fist strike into Naruto's abdomen. Naruto's lower body flipped down onto the ground, and as he righted himself he managed to lift up Shino, slamming him into a nearby crater left over from Shigeru and Lee's fight. Shino managed to free one of his legs, driving the ball of his foot between Naruto's eyes. The blonde slid back from the force of the blow, involuntarily releasing Shino's other leg. Uzumaki immediately hurled three kunai, intending not to cut Shino but to root him to the wall. One of the kunai found its mark, biting into the black-haired genin's jacket and pinning him to the spot. Shino quickly shed his jacket to reveal his pale upper body clad only in a sleeveless tee. The small kikai beetles crawled in and out of his flesh through his pores. "Shall we continue, Naruto?" The blonde grinned. "You know it! This is fun!"

Shino launched his insects at Naruto, who retaliated with twelve shadow clones. The beetles latched onto Naruto and his clones, quickly draining the copies of chakra.

Naruto growled, staring at Shino. "If we're going to keep fighting, I'll have to stop holding back. You willing to keep at this, even though most of your bugs will probably die?" Shino nodded, a veritable swarm flowing out of his to coat his limbs.

The blonde smirked, drawing up his hands. _Horse! Tiger! Fire style: Grand Fireball technique!_ A massive sphere of flame erupted from Naruto's mouth, forcing Shino to dive for cover. A small trail of kikai bugs snuck up the shorter genin's pant leg, stealthily biting him and devouring his chakra bit by bit. Naruto swung his head around, chasing Shino with the fireball. A thick line of ash now coated the walls as Uzumaki made several full revolutions.

Shino threw several shuriken, aiming for nonlethal but damaging areas of the body. One of them struck true, sinking into the flesh of Naruto's thigh. The blonde's breath faltered, and the fireball dissipated. At that moment, a veritable sea of kikai beetles leapt upon Yasuo's student, coating him in black carapaces. Naruto flopped onto the ground, clawing for freedom. He tried to perform any jutsu he could think of, from replacement to blade clone, but couldn't focus his chakra. The young nin's eyes began to glaze over as he slowly slipped into unconsciousness.

A voice spiked through the darkness of his abating thoughts. "_**I have watched over you for too long to have you lose now, boy,**_" it spat. "_**I have far greater plans for you, and none of them include loss to a wretched genin!**_"

The beetles coating Naruto all exploded as a massive spike of chakra shot through the blonde. Shino actually raised an eyebrow when his opponent staggered to his feet, shedding the scattered corpses. "I warned you they'd die, Shino." _**Now, use what that maniac has! Bend his power to your will!**_ Naruto scratched a kunai across the floor until a spark was stuck, at which point thin ropes of fire rose up to meet Naruto's fingers. He whipped them up, revealing ten flaming threads of chakra. Without another word, the Kyuubi's jinchuuriki threw forth his hands, encasing Shino in ten loops of flame. "No getting your bugs to eat through these, and no getting loose without second-degree burns at least," Naruto smirked. "What's your move, Shino?"

The Aburame thought for a moment, before biting his thumb and cycling through hand signs. He slammed his bloodied hand against the floor, and in a column of smoke arose a titanic praying mantis. Naruto grinned. "Nice move, man." He pulled back the burning threads from Shino, lashing them at the mantis. The creature slashed wildly at Naruto, aiming for his vital areas.

The blonde wrapped his chakra threads around the beast's joints, pulling them tight. The thing screeched in agony, but did not give in. Instead, it bum-rushed Naruto, biting like, well, like a feral beast. It tore a chunk out of his shoulder, and slid its claws around his back, lifting Naruto's head to its jaws. The blonde pulled taut the chakra threads, slicing the beast into pieces. Through the cloud of gore flew Shino, driving a knee into Naruto's chin, driving the shorter genin headfirst into the wall. The Aburame hauled back and began to hammer his fists into Naruto's skull, pounding his head against the wall again and again.

_**Well, it seems that our opponent was no mere genin,**_ thought the voice before Naruto slid into unconsciousness.

Yasuo stared at the scene below him. "Well…damn."

Hayate helped the medics clean up the bug bodies. "The winner: Shino Aburame." He pointed at the screen. "Next match!"

**Ino Yamanaka**

**vs.**

**Kiba Inuzuka**

"You're going down, dog-boy!" The platinum blonde girl practically oozed confidence; whether or not it was warranted would soon be revealed. Kiba simply growled at her in reply.

**A/N:** I've received several interesting critiques of my work. Legendary Chikyuu-Jin, the reason that Hinata could overcome Neji with those techniques is not that he didn't see it coming, but that he was expecting something else. Think of it this way: they've sparred ever since they were little kids, and every time it was Jyuuken against Jyuuken. Suddenly, she throws him a curveball and hits him with something different. It completely threw off his cadence, catching him off-guard. And that visceral reaction of surprise was all she needed to gain an edge over her cousin. His arrogance and overconfidence only helped her tactics. Also, in my version of canon, Hinata is actually quite talented with Jyuuken, knowing its strengths and weaknesses. The only reason she fails to earn her family's approval is that her compassion keeps her from hurting her family members. At least, it DID, until she realized how much she was getting screwed over. This familiarity with the Gentle Fist style allows Hinata to maneuver around Neji's strikes as she did in the previous chapter. Even though Neji is better than her, she is still competent enough to know how to dodge or to force him to overextend a strike.

As for Naruto against Neji, remember that one of the reasons Naruto had such a hard time is that he really had no taijutsu training, other than the basic academy style. His teachers all hated him except for Iruka, and they all shunned him. If Naruto had the training he has here, the fight against Neji might have gone more smoothly. After all, during the Chuunin Exams in canon, Naruto's concept of taiutsu was simply punching and kicking until the other guy went down.

Basically, from here on out, we will be slowly deviating from canon more and more. The invasion of Konoha will have quite a different outcome with Yasuo and Team Three in the lists.

And, for anybody waiting to flame me for having Naruto lose, just wait, guys. I'm not gonna let you down after this long.


	15. Bone Breakers

**Chapter 15:**

**Bone Breakers (Or: Ouch)**

Hayate stood between the Konoha genin. "I'm sure you both know the rules by now, right?" Ino replied in the affirmative, while Kiba just grunted, nodding his head. "Very well, then, begin!"

Kiba immediately launched himself at Ino, who barely slunk out between his extended limbs. _Wow, I'd never thought that being so thin for Sasuke-kun would have other benefits_, she thought as her slim body contorted away from Kiba's deadly grip. Ino knew that, should Kiba get his arms around her, she'd be done for. Not only was he massively strong, but his sharp fingernails and teeth all but guaranteed heinous blood loss for the girl if he managed to grapple her. Ino spun to face Kiba, loosing several kunai at him. The blades bit into his jacket as they passed him, drawing blood. The Inuzuka released a low, rumbling growl as the red liquid splashed on the ground.

Kiba came bolting at her, running on all fours at an even faster clip than he had on two legs. Ino cartwheeled to the side, and was amazed to watch Kiba almost literally turn on a dime, spinning around with such control that she couldn't help but be amazed. Unfortunately, this moment of wonder allowed Kiba to bear down upon her. The blonde yelped, rolling onto her back and planting her feet in his gut, throwing him off. As the boy flew off of her, he clawed at her legs, carving long trenches of ragged, bloody skin. The life-giving substance oozed down her legs, making her skin feel very sticky. Ino pushed the pain to the back of her mind, standing for the next assault. If she didn't find a way to go on the offensive soon, she'd be done for.

Without giving his opponent even a second to catch her breath, Kiba bore down on her once more. Ino stepped to the side, lashing out with a foot. Her sandal did indeed impact his chest, but the boy reached down, grabbing her calf and dragging her with him. The momentum sent them into a joint somersaulting tumble, with Kiba ending up on top. He placed his clawed hands on her shoulders, his sharp fingernails drawing blood as they dug into her delicate skin. Ino whimpered with pain, but then realized that her hands were free. He'd probably grab her arms as soon as she drew a kunai, but perhaps…

Ino began to cycle through her family's bloodline technique as quickly as her body would allow her. _Yamanaka family technique: Mind Possession!_

Ino's id, ego and superego all morphed into chakra, flowing out of her head and into Kiba's. The girl in the boy's body climbed off of her own limp self, raising her hand to cede defeat to herself. However, when she opened her mouth to speak, no words came out, only a growl. Ino tried to shout, and all she could manage was a high-pitched yelp.

Kiba's laughter echoed throughout the arena. He lowered the camouflage sheet behind which he had been hiding, stepping away from the wall. Ino blinked and went to release the jutsu, but Kiba was faster. He made his own release seal, trapping Ino in the body of his dog, Akamaru. Kiba knelt down and placed a kunai to the throat of Ino's body. "And that, little girl, is game."

Gekkou nodded, chuckling as he looked at the little dog. "Yes, the match ends with Kiba as the clear victor. Inuzuka, change Akamaru back into your clone so Ino can return to her body." Kiba groaned, muttering about how he wanted to keep her like that for a while longer. After all, she was quieter. He rolled his eyes and performed the technique once more, granting Ino the hands she required to release the jutsu. The blonde stood up, slapped Kiba, and swaggered off.

Hayate shrugged. "Alright then, let's find out who's going to be in the next match."

**Akane Hozuka**

**vs.**

**Temari of the Desert**

(**A/N:** I highly recommend playing _Subtle Hustle_ by Clutch while you read this fight)

The two young women stared at one another. They were the same age, same height; this was going to come down entirely to technique.

As soon as Hayate gave the word, the two commenced. Temari opened her fan slightly. "This is the First Moon. When all three moons are exposed, this fight will be over." Akane smirked. "Really, now?"

Temari had been prepared for every other kunoichi's offensive technique: stay away, and throw stuff. Akane, however, was not every other kunoichi. She bolted straight at Temari. The Kazekage's daughter didn't bother concealing her surprise; she closed the fan and swung the heavy, metal-plated thing at her opponent. Akane dropped into a baseball slide, careening between Temari's legs and lashing up with a bandage, releasing an explosion into Temari's back and sending the blonde girl hurtling toward the center of the arena, landing on her chest and face.

Temari spun her legs, working like a windmill to stand back up. She opened her fan again. "Second Moon." Temari drew a handful of shuriken, hurling them at her foe. Akane simply pirouetted aside, somehow anticipating where the shuriken would fly. "Is this all you're good for, Sabaku no Temari?" She sidled forward, forcing Temari to step back. "I have to say, I'm…" Akane leapt through the air, grabbing Temari's fan and bringing the blonde's face to her own. "Disappointed." Temari sank down, sweeping a leg through Akane's own, continuing her revolutions to deliver a whip kick to the brunette's abdomen, the heel of her sandal digging into Akane's ribs.

Yasuo's student rolled onto her hands, slapping the ground and pushing herself back into a standing position, from whence she delivered a back kick. Temari caught the blow on her fan, but was still pushed several inches. _What is this woman!? How can she be so damned strong?_

Akane spun, three bandages extending from her hand and spiraling in a triple helix toward Temari's face. The Suna nin dropped into a full splits to avoid the glowing tips of those bandages, snapping back her head to watch as they exploded against the wall, carving a crater. Temari flexed her thighs, pushing herself smoothly back to a standing position. She clicked her fan open. "Third Moon!" The blonde fully opened the fan, and as she closed it, she vanished.

Akane looked over her shoulder to see Temari gliding along on her fan. Her response to this? She dashed to meet the fan, leapt up, and grabbed the lip of the paper. She flipped up to deliver a kick to Temari's face, but the blonde was faster and kicked Akane in her exposed lower back, sending her back beneath the fan. Akane flipped, sticking her feet to the fan with copious amounts of chakra, and rose up from the back of the fan, tackling Temari off of her improvised glider. The two kunoichi collided against the tiled floor, Akane's knee in Temari's back. The blonde snapped back with her right elbow, catching the Konoha nin in the ribs, in exactly the same place she'd kicked earlier. Akane yelped, her grip loosening for a moment. Temari threw the brunette off of her, drawing a kunai. Akane placed a kunai in her off hand, staring down her opponent.

Baki's student was the first to act, lashing out at Akane's vital areas. The brunette kept her at bay with her bandages, but Temari finally scored a slash across her foe's chest. Up in the balcony, Kiba cheered. "This is the best catfight ever! Look at that! She just lost her top!" Before he could say another word, Yasuo had appeared before him, grabbing the Inuzuka around the neck. "Speak of my student like a sexual object once more, and they'll never find the body." Kiba swallowed and nodded slowly, already broken out in a frigid sweat.

Akane growled, her remaining bandages all unraveling and dancing around her like the deadliest snakes in the world. Temari regarded her opponent, swallowing heavily. Her eyes flicked to her fan, and she made a mad dash for the weapon. Unfortunately for her, Akane's bandages were faster. The explosions threw aside the fan, putting it well out of Temari's reach. The blonde replied by throwing her kunai at Akane. At the last moment, though, it spun through the air and created copies. As the first one scratched her, Akane realized that these must be sand-cloned kunai, courtesy of Gaara's gourd.

One of the kunai slipped clean past Akane's defenses, planting itself in her throat. The blood flowed wildly, and the brunette staggered. Hayate was about to call the match, when Akane lunged at Temari. Her bandages all exploded against the myriad weapons the blonde fielded in attempt to defend herself, leaving both girls with not a single blade or explosive in sight. Akane grabbed Temari around the throat and held up her right hand, grinning maniacally as each of her fingertips glowed. Temari's eyes widened, and she screamed in agony as Akane drove her hand against the blonde's chest. The explosion shattered Temari's sternum, and the girl slid from Akane's grip. Both lay, gasping for breath, as their lives escaped them. Finally, the two girls slipped into unconsciousness.

The medic nin came running out, immediately bandaging the girls. Hayate looked at the mess down in the arena. "This will take a while. While the ladies are treated and the arena cleaned, I will conference with my technicians regarding the winner. As far as I can see, the only way to win in this fight was to conk out after your opponent."

Team Three, Kankurou and Baki stared at the situation with great concern, while Gaara, finally returned from his rampant slaughter of various soft and fuzzy critters, merely glanced at his sister and her grievous wounds before taking a seat on a nearby crate.

Finally, as the medics carried the two girls off to receive full treatment, Hayate reappeared. "After reviewing the video of this match, and a multitude of slow-motion replays, we have concluded that Akane Hozuka has just barely beaten Temari of the Desert. Quite literally, there was less than one-tenth of s second's difference between the two."

Shigeru and Dasha leapt into the air, hugging one another, as Yasuo smiled. Naruto would have cheered as well, had he not been unconscious in a bed deeper within the tower. Baki, Kankurou and even Gaara were all seething. This was NOT part of the plan.

Gekkou waved his hand to end the cheering. "Now then, let's see the next match's combatants."

The computer scrolled through the names, although there were considerably fewer names than before.

**Sakura Haruno**

**vs.**

**Kin Tsuki**

The last member of the Sound team grinned. "Easy out!" Sakura regarded her with a fierce glare. "This time you don't have your little pals to help you out, Kin. Still think you can beat me?"

**A/N:** So, how was the Akane/Temari fight? For the longest time, I'd debated over who Akane should fight. I had originally intended for Akane to go up against somebody tough, but then I realized, I didn't want her to lose! Naruto's loss has a bit more significance to the story, so I couldn't have him win if I'm to continue advancing the plot in the direction upon which it's been set, but I decided I wanted Akane to win. She's just too good to have her lose.


	16. Endgame

**Chapter 16:**

**Endgame**

Sakura stood, facing her opponent. "Let's get this started." Kin grinned. "I'd be happy to!" She hurled several senbon at the pink-haired genin. Sakura rolled aside of the jingling ones, but the senbon without bells bit into her flesh. The Konoha nin stood, looking at the needles lodged in the wall behind her. "So, that's your game, huh? You distract me with the bells, so I forget to dodge the others. Good to know. If that's all you can do, then this will be easy."

Kin was smiling like the cat that plopped a hairball in her owner's shoe. "Oh, please, Haruno. Didn't you pay any attention to the theme going on here? We're from the _Sound_ village, Dosu uses _sound_ waves, Zaku used _air_ waves, and you think that I just throw senbon?" She held up her hand, revealing the thin wires wrapped around her fingers. Pulling the wires taut, she was rewarded with Sakura's joints locking up. The green-eyed girl gasped, barely managing to speak through her involuntarily gritted teeth. "Wh…what is this?" Kin cooed patronizingly. "So, you're starting to figure it out. Let me help you: those bells are special; when chakra is channeled into them, I can create short-distance vibrations that interfere with the nervous system. Your muscles are locked in place until I decide to let you go." Kin trotted around to stand behind her paralyzed opponent. "Being from the Sound village, I've been trained to resist such effects. Otherwise, if I got caught in my own field, I'd be screwed." The black-haired girl in the cowmouflage drew a kunai. "Let's finish this, shall we? I'm already bored." She drew back the blade, aiming directly for Sakura's spine.

As Kin brought down the throwing knife, a shuriken knocked the weapon from her hand. From up in the balcony, the thrower, Kakashi Hatake, frowned. "My student yields. This fight is over." Sakura did her best to nod. "Yeah! I yield!" Kin shook her head, shoving Sakura's frozen form to the ground before releasing her. "That was pathetic…"

Kin wandered up to her sensei and her one remaining teammate, and Orochimaru escorted them from the arena. "We have other business to which we must attend," he said in his disturbingly smooth voice.

————

Outside the arena, he directed his students toward the tower's basement complex. "I have a new task for you, but we'll need privacy." He shoved open a locked door, leading the pair deeper and deeper into the darkness. Finally satisfied, he stopped. "I require your aid for a little project of mine, one that will exterminate the Hokage and bring Konoha to its knees." Kin and Dosu had stars in their eyes, and Dosu asked what the project was." Orochimaru's reply was to grab each by the neck. "You've served me well in life; you will serve me even better in death." He clenched his fists.

———

**Douza Foi**

**vs.**

**Yoroi Akadou**

The two opponents sized up one another. Douza was like a smaller version of Shigeru, lacking his presumed counterpart's exceptional talent. Yoroi wore a veil-style mask, and appeared to be wearing twin jeweler's eyepieces, or something weird like that. Douza cracked his knuckles. "Bring it, punk."

The older teen chuckled. "You'll regret that, boy." He dashed forward, catching Douza in the gut with a palm strike. Douza felt his chakra shift, but through nothing of it. His response was a slug to the jaw that sent Yoroi staggering, his world temporarily tinted green and violet as the blow jarred his brain. Refusing to let up now that he'd gained the advantage, Douza stepped into his opponent, slamming his shoulder into the purple-clad genin's chest and driving his heel into his elder's kneecap.

Yoroi snaked out his hand, clutching at Douza's arm, and the younger nin felt that pulling sensation again. "Wait, Akadou… Vampire!? You're stealing my chakra!?" He shoved the older nin away from him. Yoroi chuckled. "So you're actually perceptive, Foi. Yes, I'm stealing your chakra. Every time my hands so much as touch you, I'll take a little more of your chakra!"

Douza snickered cruelly. "Then I'll just have to remedy that…" He tackled Yoroi, throwing him up against the wall. Grabbing the teen's right arm, he straightened it out while pulling it down as he brought up his right knee. Douza's knee and thigh impacted Yoroi's elbow, pulverizing the joint. The older nin screamed in wretched agony as Douza shifted to his left arm, twisting it until the radius and ulna shattered and stuck out through his flesh. Douza stepped back for a moment to admire his work before he slammed his shin into Yoroi's left side in a vicious roundhouse kick, sending the teen sprawling. Douza dropped down onto his knees, holding a kunai to his opponent's neck. "This fight's over, Gekkou-sama."

Hayate nodded. "You're right. Yoroi Akadou has been –*cough*– incapacitated, so Douza Foi is the winner." At this point, Hayate was getting bored, more going through the motions than anything. You can only watch kids beat one another to a pulp for so long before it becomes commonplace. "Next match," he droned.

Even the computer seemed fed up, spending what felt like far less time cycling through names than before.

**Tenten Komaro**

**vs.**

**Chouji Akimichi**

Chouji wasted no time in getting straight to the action, expanding his body into a fleshy boulder and hurtling at Tenten. The last member of Team Gai backflipped and spun across the arena to stay out of Chouji's path, taking advantage of the "chubby" preteen's lack of maneuverability in this form. All the while she hurled weapons at him. Unfortunately, her aim seemed to be severely off, as the weapons either stuck in the ground or hit Chouji's round body in such a manner that they clattered harmlessly to the floor. Tenten stood directly in front of a wall, waiting for her lummox of an opponent to come barreling at her. She leapt aside, revealing a trip wire and several explosive tags. Chouji, unable to turn or stop in time, smashed into the wall and was caught in a devastating blast. This same blast, however, catapulted him away from the wall, hurtling through the air. Tenten watched his angle of flight, and smiled to herself. That extra course in geometry and angles had just paid for itself.

The large, round boulder of a boy smashed into a field of razor-sharp weapons, coating the floor in blood. Chouji deflated and collapsed, bleeding heavily.

Tenten was declared the winner, redeeming Team Nine in the process. Neji was still nursing his grudge against his cousin, while Lee nursed his broken knuckles.

**Shikamaru Nara**

**vs.**

**Misumi Tsurugu**

Shimakaru regarded his foe with a lazy stare, as he did most things. "Can we get this over with? I was in the middle of a nap." Misumi laughed outright. "Can we just call this match finished now? I think Shikamaru here's about to fall asleep again." The younger genin shook his head. "You know, I don't think you're in any position to be bragging. Both of your teammates were not only beaten, but brutalized. Akadou probably won't be able to use his arms for at least a month, and Yakushi likely will not even wake up until tomorrow." He smirked. "I think your sensei needs to have his teaching license revoked, if this is the best he can do. How did you three even make it this far?" Misumi's eye twitched. "Don't you dare insult my sensei!"

Hayate Gekkou barely had the time to say 'begin' before Tsurugu launched himself at the Nara youth. Shikamaru expertly timed his dodges to expend the least energy possible, sliding around Misumi's strikes. He had to admit, though, that Misumi's style was much more oriented toward finesse than Kabuto's or Yoroi's. Perhaps this guy was indeed in a different league. And that's when Misumi threw out a blow which caught his enemy completely off-guard: his bones seemed to liquefy, and his punch slithered between Shikamaru's bowed arms to crash against the preteen's ribcage. The ponytailed young man slid back several inches, coughing as he struggled to regain his wind. "What…was…that?" Misumi laughed. "Oh, did I forget to mention that I can dislocate my joints and cause my bones to become malleable? I'm the human equivalent of a cobra!"

Shikamaru simply clucked his tongue, launching a hailstorm of kunai at Tsurugu. Misumi contorted his body, easily dodging each blade. The Nara pulled taut the invisible wires, tugging them to ensnare his foe like a fish in a net. Misumi barely caught the glint of the steel wire out of the corner of his eye, immediately slithering backward to get away from Shikamaru's trap. This, of course, caused the lazy young man to grin. In escaping a trap, Misumi had inadvertently stumbled into the real trap.

The purple-clad genin suddenly found his limbs responding to a will other than his own. His eyes drifted down to the shadow extending from Shikamaru to himself. "This is my family's technique, Shadow Possession. You should feel honored to see it, Tsurugu." Misumi raised an eyebrow. "So, what now?" Shikamaru nodded, causing Misumi to do the same. "Well, now you do anything I do. However, I can't do anything that would cause you direct harm; for example, I can't turn around and walk until you're flush with the wall and then start swinging my head forward and force you to do the same." The teen was now wearing an expression of utter disbelief. "So, what use is it?" Shikamaru shrugged. "Well, in a group, it allows me to hold the most dangerous opponent in stasis until my teammates can deal with him, at which point I juxtapose him into a vulnerable position and let my allies go to town. In a situation like this, however, it takes a bit more imagination." He drew a shuriken, causing Misumi to do the same. "Watch and learn, Tsurugu." Shikamaru hurled his weapon with as much force as he could muster, watching calmly as his living shadow did the same. The Nara leaned back, feeling the cold steel brush against his forehead as it barely passed over him. Misumi, on the other hand, wasn't so lucky. The shuriken slammed into his hitai-ite, crashing his head against the hard tile wall. The shock to opposite sides of his skull sent Misumi's brain reeling within its confines, smacking on the bone walls and concussing him greatly. The teen slumped to the ground in painful unconsciousness as Shikamaru released his family technique.

Hayate Gekkou coughed as Misumi was carried out of the arena. "And that concludes the preliminary tournament. The genin advancing to the third stage of the exam are Sasuke Uchiha, Hinata Hyuuga, Dasha Ame, Shigeru Iwa, Sabaku no Gaara, Shino Aburame, Kiba Inuzuka, Akane Hozuka, Kin Tsuki, Douza Foi, Tenten Komaro, Shikamaru Nara, and Sabaku no Kankurou. We'll see you all in one month."

Dasha exploded from the balcony. "A MONTH!? We go through all this shit in a week, and now we have to wait a goddamned month?"

Hayate nodded and coughed. "That's about the size of it."

Dasha let out a whining moan and slumped against the wall, as Shigeru patted him on the head.

Yasuo grinned, whispering to his team. "Think of it this way: this gives us another month of training, another month of hanging out with Haku and Zabuza, and another month to figure out what that snake bastard is up to."

**A/N:** I've already shot off an enraged review to an anonymous reviewer who accused me of having a weak Naruto and super OCs, so allow me to elaborate here, now that the visceral rage has passed from me.

First off, to that reviewer, should he still be reading (this applies to any reader who finds himself thinking that Naruto is weak for losing to Shino), remember all the way back in chapter 11, five whole chapters ago? Yes, I'm aware that five is a big number, but try to recall: it was Naruto's God Fireball technique alone that flattened Orochimaru. Even after Akane's barrage of exploding kunai, he was still only bruised. Can you honestly say that a genin who knocks one of the Sannin senseless is weak? Second, the only reason that Naruto lost to Shino is because he didn't want to kill him. If there hadn't been worries about collateral damage (the folks in the balconies) and if Shino hadn't been his friend, Naruto would have simply incinerated him with a God Fireball like he did to Gatou and his mercenaries.

As for my original characters being "super," I'm not going to argue that point on Yasuo. I'd intentionally designed him to be a godkiller, as the case may be. There are just too many inordinately powerful villains defeated through sheer luck for my tastes. Yasuo is the good guys' trump card against this imbalance. Bad guys should be difficult to overcome, that's true. But they shouldn't be unbeatable. The canon fight against Kimimaro is an excellent illustration of my point: he could have killed Lee, Gaara, and probably anybody else sent after him. The only reason he died is that he succumbed to disease in the instant before he murdered Gaara.

This also segues into another one of my peeves about canon Naruto: where the hell are the jounin? The village sends a bunch of genin to take on Orochimaru of the Sannin and his cadre of elite ninja, including Kimimaro, whom Orochimaru described as being "as powerful as the Sandaime Hokage," if my quote is correct. The elite ninja of Konoha could not possibly have been so stupid as to believe that Orochimaru wouldn't try to stop them from retrieving Sasuke, could they?

Another thing that I just have to address about canon is this bizarre tendency of technology to appear once or twice and then disappear for a few dozen episodes. For example, in the "catch the cat" episode, Team Seven is seen with cellular headsets, yet no one calls anybody else on the phone, and they never use this technology to coordinate offense or defense.

Phew, now that I've gotten that out of my system, allow me to continue on my diatribe regarding my characters. They are very strong, and I never intended for them to be anything but. However, they do not reach into the category of "super." Each has his or her vulnerabilities; they're just experienced enough to hide them.

Dasha, for example, has a relatively limited variety of ninjutsu, and his speed at forming hand signs is abysmal. For all his finesse, Dasha's fine motor coordination is wanting. This is why we have not once seen him perform an actual jutsu outside of tutoring Naruto. He relies almost exclusively on his chakra threads, and while these make exceptional weapons and shields, he has the same vulnerabilities as anyone else: the Byakugan could see his threads, rendering the stealth aspect of his offense completely useless. Someone like Yoroi or Shino could drain his chakra, leaving him with only his taijutsu which, while clearly superior to the academy style, is by no means an unbeatable form.

Shigeru places most of his eggs in the hand-to-hand basket. His Titan Armor is indeed an incredible technique, making him quite literally as strong as stone. However, he could be drowned, electrocuted, suffocated, or overcome with genjutsu. Also while his repertoire of ninjutsu is wider, all of his techniques are water- and earth-based, making them rather limited in many environments.

Akane relies on her bandages even more heavily than Dasha does on his chakra threads. While her taijutsu is actually better than Dasha's, she's also not as physically strong as her male teammates. Her agility is superior to what would be expected of a genin her age, and her finesse is the real backbone of her fighting style. Of all my characters, Akane is the one most in-touch with the fact that she is actually human. Dasha and Shigeru like to paint themselves as larger-than-life, and Yasuo actually is larger-than-life, while Akane has always been the realist of the team.

I hope that this incredibly long manifesto of my gripes and complaints, as well as deeper character explanations for those who cannot read between the lines as skillfully as others, has satisfied. And if any of this has come across as snarky or demeaning, I apologize, but I won't deny that I meant it as I was writing it. I hate getting criticisms from people who don't even understand what they're criticizing. In my mind, ignorance and being willfully underinformed are the greatest evils one can perpetrate upon oneself.

Thank you for your time, and goodnight.

—Vherstinae


	17. Hellfire

**Chapter 17:**

**Hellfire (Or: Squatters' Rights)**

Naruto heard a dripping noise in the distance. The air was musty and smelled like mold, much like his old room at the orphanage. As his senses slowly drifted back to him, he discerned a sticky dampness against his back, posterior, and the undersides of his legs. The blonde opened his eyes just in time for a water droplet to splatter directly between his eyes. He blinked, sputtering as he shook his head rapidly. He adjusted his hitai-ite and looked around his surroundings. It was dark, dank, and smelly. In fact, it reminded him a lot of the Konoha sewers, which he'd found to be a convenient hiding place on his birthday, when the villagers would come and try to kill him even more than any other day.

As Naruto stumbled to his feet, still regaining the use of his limbs, he heard a rumbling sound, almost like a massive creature breathing heavily. Since behind him was a dead end, he decided to wander toward the sound.

He walked and walked for what seemed like hours. Slowly, even the ever-optimistic genin began to grow depressed at the sight of the sewers. Just when he would have given up, Naruto stumbled upon a massive atrium. Before him were the bars of an utterly titanic cage; the only thing serving as a lock was a small strip of paper bearing the word "Imprisonment." Naruto wandered closer, and suddenly two gargantuan red, slitted eyes snapped open, radiating light that sheared through the darkness. Each eyeball's diameter was wider than Naruto was tall! Four claws as huge as they were sharp lanced between the bars, stopping just short of impaling the blonde.

"_**Welcome, child, to my domain. I do hope that you are enjoying the confines to which I have been subjected for more than a decade,**_" growled the same voice that had been burning in the back of Naruto's head during the fight against Shino. The genin's eyes went wide. "Y-you're the Kyuubi!" The beast's laughter shook its prison. "_**Yes, I am the mighty Kyuubi no Youko.**_" Its eyes and voice hardened. "_**And I have been confined to this fetid sewer for more than twelve years.**_" Its claws scraped against the cage, carving small trenches which quickly repaired themselves. "_**Although your death means mine as well, at this point, it is looking most appealing…**_" The glow from the Kyuubi's eyes illuminated a massive tongue as it licked its chops.

Naruto's response was to glare at the creature, marching right up to its cage and looking the King of Hell straight in its massive eyes. "So, you're the thing that's been screwing up my life since I was born, huh? Well, asshole, let's get a few things straight: you might not want to be here, but I definitely don't want you here! You've been trapped in here, bored except for the dripping water? I've been abused my entire life because of you! So if anybody should be plotting murder, it should be me planning yours!" He grabbed the bars, actually leaning into the cage. "If you were planning on scaring me, you failed! I could never be scared of something that pisses me off so damn much! You can go back to hell shaved like a poodle for all I care!" Naruto turned his back to the cage, starting to walk away, and flipped the bird at the mightiest demon in existence. "Rot in here until I die; I don't give two shits about you or your problems."

To Naruto's infinite surprise, the beast actually started to laugh in approval. "_**Oh, yes! That was fabulous! I've not had anyone stand up to me like that since the Hachibi made a play for my throne!**_" A rustling sound could be heard from the cage, and then footsteps. Naruto turned around to see a tall, red-eyed man in a jounin outfit standing with his hands on the colossal bars. "_**Consider me…**_impressed."

The blonde raised an eyebrow. "Hey, aren't you supposed to be a big, ornery, ass-ugly fox?" Kyuubi laughed. "Form to me, especially in here, is as malleable as wet clay." It changed again, into a copy of its host. "You see?" the fox asked in a perfect copy of Naruto's voice. It quickly shifted back to its other human appearance, speaking in a smooth basso tone. "Naruto, that outburst has shown me that you do indeed have some potential. How'd you like some training advice from a millennia-old demon?" The preteen blinked. "Uh, that was one heck of a change of heart, Fuzzball." The creature snorted in indignation at the nickname. "I mean, how am I supposed to know this won't turn me into some mindless killing machine?"

The Kyuubi shrugged. "I'm a fickle creature, kid. Even I can't say what will influence me for good or ill. That little speech of yours just happened to rub me the right way. Do you want to undo that? Or," the creature suddenly changed form again, becoming a scantily clad woman of truly improbable proportions, "would you like to REALLY rub me the right way?" The beast winked salaciously before changing back to its apparent standard human form. Naruto squeezed the bridge of his nose. "Okay, so I've got a transgender perv of a fox sealed inside me, three unbalanced teammates, and a sensei who seems to scare everybody, including me to some extent." He stopped, and blinked. If this had been a comic, there would have been a little "*poit*" interjection of onomatopoeia above Naruto's head. "Wait, is it just me, or do I seem to be speaking more like Dasha on a good day? And by that, I mean, why do I sound smarter than usual?"

Kyuubi shrugged, turning up his palms. "Beats me, kid. I've never been sealed inside someone before. Maybe our close proximity is allowing you to absorb more than just my chakra." Naruto looked around, thinking. "So, how long do I have before I wake back up?" The fox shook his head. "No clue. You got knocked out, so I'm guessing that your return to consciousness will be involuntary and sudden." The blonde smirked. "Well then, I'd better get in all the questions I can. First off, why did you attack Konoha in the first place?"

Kyuubi laughed. "That's easy: I was bored!" Naruto sweatdropped. "…Bored?" The red-eyed man nodded, still chortling. "That's right: bored. I'm an invincible demon! Even Shinigami himself couldn't take my soul! Although, maybe that's more because I'd be sent to Hell, but I'm the King of Hell… Eh, I don't give that part much thought. Anyway, point is I'm invincible, and I got bored, and Fire Country's big. I sought out the ninja village for some fun. Unfortunately, I got a bit more than I'd bargained for." The blonde shook his head. "Okay, we've established that you're crazy… Next question: why'd the Yondaime Hokage seal you inside me?" Kyuubi held up his hand. "Two reasons, kid. The first is that, since your chakra coils weren't at all developed, you wouldn't reject my chakra and explode. That's happened before, y'know. Folks try sealing lesser demons within themselves, can't take the power, and POP!" He snickered to himself, twitching his fingers as though tracing a rain of guts. "The other reason is that the Yondaime hoped that you, in particular, would be able to influence me and make me less of a psychopath." The genin quirked an eyebrow. "Why me, specifically?" The fox let out a puff of air. "How the shit should I know? I don't really give a crap about you Pinkies. Whatever the reason, though, I regret to say that it's working, if ever so slowly. I'm already feeling more docile, and I'm finding myself willing to work with my own jailer." Naruto nodded to no one in particular. "So, you're really willing to help me?" The Kyuubi chuckled. "Of course, kiddo. If I'm gonna be stuck inside you, I might as well make you as strong as possible. If you need advice on anything, you can come and see me when you fall asleep. And if you have questions during the day, just think 'em at me, like you're mentally talking to me, and I'll hear you. For cripes' sake, whatever you do, don't talk to me aloud. Folks will avoid you more than an Akimichi with the poots." The boy burst out laughing. He then looked around. "Y'know, if I'm gonna be spending time here, I'd rather have something other than this nasty sewer…" Kyuubi nodded. "Me too, kid. Me too. Hey, I wonder…since it's yourself we're currently standing in, maybe you can work on changing it while we're training."

Naruto opened his mouth to reply, but suddenly felt a tug on his very essence. He tried to speak again but was pulled out of the Kyuubi's sewer. His eyes were assailed by blinding fluorescent light, and his ears were immediately harried by the voices of his friends and teammates. Akane wrapped her younger teammate in a tender hug. "Good to have ya back, buddy." Dasha placed a hand on Naruto's shoulder, giving it a light squeeze. "You did good for such limited combat experience, dude." Shigeru pulled all three of his friends into a bone-crunching group hug, and Yasuo stood beside the bed, wary of the touchy-feely stuff.

Lined up in the room were other Konoha genin; Hinata and Shino stood just behind Yasuo, both with concerned looks on their faces. Hinata's face also contained some other emotion that Naruto couldn't quite place. Lee and Tenten were there as well, as was Shikamaru.

Naruto blinked, utterly confused. "Uh, why's everybody here? Did somebody die?" Yasuo shook his head. "No, but you've been unconscious for four days, and you've been giving off some odd readings on the flicky, shiny things." Akane sighed. "Sensei, you're starting to sound like Dasha…"

The blonde sat up in the hospital bed. "Well, can I go home now?" Akane fidgeted. Naruto looked at his team. "What? What's wrong?" "Well," said Yasuo, "while you were unconscious, the villagers had a field day with your house. They…they burned it down. We managed to save most of your belongings, but the house is nothing but kindling."

"So," Shigeru interjected before Naruto got depressed, "you'll be coming to live with Dasha and me!" Akane shook her head. "Oh, lord. Three boys in one house, and one month of free time… None of you are ever going to train, are you? You're just all gonna play video games for the full thirty-one days." Dasha gave her the thumbs-up. "Damn straight, girly-girl! And you can't match our mannish supremacy!" Shigeru shook his head. "Dude, you've awakened the lion…" Akane leapt at Dasha across the hospital bed, tackling him onto the tile and giving him an atomic noogie. "Who's the girly-girl now, bitch!?"

Naruto looked up into the sky. "Great Kami, what have I done to deserve this?"

Up in heaven, a massive hedgehog shrugged. "No clue; I just felt like abusing somebody. Now, if you'll excuse me…" It wandered off. "Dinsdale? Dinsdale! Dindale…"

———

Within an hour, Naruto was out of the bed, dressed, and discharged. He left the hospital with a veritable entourage of genin trailing him. They met up with none other than Zabuza and Haku in the waiting room. The former member of Kirigakure's Seven Swordsmen was currently engaged in giving the stinkeye to the receptionist.

Haku looked away from her adopted older brother, let out a delighted squeal, and dashed over to trap Naruto in a crushing hug. "We were so worried about you, Naruto!" The blonde hugged her in return and pointed at Zabuza, who was still glaring daggers at the hospital's receptionist. "What's up with Browless?" Haku sighed. "The receptionist said that, since we're still not official residents of Konoha, we couldn't visit you in your room." Naruto walked over to Zabuza, slapping him some skin as he joined the older nin in glaring at the poor frazzled receptionist. Haku poked, prodded and pouted at the two ninja, trying her absolute hardest to get them to move. Finally, Shigeru got fed up and just picked up Zabuza, while Yasuo tucked Naruto under his arm like a football.

As soon as they were outside the hospital, the group was acting like the Chuunin Exams had never happened: Team Three were harassing one another; Lee was bragging about what he'd do next for training; Shikamaru fell asleep on Shino, who didn't much care; Hinata was planning on striking up a conversation with Naruto; Tenten and Haku were engaged in a rousing comparison of thrown weapons and their effectiveness; and Yasuo and Zabuza were comparing war stories from opposite sides of the battles.

Naruto wandered over to his opponent from the preliminaries. "Hey, Shino, I was wondering – and don't think I'm being arrogant – how'd you beat me, anyway?" The Aburame slid his glasses back up the bridge of his nose. "You were obviously too powerful for me to defeat outright, and I could tell that you were holding back for my sake. Call me underhanded, but I decided to exploit that. My kikai beetles weren't even able to drain your chakra; their bodies exploded from overeating. So, I stored the beetles in my pores. As I struck you, they were able to drain your chakra without dying. In essence, each punch I landed drained your chakra. More specifically, though, I focused on your head. My theory was that, if I could pull away enough chakra from your brain, you would succumb to unconsciousness. My hypothesis was proven correct in combat."

Hinata stared at her teammate. "Shino, I think that's the most you've ever said in a single go." The bespectacled genin shrugged, startling Shikamaru, who had begun to drool on Shino's shoulder.

Drawing on her reserves of confidence, especially after blindsiding her cousin and managing to defeat him, Hinata stepped forward. "Naruto-kun, would you like to go get some lunch? Maybe Ichiraku's? My treat." As soon as she said Ichiraku, Naruto was nodding his head in agreement. "Thanks, Hinata!" The violet-haired girl took him by the wrist and led him off toward the ramen stand.

Dasha grinned, clasping his hands in front of his chest. "Oh, our little baby's growing up! Pretty soon he'll be able to wipe himself and everything!" Haku rolled her eyes as she wandered over to him. "You want to get some lunch too, Dasha?" The redhead thought for a moment and then shrugged. "Sure. I could eat." The young woman took him by the hand and together they headed for an upscale restaurant. Shigeru and Akane looked at one another, grinning. "Well, since everybody else seems to be pairing up," Shigeru said before he and Akane started kissing and wandered off.

Yasuo shook his head. "Zabuza, I think my moron is a bad influence on your little sister." The former Mist nin held up a finger in correction. "Nagisa, everything about this ass-backwards town is a bad influence. But I can't help but enjoy it."

—UZUMAKI—

Naruto and Hinata took adjacent seats on the stools in front of Ichiraku's diner. "Teuchi-san, Ayame-neechan, I'm back!" the blonde hollered. Ayame stuck her head out from around the corner. "Hi Naruto! Where've you been?" The genin had already begun to bounce in his seat. "I've been in the Chuunin Exams! I made it through the written test and even through the survival portion, where we had to fight some stupidly strong enemies. I mean, how does somebody even GET that tough?" He sighed. "But I won't be making it to the finals. Shino managed to beat me in the preliminaries for the third stage of the Exams."

Hinata placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. "Naruto-kun, it'll be alright. You did great." He looked over to see her smiling face, and found himself drawn to her pale eyes. Naruto broke out into his trademark grin. "Of course it'll be alright, Hinata! This just means I have to train harder." He looked down at the bar to see that Teuchi had already set down a pork ramen without his favorite customer even needing to ask. As he plucked out select pieces of the soup, Naruto waxed academic. "I'd actually become a little complacent after perfecting my God Fireball technique. I figured that was all I'd need to win. But now I see that I need a lot more. My genjutsu is nonexistent, my ninutsu is sorely limited, and my taijutsu is still a little clunky. There's a lot I need to improve on, but I'm not gonna give up! I'm still gonna be Hokage someday!"

"I'm sure you will, Naruto," said Hinata. And she meant it.

More than an hour passed of the two genin just sitting at the little restaurant, swapping stories of those fiascos otherwise known as D-rank missions, and just making small talk. They would occasionally catch themselves just staring at the other, and would immediately stop. Hinata would stop because she didn't want to start blushing like crazy, while Naruto would look away because he couldn't understand the feelings that he was experiencing.

Finally, the two parted ways and headed back to their respective homes.

—NARUTO—

The blonde had actually needed to find his sensei, as in all the chaos he'd forgotten to ask exactly where Shigeru's house was. Ever since the youngest Iwa had decided to take up the path of the ninja, his family had relocated to be nearer Konoha. The Iwa home was modest yet spacious, with four bedrooms and a large living room stocked with Shigeru and Dasha's video games. Naruto's belongings had already been placed in his assigned room; all he need do was arrange them as he liked.

As soon as the trio entered through the front door, Ruki Iwa was upon them, smothering all three with instant affection. Shigeru's mother had her own idea of introductions, which varied from person to person. In Naruto's case, she introduced herself while hugging him so tightly that she plucked him from the ground and held the blonde's squirming form to her shoulder. "It's so wonderful to meet you, Naruto! I'm Mrs. Iwa, but please call me Ruki! After dinner the boys'll show you to your new room. Oh, it's so nice to have you here!" The overly affectionate woman finally set down her new tenant, allowing Naruto the chance to actually see his friend and teammate's mother. Like her son, Ruki had skin of a deep, rich tan, her radiant autumn-brown hair falling in soft ringlets around her face. Considering her current appearance, it was obvious that Ruki had been a devastating beauty in her twenties. Naruto was particularly interested in why she happened to be wearing what appeared to be a quilted lobster claw on her right hand. Ruki followed the blonde's gaze. "Oh, that's right! I'm still cooking dinner, aren't I?" And with that she was gone, gliding off to maintain the massive pot of pasta which her husband was explicitly forbidden to touch. Daichi was not a gluttonous man, but he was completely inept in the kitchen. He didn't stop at just burning water; he made it explode in a fireball. Daichi was actually proud of that moment, as Shigeru had been there with a video camera and that fateful event had earned them a national record in Fire Country.

Dasha looked around. "Hey, Ruki," he called into the kitchen, "where is Daichi, anyway?" Shigeru's mother giggled. "He's in his office, trying to re-string his guitar." Dasha paled and bolted off. Naruto turned to speak, and Shigeru preempted his question with the appropriate answer. "Dad's trying to learn to play, and Dasha is the only one willing to do anything about it. Since he's not here, I'll be honest: dad doesn't just stink; he sucks so hard that we could market him as the next great vacuum cleaner." Naruto chuckled under his breath, but his laughter was quickly cut short by utter surprise as a shoe came flying down the hall, swiftly followed by Dasha, who was cackling like a madman. Clutched in the redhead's fist was a clump of metal wires. A tall, broad-shouldered man chased after the maniacal genin, a cohesive stream of expletives pouring from his mouth. Shigeru shot out his hand, grabbing the big man by the shoulder. "Dad, meet Naruto, my teammate. Naruto, this is my dad, Daichi Iwa." Naruto extended his hand and found it clasped in a dangerously firm handshake. Daichi's brown eyes shimmered as he grinned at the blonde. "Nice to meet you, Naruto. I'm glad to have you staying with us. Now then, did you see where that little carbuncle got to?" Naruto pointed in the direction in which Dasha had absconded. Daichi nodded. "Thanks, kid."

Ruki called after her husband. "Dinner's in five minutes, dear! Don't get lost again!"

Shigeru clapped his friend on the shoulder. "Welcome home, dude."

—HINATA—

The lavender-haired heiress trotted home with a bounce in her step. She'd enjoyed her meal with Naruto, and hoped to make it a regular occurrence. Her father, of course, had found a reason to be frustrated with her. Apparently she'd been several minutes late for dinner, and some of the food had gotten lukewarm. In Hinata's opinion, B.F.D.!

Dinner at the Hyuuga household was known for being silent and/or dysfunctional, and this night did not disappoint. Things were quiet until Hiashi asked where his daughter had been all day. When Hinata had replied that she'd eaten lunch with Naruto, her father went on a rant about how Naruto was a dangerous demon. Hinata just rolled her eyes. Sure, Naruto was a notorious prankster and often obnoxious, but he was far from a demon.

After that brief argument, a welcome yet uncomfortable silence fell over the dining room. Finally, Hinata finished with her food, and managed to escape to her room. As she looked through her pajamas, the heiress' eyes drifted over to her fluffy jacket. No one except Hinata herself knew the true reason she wore such a massive overcoat. In truth, for the longest time, another thing for Hinata to hate about herself was her body. Everywhere she went, when a Hyuuga woman was lauded for her beauty, people extolled her thinness and grace. Hyuugas were supposed to present a tall, thin silhouette, much like the supermodels of Fire Countries truly urban areas.

Hinata had never been like that. She had always been on the short side, and as she grew older, she had found herself developing differently than her cousins. Her hips were wide and her rear was round. And now, even at the age of twelve, she was starting to develop. When Hinata had been ten, one of her meaner aunts had sniped about what a horrible body Hinata possessed, how it was so bulging and not at all what a Hyuuga is supposed to be. This was yet another thing for her to be ashamed of, and so she wore that jacket to conceal herself from her father, lest he have another reason to be disappointed in her.

The pale-eyed girl stared at the jacket, actually able to taste the bile that rose in her throat as she remembered how much self-loathing that one comment had caused. Then and there, she settled on a course of action: she would embrace herself, whatever her body shape, and would no longer hide it. If she were to have Naruto accept her for who she was, she needed to truly be herself. Tomorrow, she would do away with all of her bulky and concealing garments, and go on a shopping spree… She looked over at the nightstand, specifically at her wallet. Yes, she'd use her credit card. It was about time her old man did something good for her.

**A/N:** Well, we're finally out of the preliminaries, and moving further and further out of canon. What did you think of Shigeru's family? How about Hinata's emergence from beneath her father's domineering shadow? I too have a one-month break, although it's from college, not the Chuunin Exams (although it would be awesome to have Shadow Clones), so expect faster updates during this period.


	18. Training and Flirtation

**Chapter 18:**

**Training and Flirtation (Or: Kyuubi's Home Improvement)**

His fists pounded against the tree, over and over again. His knuckles were raw and bloody, but he didn't care. After this, it was one hundred roundhouse kicks with each leg, alternating legs for odd and even blows. The blonde stepped back from the tree to admire the dents left by his fists. He was already growing more accurate with his strikes; the depressions were nearly perfect copies of his hands, meaning that the majority of his strikes had hit in precisely the same place. Naruto wiped his forehead and guzzled his sports drink, already feeling the Kyuubi's power healing the damage he'd inflicted to his knuckles. He hunkered down, steeling himself for the incoming pain, and began slamming his shins against the bark. After this, he'd pester Zabuza for some weapons training, and hopefully make it back in time for his ninjutsu coaching from Yasuo-sensei. The poor Mad Dog simply had too many students and not enough hours in the day, and had to schedule training sessions back-to-back.

Inside the Kyuubi's realm, the red-eyed man looked on in awe as his surroundings slowly changed, little by little. It had started with dim lighting appearing in the sewers' ceilings. Next, the pipes in the wall ceased leaking. The floors dried up and the dim yellow bulbs were replaced with fluorescent light fixtures. Could this be a reflection of Naruto's training? Was his desire to improve himself actually improving everything in his body, including the Kyuubi's jail? The demon lord straightened his vest, chuckling. "Keep it up, kiddo."

—SCENEBREAK—

Dasha practically danced across the water, even as the barrage of weaponry bore down on him and was deflected by his expert formation of a mere ten chakra threads. The kunai were replaced by shuriken, which were in turn exchanged for senbon. The heavy needles were soon charged with chakra, making them fly faster and hit harder, even possessing the potential to puncture Dasha's chakra threads.

Or rather, they had possessed such power. After his rigorous training with Haku, Dasha was learning how to focus his chakra into specific sections of his threads, making them more resilient to damage. For her part, Haku was an incredible opponent. Even without her Crystal Ice Mirrors, she was still insanely fast and attacked from a vast array of angles and directions.

Dasha set his feet in a nice defensive position, standing fast instead of retreating. "Alright, Haku. Now I'm coming after you!" The girl appeared several yards in front of him. "Very well, Dasha-kun. Take me down, if you can." The redhead grinned with a deranged glimmer in his eyes, leaping at Haku and swinging his chakra threads like a wet, epileptic cat. The black-haired girl rolled her eyes, launching a hailstorm of senbon at her opponent. The majority of the heavy needles were slapped aside by Dasha's chakra threads, but one broke free and struck Dasha straight in the eye. As soon as the needle impacted, Haku felt something around her throat, wrists and ankles, while Dasha exploded into a hornet's nest of kunai and shuriken.

From behind her, the real Dasha smirked into her ear. "Game, set, match." He pulled down, plunging her beneath the water. She thrashed and fought against the invisible restraints, but when she was about to drown, Haku found herself pulled to the surface of the water. She staggered to the beach, flicking her soaked hair back over her shoulders. The sopping wet girl popped her left arm back into place, having sprained it while trying to escape Dasha's phantom grip.

Haku looked over at the redhead to see his eyes slightly wide as he stared at her. In fact, if she didn't know better—no, it really was! There was a slight blush tingeing his pale cheeks! She kept a neutral face on the exterior but inside she was grinning evilly. The girl sauntered over to him. "Dasha, I'm so wet and sticky. Could you get me some new clothes? I just have to get out of these ones…" She gripped the bottom of her t-shirt, starting to pull it up. Sure enough, Dasha's blush increased exponentially and Haku began to giggle. "Okay, Red, here's the deal: I like you, and I know you like me. So let's start dating already!" Dasha blinked dumbly, and Haku rolled her eyes. "Good lord, I think I broke him…" She grabbed a clump of his hair, pulling him down into a kiss.

—SCENEBREAK—

Hinata Hyuuga wandered out of an upscale clothing store, not a single bag on her arm. Sure, the place was expensive and famous, but the problem was that it catered typically to Hyuugas. Hinata did not much resemble her relatives, and he didn't want to dress the same. As she walked through the town, she found herself bobbing her head to a tune drifting down an alleyway. She hung a Ringo down the corridor, following the music. The song, performed by a band famous for stoner rock, was emanating from a small novelties shop. They sold everything from posters (including ones of Sasuke Uchiha; Hinata made a face) to paperweights, and had a small but diverse clothing section.

The store's entry bell dinged as she entered, and Hinata immediately became the center of attention as all eyes settled on her. She looked at the employees and customers and then at her own outfit, which consisted of an overly large tee and pants with large back pockets to help conceal her curves, and immediately decided that this was the place for her. She gestured to her outfit. "Yeah. Why d'ya think I'm in here in the first place?" Several people chuckled, and business continued as usual. Hinata turned toward the clothes section and suddenly found herself staring at a flat, pale midriff. The Hyuuga heiress looked up, and up, into the face of an exceptionally tall girl. The young woman wore a nametag that read 'Asuka,' and she smiled down at Hinata. "So, what're you looking for in the way of clothes?" The bluenette smirked. "Well, I'm looking for a complete wardrobe overhaul, and money is no object. Think you can handle it?" Asuka grinned. "Follow me."

The next several hours (that's right, hours!) were spent selecting new clothes for Hinata's casual life, and for her ninja missions. She would model her outfit selections for Asuka, who was a brutally honest critic. If the Hyuuga looked bad, Asuka would explain in excruciating detail just HOW bad she looked, and where she'd gone wrong.

Within about thirty minutes in the store, Hinata had found herself beginning to sing along to the music being blasted, which soon got everyone in the store to start warbling the tunes. "One-zero, zero-zero-one-one, one-zero-one-zero-one! Half a mind to double up, baby! Three times as jive!" Asuke stepped in. "Man alive, the jivin' lyrics! Radioactive, don't come near it! Temple of Syrinx having the bake sale of the year!"

When she was finally finished shopping, Hinata slid forward her credit card, one of the few things still paid for by the Hyuuga family. "By the way, what's the name of this place, anyway?" Asuka shrugged in reply. "We never bothered to name it. We just sit here and say 'welcome'; we've never had a name, and we don't really need one. Advertisement's actually bad for a place like this. We're not mainstream, as you can hopefully tell, and going commercial would kill our customer base. And really, we'd all die a little inside if this shop became commonplace. We're indie, and proud of it." The tall employee smiled at her customer. "I'll see you around, eh Hinata?"

The blue-haired girl smiled right back. "Count on it."

———

Hinata returned home still wearing the clothes she had when she had first entered that store. She wanted to save that surprise for tomorrow, when she'd come out of the bathroom after her shower, clad in one of her new outfits.

—TIMESKIP—

Daichi Iwa crept up to the door, surprisingly stealthy for never having been given formal ninja training. He slowly, carefully turned the knob, silently pressing his shoulder against the door and gently pushing it open. He raised his tools, and struck!

**Whang-whang-whang-whang-whang!!!**

Daichi pounded the spoon against the metal garbage can as quickly and vehemently as he could. The terrified blonde fell out of his bed and began shouting at his friend's father until something invisible grabbed the can and began smashing it into Daichi's face. Dasha rounded the corner, growling like an enraged boar. His eyes had large gray-black bags beneath them. "Iwa, I will give you only one opportunity to run. After that, I will come after you. If I catch you, you lose. And you don't want to lose." Daichi nodded thoughtfully, and then bolted downstairs toward the front door. Dasha let out a whooping noise that sounded disturbingly like part of the trumpet song played by the British during hunts, and gave chase, carrying the trash can with him.

Naruto just stood there, and was soon assaulted by Ruki, who had come to investigate the noise. Of course, she didn't mean to assault him. She'd just picked him up into a disturbingly tight hug and wished him good morning. It was never her intention to dislocate his left shoulder.

—SCENEBREAK—

Hanabi Hyuuga pounded on the bathroom door. "C'mon, Hinata! Open up! I need to get ready, too!" Hinata flipped the bird at the door. "Wait your turn, Hanabi. Besides, there are plenty of bathrooms here. Did you happen to forget we're in a complex that covers several acres just of housing? That's not even mentioning all the additional land we have." Hanabi growled. Her sister might have just caught her. She wasn't being impatient; she was just trying to annoy Hinata. "But I wanna use THIS ONE!!! Open up! Openupopenupopenupopenupopenupopenupopen—" Hinata opened the door, and Hanabi tumbled into the bathroom. "All yours, shrimp," the elder sister smirked as she stepped over Hanabi's prone form. The younger Hyuuga looked back at her sister just in time to see a flash of black, red and silver round the corner.

Hinata headed to her father's dining room for breakfast, ignoring the stares she received on the way. There was only one person she cared to see her right now, and one more later. The girl threw open the double doors, striding over to the table. Hiashi Hyuuga took one look at his daughter, and his eyebrows practically flew off his head.

His daughter, the useless failure who had somehow deceived Neji so that she could win, was now wearing an outfit unlike any he'd ever seen her in before. Hinata's shirt tapered to accentuate her trim waist, and then flared out again to accommodate hips decidedly atypical for a Hyuuga. A pair of tight jeans accentuated the slimness of her legs and the curvature of her rear. A black leather belt studded with pyramidal chrome bolts sat at an angle on her hips, and a chain extended from her front right pocket to the back pocket on the same side. Hinata's hands were adorned with fingerless gloves, but not the kind utilized by jounin; these were biker gloves.

Not only did Hinata seem completely comfortable with this outfit, she even looked proud! Hiashi was dumbfounded. She even seemed proud of her figure, which was not of the proportions of normal Hyuuga women. "Hinata! What are you wearing!?" His daughter looked at him with malice in her eyes. "Of course, now you care about my life, when I'm doing something of which you don't approve!" Not giving Hiashi a chance to rebut, Hinata continued. "All my life, you've called me a failure and a disappointment! And you want to know what's really sad? For the longest time, I believed you! I thought that I was a worthless human being! I've even contemplated suicide, you bastard!" At this point, Hinata's emotions rather than her thoughts were directing her speech. "So now, I'm as done caring about you as you are about me. From this day, you mean as much to me as I do to you, i.e., nothing. Good day, Father. I'll be out until late tonight, if you ever start to care."

As she walked away, Hiashi stared at the combat boots on her feet. And on the back of her tee was emblazoned the crimson silhouette of a phoenix. Hinata was officially reborn, as a person who loved herself and life. No longer would she suffer through her father's criticisms; she would make her own way through life.

And, at the moment, she decided to head off and find Naruto.

**A/N:** If none of you guessed, hanging a Ringo is a right turn, as hanging a Louie is a left turn. So, what did you think of Hinata's retaliation against her father? Things just keep changing, don't they? Whether for better or worse, you'll have to keep reading to find out.


	19. The Sparring Match

**Chapter 19:**

**The Sparring Match (Or: Practice Makes Perfection)**

Dasha and Haku sat on a bench together after a long morning of training. Their day had begun with Yasuo and Zabuza giving their respective pupils a hefty dose of weapons training, and they had moved from there into an hours-long sparring session. Now, sweaty, exhausted and enamored with one another, the pair rested in a tender embrace.

Footsteps alerted the genin to another's presence, two pairs of eyes snapping to their left in order to see the newcomer. Dasha and Haku couldn't believe what their eyes showed them. Standing before them was Hinata Hyuuga, in a completely new outfit. Her black shirt and jeans clung to her body, accentuating a figure that had been hidden from the world for as long as anyone could remember. The redhead actually had difficulty believing the punked-out biker chick to be the heiress to the Hyuuga clan. "H-Hinata? Is that really you? Wow, you look, uh…" Haku, sensing his nervousness, finished Dasha's sentence with the exact adjective for which he'd been searching. "You look damn sexy, Hinata. Did you put on that outfit for anyone in particular?"

Hinata smirked. "Yeah, I did. It's for me. I've been hating myself for way too long. From now on, I'm living life on my own terms." She spun around, showing off the phoenix on her back. "So, you guys like?" The seated pair nodded the affirmative. The bluenette pointed at Dasha. "Do you where Naruto would be right now?" The redhead thought for a moment. "He's probably on the Hokage Monument right about now. He goes there practically every day for a little dose of courage. He's been pulverizing himself with training for the past couple of days." Hinata nodded. "Thanks, you two. I'll see you around."

As Hinata strode off, Dasha and Haku looked at one another. The young man grinned. "If that blockhead doesn't realize that she likes him when she's being so confident – and dressed like THAT – then there's absolutely no hope for him." Haku nodded sagely. "You got that right, Dasha." She laid her head on his shoulder. "No talking now. Time to pass out." Dasha snickered. "I can work with that." He let his head loll backward and let unconsciousness claim him.

—SCENEBREAK—

Naruto sat atop the Hokage Monument; more specifically, he was perched on the massive stone likeness of the Yondaime Hokage's head. From the time when he was old enough to understand about the previous Kage of the Leaf Village, Naruto had been infinitely interested in all three deceased Kage. However, the Yondaime had captured his interest more than any other, even the current Sandaime. The more he learned about Konoha's Yellow Flash, the more Naruto felt a personal connection with him. The records about the blonde Hokage reminded Naruto quite a lot of himself. The Fourth had difficulty taking things seriously, yet when his anger was aroused, he would not cease his assault until the target of his ire was utterly destroyed. The Yondaime could be intense one moment and laughing the next, his emotions flitting about like fireflies. He displayed immense loyalty to his friends and family, and would fight and die for them.

That part of the Fourth Hokage's story was what had made Naruto cry when he got old enough to understand death. The Yellow Flash fought the Kyuubi for his village, that was true; but the primary reason that he fought was because his wife was in labor and could not escape the village. He sacrificed his life so that she and their child could live on. But his wife died in childbirth, and the child was stillborn. Minato Namikaze had given his very soul to the God of Death, and his family was obliterated regardless.

Naruto could fully sympathize with that kind of crushing despair, the knowledge that you've lost everything no matter what. When he was younger, sometimes all he had to keep himself moving were his pranks and his ramen. Without something to interest him, something in which to place his frustrations, he likely would have simply died of pure depression. Now, though, Naruto had people who liked him, people who even loved him. Iruka-sensei was like an older stepbrother, and Hokage-jiji really was like his grandfather. Naruto's teammates were his best friends, and Yasuo-sensei was like a quirky uncle. Hell, Shigeru and his parents had even happily welcomed Naruto into their home, when all of the other adults shunned and hated him for the demon he kept jailed within himself. Now that he had people who cared about him, he was certain that he would not hesitate to sacrifice himself for them, as Minato had for his own family.

Hinata came walking up the sloping mountainside of the Hokage Monument's back half, and she found herself staring at an astounding sight.

Naruto sat cross-legged, sapphire eyes sparkling with conviction. His fist clenched periodically as he stared out into space. It looked as though he already were Hokage; Naruto somehow exuded an air of absolute authority. Hinata had no doubt that, if there were a sudden emergency and Naruto still looked like that, everyone would turn to him for guidance, possibly even before they looked to the current Hokage.

She strode up, placing a hand on his shoulder, and sat down beside him to stare out at the village. "It really is peaceful up here, Naruto-kun. The village and its problems seem so far away from on top of this monument…I could definitely use a break from my problems…" Naruto was drawn out of his reverie by the touch and looked over to see Hinata in her new outfit. His eyes couldn't help but roam across her form, taking clear notice of exceptional curves for a twelve-year-old. "You look…nice, Hinata." He suddenly remembered what she had said. "What problems are you having?"

The lavender-haired young beauty sighed. "I've been having most of these problems for years. In fact, one of these I've been dealing with since I was born. My father hates me and thinks of me only as a disappointment; my family's hierarchy is a disgusting jumble of reversed nepotism, and is quite literally a house divided; for the longest time, I hated my figure because I don't look anything like a Hyuuga is 'supposed to look'; and now, I've finally told off my father. I'll bet he won't even let me back in the family complex. He'll probably disown me and make Hanabi the heir-apparent, although it's not like that wasn't how it would turn out, anyway. He hated me too much to ever hand over stewardship of the clan to me." She sighed, her body shuddering at the final release of her emotions.

Naruto could think of nothing else to do but wrap his arms around her and hold her to his chest. "It'll be alright, Hinata. You'll see. If he disowns you, you could always come to live with Shigeru, Dasha and me, or maybe with Akane-neechan." He gave her a reassuring little squeeze. "No matter what, your friends will always be here for you…"

Hinata turned further into his embrace, burying her face in his chest. Her shoulders began to shake, and Naruto understood what was happening as soon as he felt a wetness soaking through his shirt. "Hey, now. No tears, Hinata-chan. You're too pretty to be crying your eyes out." He gently rubbed her back as she clutched his shirt and shoulder and continued to sob. Several minutes later, her tears finally slowed to a stop. Hinata pulled back to look Naruto in the eye. "Thank you so much for that, Naruto-kun." She looked away, chewing slightly on her lip as nervousness once again claimed her. She had released all of her emotions and quandaries except for one, and in her opinion, this was the last and largest issue of all. The blonde noticed her hesitation and pushed for her to open up. "What is it, Hinata-chan?" His second use of that term of endearment was what helped steel her resolve. "Naruto-kun, I…I really like you." He laughed slightly. "Well I should hope so! I really hope you don't go sobbing on everybody you meet!" Hinata shook her head, once more locking eyes with him. "No, Naruto I really—Oh, let me just explain it so you can't possibly miss my point." She leaned forward and pressed her lips to his in a brief, sweet kiss. There was no movement of the lips, no touching or groping, no tongue. It was the purest essence of what a kiss represents: a gesture of distilled affection.

Naruto blinked. "Y-you mean, you like me in a boyfriend-girlfriend sense?" Hinata nodded. The blonde broke out in a beaming smile wide enough to engulf the sun. "That's wonderful!" He threw his arms around her, nuzzling his cheek against hers. "I've always liked you, Hinata, but I never thought you'd return my feelings. After all, your family's so powerful and elegant, and I'm just an orphan." He couldn't possibly tell her the real reason why her family hated him, at least not yet. The bluenette cocked her head. "But, I thought you liked Sakura." Naruto nodded. "I did, and I'll tell you why: when I'd decided I'd never have a chance with you, I started looking for other girls. Sakura was the only girl my age who hated me for reasons other that whatever the adults keep citing for beating me up." He shrugged. "Maybe since I was born on the same day as the Kyuubi attack and my mom died giving birth to me, maybe they think I'm bad luck or something. Whatever the reason for their hating me, Sakura didn't hate me for that reason. She just thought I was a nuisance." Hinata giggled. "So, her hating you for being yourself was a good thing?" Naruto nodded, smiling sheepishly. "I suppose so, if you consider the alternative. After all, I'd never thought you'd return my feelings." Hinata hugged him tighter. "Well, you had more than a chance. You're the only boy I've ever had feelings for. It started when I first saw you; I thought you were just so cute!" He blushed. "And then, as I got to know you, I admired you for your strength. No matter what anyone might do to you, you never waver or break. You know what your dream is, and I have no doubt in my mind that you will become Hokage someday."

Naruto gave her a very mischievous grin. "So, I take we're boyfriend/girlfriend now?" Hinata nodded, a faint blush running across the bridge of her nose. His grin sharpened. "Then, might I tell you just how gorgeous you look in that outfit." Deciding to push his luck (after all, you only live once), he continued. "I don't suppose I could get you to stand up and model those clothes for me, could I?" Hinata mirrored his grin. "Why didn't you ask sooner?" Naruto's jaw dropped as Hinata slid out of his embrace and stood, turning this way and that in order to display her clothes and curves to the fullest. For her age group, Hinata had the most mature body in the village. Naruto had to admit that he especially liked the way her posterior filled out her jeans. "Now then," said Hinata as she finished her impromptu modeling session, "I don't suppose I could get you to do something for me?" "Name it," Naruto replied.

The girl smirked. "I want to spar with you, Naruto." The blonde raised an eyebrow. "Uh, why?" Hinata rolled her eyes. "Don't give me that garbage, Naruto. You and I both know that you were holding back against Shino. You're one of the strongest genin in the village, and I want to get stronger too. If we push each other to our limits – and then past them – we can both get stronger and stronger, until we achieve our dreams. You'll be Hokage, and I'll rule over the Hyuuga clan. Maybe I can actually sort out those idiots relatives of mine."

Naruto stood, dusting off his pants. "Okay then, Hinata. You want to spar with me?" He gave a sweeping European bow. "The lady's wish is my command." Hinata smiled. "Okay." She leapt forward, tackling him.

—MEANWHILE—

Yasuo Nagisa and Zabuza Momochi sat within the Bomb Shelter Bar, so named because the most-ordered drink was the IRA Carbombing. Considering their first meeting, none would have ever expected the duo to become friends and drinking buddies. But, as Zabuza had once said, Konoha was completely ass-backwards. As much as that had been a joke, Momochi would likely have had a conniption if he knew just how accurate his statement was. Konoha tried to murder their preteen savior on almost a weekly basis, the mantle of Hokage had been handed from a younger man to an older one, and the Konoha Ninja Academy preached that violence was only acceptable if provoked.

Zabuza gesticulated wildly as he described a particularly epic battle in which he and Hoshigaki Kisame had taken on an entire division of Iwa hunter-ninja. "So, Kisame picks up the Samehada again and he starts slicing and dicing through that chakra net, while five of these morons start performing these bizarre techniques and covering him in this green goop that acted a lot like spiderwebs. While shark-boy's stuck with them, I go off after those guys who snuck past us. I actually found them in a very well assembled blind, almost invisible to the casual eye. Unfortunately, it was only practically invisible. I swung the Kubikiri Houcho, chopping the thing to pieces. They scatter, and I have to start chasing down each of these little shits. Took for-frigging-ever, but I eventually caught them all." He downed another Jello shot. "So, I go back to see how Kisame was doing, and get this: he's stuck in that spider-snot! Turns out that he managed to kill them all, but they coated him in so much of that gunk that when he tried to pull himself free, he just got more coated until he just couldn't get loose! I had to spend three hours washing the stuff off him!" Yasuo snickered. There was nothing like a good war story to stir up the Schadenfreud.

The jounin snapped their heads down at the same time as a loud thud echoed from outside the bar. The men staggered outside to see Hinata flip Naruto off of her, leaping to her feet and dashing at him to deliver a crushing front kick to his chin. Naruto grabbed her outstretched foot, swinging her into the wall. "Give up! I don't want to hurt you!" Hinata gritted her teeth. "Worry about yourself!" In an impressive display of athleticism and flexibility, she bent nearly in half at the waist to reach his forehead, where she promptly struck a chakra point between the blonde's eyes. Naruto cried out in pain, releasing her leg as he clutched his face. "My eyes! I'm blind!" Hinata dropped low to the ground, delivering a sweeping kick that tugged the boy's legs out from beneath him. The lavender-haired heiress climbed atop him, her knee in his solar plexus, and pressed two fingers to his jugular. "…I win, but you can do better." Not waiting for him to reply, she continued. "I could feel it when you punched me sometimes: you're pulling your hits, trying not to hurt me. That's sweet, Naruto, but we'll never get stronger if we hold back." She collapsed on top of him, rolling off so that passersby wouldn't get explicit ideas. "When I can move again, we'll have another match. And this time you better not hold back, or I'll…or I'll never kiss you again!"

Yasuo and Zabuza looked at one another, and walked back into the bar.


	20. Inferno

**Chapter 20:**

**Inferno (Or: Traitors Revealed)**

Two weeks had passed since the conclusion of the second stage of the Chuunin Exams, and there was little more than two weeks remaining until the third and final stage, the massive elimination tournament. In the days since the second stage's conclusion, much had occurred. Orochimaru had murdered his own genin team for reasons unrevealed; Naruto had lost to Shino; Dasha, Shigeru and Akane had made it into the finals; Hinata had not only defeated her cousin and obtained a place in the third stage in the exams, she had completely taken control of her life; Haku and Dasha had begun dating, as had Naruto and Hinata.

And, over this time, Naruto and Dasha had been pondering on one particular subject: how to recreate – and improve upon – the streams of fire that Naruto had utilized against Shino's summoned mantis. During chakra training, Naruto would attempt to recreate the sensation, but with little success. Dasha was utterly miserable at making these weapons, as he had utterly no affinity with fire. He could barely produce a Grand Fireball, let alone freely manipulate elemental flame.

The redhead brooded over this situation during breakfast, causing Daichi to stare warily at him. Dasha hadn't antagonized Shigeru's father in several days, and the big man was now jumping at the sight of his own shadow, waiting for the other shoe to drop directly on his head. And, with his luck when it came to that maniac, the shoe would be sized to fit that foot from Monty Python.

Dasha, however, had utterly no interest in harassing Daichi at the moment. His mind was whirring at speeds so great that he was certain smoke had to be wafting from his ears. The little tapdancer inside his mind was beating feet at a breakneck pace, and even Dasha's eyes seemed less deranged.

Wait a moment, he said to himself, the whole reason that Naruto could make them and I can't is because of his affinity with fire, while I only have affinities with wind and lightning…but he also has affinity with wind, and…that's it!

The redhead leapt to his feet, nearly upturning the table. "I-reek-a! I have the answer!" He leapt across the table, smearing butter all over his ass, and grabbed Naruto by the head. "C'mon, dude! I've had an epiphany! But enough about my large intestine, I've had a great idea!" Naruto waved to his friends as the nutcase dragged him outside. "Bye, Shigeru. Bye, Ruki. Bye, Daichi."

Once they were outside, Dasha took his younger teammate through the forest to a nearby improvised training ground. Naruto held up a hand. "Uh, Dasha? Are you actually gonna tell me why we're out here?" The maniac set his friend down. "I hoped you'd never ask! I finally figured out how to make those flame strings again: it all has to do with chakra!" He straightened up, only to lean against a tree and slump once more. "Now close your eyes and focus inside yourself, Naruto. Feel for your chakra and tell me what you see, hear, feel, anything that comes to mind."

The blonde closed his eyes and immediately found himself face-to-face with his red-eyed tenant. "Some of the chakra you're gonna feel in here is mine. Don't mention the dark red chakra to Dasha. It'll just confuse him, and he doesn't need to be any more confused than he usually is." Naruto nodded, suddenly retuning to reality. "Well, Dasha, my chakra feels light and flighty, and if I had to give it a color, I'd call it blue." The redhead nodded. "That's right on the money. Most ninja find their chakra to have a light blue color, and your chakra feels so light because of your affinity with wind. Now, close your eyes and concentrate; go even deeper into your chakra, and tell me what you find." Naruto obliged, focusing as hard as he could. In his mind's eye, the whirling maelstrom of blue chakra suddenly parted into two components. One half was golden yellow, and the other was flickering orange. "And that's exactly what you want to focus on, Naruto," Dasha smirked. "These are the base elemental components of your chakra: the yellow is your wind chakra, and the orange is fire. Now, in order to create those coils of fire, you'll need to be able to individually manipulate your chakra. In this way, multiple elements are actually detrimental to a nin. For example, when I form my Tratnyr, I swirl my wind chakra around my arm and use my lightning to magnetize it, keeping the hurricane attached to my flesh. Otherwise, it'd just erupt around me and create mass destruction." He strode over to Naruto, beginning to demonstrate the passage of chakra and proper formation of elemental chakra. "Your goal is to eventually get your chakra to flow up one arm and divide itself. The easiest way to do this is to focus it into two fingers, which is why my Tratnyr looks the way it does. Your primary chakra flows into your index finger, while the secondary element goes into the middle finger. In the case of these fire threads, you'll want fire to serve as the primary element while wind will be your secondary: you'll use that to guide and control the fire."

Naruto just blinked at him. "…Buh?" Dasha rolled his eyes. "Okay, you know in Fullmetal Alchemist, where Mustang uses his alchemy to make those explosions? It's the same thing. The fire element makes the explosions, while you use wind chakra to direct the flames. In theory, we could make it work exactly like Mustang's abilities, but without the need for that Ignition Cloth nonsense." He stood behind Naruto, positioning the youth's arms. "Now, we don't want you to start with the chakra flowing up one arm, as they could interact. In your case, with wind and fire, it could result in a massive explosion and blow off your arm." Naruto blanched. He certainly didn't want that. "So, the way we'll avoid that for the moment is to channel your chakra up both arms. You'll divide it at the core, sending your wind up your left arm and your fire up your right. Extend both index fingers, touch them together, and that's how you'll release a blast. No clue what we'll call it, though." The blonde thought for a moment. "How about we call it the Hellfire Seeker?" Dasha grinned. "Fabulous. Now then, let's get back to our routine from Wave." He took up a combat stance. "Get to blasting, maggot! Or else I'm coming for you!" Naruto yelped and immediately began work on his new technique.

—MEANWHILE—

Hayate Gekkou knew that something was amiss. The signs were faint, if not altogether nonexistent, but he had learned to trust his gut instincts. And at the moment – and for the past several weeks – his instincts had been firing on all cylinders, telling him that Baki, the Sunagakure jounin, was up to something. Hayate had seen traitors before, and Baki had that air about him. The man was clearly unsure of his actions, but was likely hiding behind the excuse of 'just following orders.'

Hayate leapt off of the roof, landing gracefully on the soft dirt in the alleyway. He would get to the bottom of this, no matter what. With a quick hand sign, he faded into the shadows, seeking out Baki once more.

—TIMESKIP—

The one-month break period before the official final stage of the Chuunin Exams was drawing to a close. Naruto had come closer to mastering his new Hellfire Seeker technique, but the attack was rudimentary at best, and required far too much concentration to truly be effective as anything other than a distant sniper attack used to commence a battle. Life continued as per the usual in the Iwa household: Daichi and Dasha were still locked in a battle of pranks, words and blows, with Dasha typically coming out on top. Shigeru and Akane continued to make 'goo-goo eyes,' endlessly confounding their red-haired teammate. Naruto and Hinata had stepped up their training, and she was slowly displaying to him that she was not made of porcelain, despite her fair complexion. He was learning to exert himself in their sparring matches, and she in return utilized progressively deadlier techniques. As could be expected in any endeavor involving Dasha, he and Haku enjoyed an odd sort of relationship. They rarely kissed – or displayed any real sort of affection, for that matter – but they were frequently seen staring longingly at one another, and would be found flushed and breathless after being left alone for any length of time. Since Haku seemed quite open and earnest about their relationship, that only left one primary explanation for their secrecy, improbable as it might be: that, against all outward appearances and attention-grabbing displays, Dasha Ame might actually be shy.

And as for Hayate, he had been slowly amassing clues and circumstantial evidence providing loose and insubstantial proof that Baki – and potentially all of Suna's ninja force – was a traitor to Konoha. That night, he would get all the proof he needed.

—TIMESKIP—

Baki stood on the balcony of a random hotel room, staring up at the moon and waiting. He'd waited for far too long already and was not exceptionally keen on stagnating here much longer.

Finally, he felt the presence at his side. "About time you got here," he muttered. "It's surprisingly cold here at night, and I was getting bored." The newcomer chuckled, his obscenely white skin shimmering in the pale moonlight. "Oh, but Baki, it's been said that the moon seen from Konoha is one of the continent's most beautiful sights," Orochimaru rasped. Baki glanced back up at the moon and shrugged. "Eh, I'm just not much of a nature guy. So what did you have to tell me this time?" The snake nin continued to chuckle softly, staring up at the moon. "All of our plans are in place, and we are ready. With the combined might of Suna and Oto, we shall sever Konoha at the knees even as we cleave its head from its shoulders."

The bronze-skinned man grimaced. "I just don't like it, Orochimaru. It feels like a betrayal. I know that the Kazekage assigned me to this, but it still feels… It still feels just plain wrong." The snake scoffed. "Right and wrong are such ambiguous terms. Something that seemed right at the time could turn out to have dire consequences, while an event that felt wrong could have far-reaching benefits. It's so hard to see things in the present, and it's damn near impossible to look into the future. But at least out hindsight is 20/20." Baki shrugged, his vest rustling. "…Alright. I'm doing this for the Kazekage, not for you. If we meet under different circumstances, I won't even grace you with a nod or a handshake; understood?" Orochimaru nodded. "I'm no big fan of yours either, Baki." He stepped backward, seeming to melt into the shadowy wall. "Just get the job done, like a good dog."

The Suna jounin closed his eyes and sighed. He found himself in quite a predicament. If he went through with this mission, he'd be betraying his village's allies, and his own self-respect would be tarnished. But, if he refused, he'd be letting down his own home, his family honor, and his Kage. His eyes snapped open and he leapt to the side. A kunai lodged in the wall beside him with a heavy _thunk_. In less than a second, Hayate Gekkou appeared on the balcony guardrail, his eyes gleaming with disdain. "Well, well, Baki; you've certainly fallen in with a rough crowd. Rubbing shoulders with Orochimaru… I'm not sure if I should be impressed or –*cough*– thoroughly sickened."

Baki glared back at the chronically ill man. "You know as well as I do that we can't betray our villages. I'm just following orders. If the Hokage asked you to do it, wouldn't you?" Hayate nodded solemnly. "I'd do it, but only if I didn't have someone in whom to confide, someone willing to break the rules and to tell me to do so if he knew it was a bad idea." Baki hung his head slightly. "I don't have anyone like that." Gekkou smiled softly. "I do. Think we could share?"

Orochimaru's voice sliced through the night. "A coffin? No, I doubt you'd both fit. Besides, Baki is still of use to me. You, on the other hand…" He drew the Kusanagi from his throat and swung it down in a cruel crescent arc, intending to split Hayate in two. The weapon master swiftly drew a katana and parried as best he could, the blade cleaved in half by Orochimaru's superior sword. Hayate launched a hailstorm of kunai and shuriken at the legendary nin, forcing the pale man to give ground. Knowing that he didn't have a snowball's chance in Hell of surviving this fight, he pulled out a flashbang and hurled it at Orochimaru's feet, leaping away under the cover provided by the blinding light and deafening _KRAK_.

Hayate bounded across the rooftops at a breakneck pace, pushing himself to move as quickly as he possibly could. Orochimaru would be hot on his tail, and he needed to reach the Hokage tower before that scaly bastard got ahold of him. The moonlight made the shadows surrounding him unreal and terrifying. Everywhere he looked, it seemed, he would see something that resembled Orochimaru. With a determined cough, Hayate steeled himself for the final dash. He was only a few hundred yards away from the tower, and closing fast. He could practically count the passage of distance as he approached the tower. It actually reminded him of a football game. _He's at the 40, the 30, the 20! The 10! Touchdown!!!_

Hayate leapt into the air, hurtling toward a window in the tower. He never saw the writhing form jettison out of the shadows beneath him, never noticed the glint of steel as it rose to meet him. He didn't even feel the surge of pain from the cut until it was far, far too late. Hayate Gekkou's body crashed through the window, his head landing on the other side of the receptionist's desk. Orochimaru landed elegantly on the roof opposite the tower, and with a flourish, sheathed his sword in his belt.

What Orochimaru never saw was Hayate's mouth turning up into a slight smile just before he was wracked with the pain of being cut in half. The weapons expert had not left things to chance; he had confided in the most trustworthy person whom he knew would take this matter seriously.

—FLASHBACK—

_Yasuo Nagisa leaned dangerously far back in his chair, his feet propped up on his coffee table. He sipped a beer as he listened to Hayate's theories. "…So, you figure Baki's planning something, or at least that he's gonna be the one to implement the plan, right?" Hayate nodded, seated on a more traditional Japanese mat. "Right. Baki seems too squeamish to actually be the one who came up with this idea. And I don't mean that I think he's a weakling; I mean–" "I know, I know," Yasuo cut him off, "he's having second thoughts, but whoever assigned him this mission is either somebody close to him, or is someone of such high rank that a sheep like him would never even think of disobeying our shadowy orchestrator's orders." The black-haired jounin stretched languorously. "Baki's small-time, but he's probably getting communications from this higher-up through some means. Find out who's contacting him and how, and you'll find out who planned all this and what they intend to do."_

_Hayate nodded solemnly, standing up and moving to leave. At the last second, he turned around, fixing Yasuo with a gaze of adamant resolve. "I figure there's a better-than-likely chance that I won't make it out of this alive. I haven't told the Hokage about this yet, because I'm worried he might dismiss one person's ideas as nothing but a theory. If I can garner some substantial information, then he'll have to believe me. And if this mystery fellow – or Baki himself – kills me, then I want you to inform Sarutobi-sama of my ideas. At that point, we'll know that my theory was correct. Can I count on you, Yasuo?"_

_The Mad Dog of Konoha stared his compatriot dead in the eye. "Do you even need to ask, Hayate?"_

—END FLASHBACK—

That morning, as Yasuo stood over his friend's decapitated corpse, he cast his gaze to his left, his eyes resting squarely on the Hokage. "Sarutobi-sama, we need to speak."

**A/N:** No, I'm not dead! Been majorly busy, but I'm still alive and working hard. I'm trying my damndest to churn out my actual, profit-potential novel, and college is eating up a lot of time as well. But that's not without its benefits: already, in my first semester, I have a 4.0 GPA! Thank you, thank you.

I don't know when the next update will come, but it's coming sometime in the semi-near future.


	21. Blood Undone

**Chapter 21:**

**Blood Undone (Or: It's Time to D-D-D-D-Duel!)**

Naruto stood on the balcony, sweeping his gaze from left to right. "Wow, this stadium and others like it across the continent get their seats totally sold-out every two years for the Chuunin Exams, and yet I've never heard of it before. How does that work?"

Dasha shrugged from his position leaned against a tiled wall. "Because Kishimoto considered it a cool idea, but didn't bother to retcon himself, as is now typical of most American comics." Shigeru just stared at him, until Akane slapped the tall young man upside the head.

With a telltale puff of smoke, a jounin appeared in the center of the arena. Instead of Hayate Gekkou, however, it was someone else. Responding to the genin's confusion, the man spoke up. "My name is Genma Shiranui. Hayate-san is unable to continue his duties as proctor of the Chuunin Exams, so I am taking over his role." He held up a box, which bore a roughly hand-sized hole in the top. "One by one, I need each of the genin to come down and draw a ball from this box. The number on the ball determines who you will fight."

One by one, the genin filed down to where Genma stood, drawing balls from the box. At the end of the procedures, Genma had the names written onto the leader board, announcing them as he did so. "Number 1 is Douza Foi. He will fight number 2, Hinata Hyuuga, in the first match. After that, we have Kin Tsuki against Shigeru Iwa in the second match. Number 5, Dasha Ame, will fight Shino Aburame. Shikamaru Nara will have to contend with Sabaku no Gaara. Akane Hozuka will face Kiba Inuzuka, and Tenten Komaro will fight Sabaku no Kankurou." He stopped Sasuke from reaching into the box, informing him that it was empty. "And finally, due to a shortage of fighters, Sasuke Uchiha will fight Naruto Uzumaki in an exhibition match." Naruto and Sasuke turned to stare at one another, their eyes narrowing in challenge. Kyuubi's hackles rose, and a deep rumbling growl echoed through Naruto's psyche. _Keep a wary eye out, kid. That guy's gunning for you. I wouldn't put it past him to try an illegal "exhibition match" before your actual fight gets underway._ Naruto kept from nodding. 'I get the same feeling, Kyuubi.'

Before Genma could order the first match to commence, Hiruzen Sarutobi rose from his seat and cleared his throat, gaining the attention of all present. The Sandaime spread his arms and smiled widely. "Friends, neighbors, and visitors from other lands, welcome to the final tournament, the third stage of the Chuunin Exams! I applaud all of the young men and women who managed to make it this far. You are truly exemplars of the shinobi way of life." He drew in a breath, and that action alone changed the mood of the speech. "But these exams are not purely a means of nominating new chuunin; this series of test, and this arena in particular, represents a camaraderie between nations. Even though some of us are on poor terms with one another, we are willing to set that aside in order to root for the next generation, in acknowledgement that, beneath all of our idealistic differences and petty conflicts, we are all people, and all brothers in one sense or another."

As Sarutobi sat back down, the Kazekage looked over to him. "That was quite the poignant speech, Sarutobi-san. It seemed, however, to have been a sudden idea, from the expression on the jounin's face. Might I ask what prompted it?" The Sandaime Hokage smiled at his guest. "I just felt that I should share my feelings on camaraderie and alliances, Kazekage-san." The blue-robed man barely kept from quirking an eyebrow. What could that have meant? Did Sarutobi know?

Genma looked up to the Hokage's observation box, waiting for any other interruptions. Receiving none, he continued with his previous intent. "Now then, all other people please vacate the arena. It is time for the first match. Hinata Hyuuga and Douza Foi, step forward!"

Hinata tossed her leather vest to Naruto, stretching her limbs as she shuffled forward. She wore a lightweight sleeveless tee and shorts, in order to maximize her mobility. Douza smirked down at her, flexing his considerable bulk in a show of intimidation.

Genma looked from one combatant to the other. "Ready?" Receiving no reply in the negative, he raised his hand into the air, bringing it down between the two. "Begin!" With another puff of smoke, he appeared in the stands, leaving the genin to proceed with beating the hell out of one another.

Douza let out a war cry, charging at the small young woman. Hinata stood her ground, her eyes narrowing as her Byakugan activated. Team Seven's tank lashed out with a straight thrust punch, only to be utterly flummoxed as Hinata spun away, slapping his forearm with enough force to throw him off-balance, and following that with a kick to the ribs. The Hyuuga heiress exploited her open-toed combat sandals, thrusting her chakra through her toes as the Jyuuken typically was released through the fingers, and delivered a debilitating blow to his lungs. Douza dropped to his knees, sweeping his leg out in a full spin intended to take Hinata's feet out from beneath her.

The Byakugan bestowed to its bearer the mighty ability to see in every direction at once, but that didn't mean squat if one's reflexes weren't fast enough to do anything about it. Thankfully for Hinata, speed was on her side. She sprang into the air like a gazelle, performing a graceful flip and landing on her hands, bending backward to complete her flip. Unfortunately, this time speed and mobility were not luxuries enjoyed by the lavender-haired beauty. Douza planted an open-palm strike to Hinata's spine and ribcage, his considerable strength impacting her like a freight train and sliding her several feet. Hinata stood, coughing heavily as her bones bent back into place. It was time to stop fighting like they were in a sparring match: she and her opponent both wanted to win at any cost, so she needed to step up her game.

Douza drew several kunai, hurling them at the young girl and making hand signs as the weapons flew toward their target. Hinata easily deflected the projectiles with a kunai of her own, but was intrigued to see the blades sink into the grass when they landed. The large young man leered evilly, making the Release sign. His kunai shot back out of the grass, heading at her from every conceivable direction. The bluenette just chuckled lightly, extending her hands and spinning with impressive speed. _Hyuuga Defensive Technique: Kaiten!_ The field of chakra created by her rotation repulsed the blades with intense force, sending them flying at unbelievable speeds. Douza cried out in terror as several of the kunai stuck fast into his right shoulder and arm. His eyes snapped shut for a moment, and that was all the time Hinata required to close with him. 'Watch this, Father,' she smirked mentally. _Hyuuga Ultimate Technique: Eight Trigrams, Heavenly Palm!_ 'Two palms!' She lunged forward, virtually stabbing Douza twice in the chest with her chakra-enhanced fingers. 'Four palms!' She impacted his shoulders and hips. 'Eight palms!' His biceps, forearms, thighs and shins were next. 'Sixteen palms!' Her blows were growing steadily more specific, this time targeting particular chakra points running within her veins in a manner akin to ley lines. 'Thirty-two palms!' Thirty-two blows rained down on his ribcage. If the force of the strikes wasn't enough on its own, these hits impaired his respiration and heartbeat, essentially crippling him until he could receive proper medical attention. 'And finally, sixty-four palms!' Hinata's arms blurred as she struck faster than even the Sharingan could have followed. Douza's head, neck, chest, obliques, arms, legs, hips and joints were assailed with a seemingly unending deluge of blows.

Douza's eyes fluttered shut as he dropped to his knees before collapsing in the dirt. Genma sighed. "Y'know, that was kind of anticlimactic. You just poked him an assload of times, and he keeled over." He rubbed the back of his neck. "Anyway, I suppose the match goes to Hinata Hyuuga."

"Dammit! I'm not finished!"

Hinata whirled around to see Douza standing, albeit in a considerable amount of pain. He braced a hand on his knee, hunched over in an attempt to remain upright. She took up a basic Jyuuken defensive stance, but was surprised when Douza bolted at top speed, barreling into her and delivering a kick to her right side followed by embedding his fist into her left cheek. The Hyuuga heiress fell to the ground, somersaulting backward and pushing herself back onto her feet. She studied him, looking for some mistake she could have made, but all of his major chakra points were indeed closed, just as she had intended. How, then, was he still standing, much less fighting to the best of his abilities?

Douza just grinned like a tabby staring at a crippled parakeet, hurling a storm of shuriken at her before rushing back into melee, his fists impacting her delicate flesh. Hinata continued to pour her chakra into him, sending waves of pain surging through his nerves as she pressed on with her Jyuuken barrage. He stepped forward, pushing her thigh with his knee and forcing her to give ground, driving his fist into her stomach in a quick jab before bringing an uppercut to her ribs with the opposite hand. Hinata shifted into the gap created as he pulled back his fist, delivering a distracting blow to his sternum so that she would have a chance of striking him between the eyes, blinding him. Unfortunately, Douza caught her wrist and leered down at her. "You can hit me with that Gentle Fist style 'til Saint Patrick's Day, but I'll never go down. Just surrender now and I won't have to hurt you any further."

Hinata growled at him, voicing her reply. "Kaiten." She twisted her arm out of his grip, rotating with intense fury and hurling Douza against the coliseum wall. Foi staggered to his feet, popping his shoulder back into place with a grunt of pain. He moved forward only to find his progress mirrored by Hinata, who was now subtly bouncing on the balls of her feet. He threw out a straight punch and she pushed off with her left foot, lunging to her right and jabbing her fist into his nose. Douza's vision went white-gray for a picosecond before settling into a blurry, muted view of the world, his perception marred by dark-gray blotches. The lavender-haired kunoichi continued circling him, striking out occasionally with left-handed jabs. Finally, Douza roared and hurled a right hook at her. Hinata sidled to her right, taking the blow in her shoulder. She allowed the punch to spin her, adding momentum to her own haymaker, which she landed squarely on his jaw. Douza's teeth crashed into each other, and white-hot streaks of pain lanced through his body. She locked ankles with him, pulling back her leg and knocking him to the ground.

Hinata dropped down on top of him, holding a kunai to his neck. "This match is finished." Genma nodded. "Hinata Hyuuga is the winner. Douza Foi is out of the running."

The beautiful Hyuuga stood up, nodded to Genma, and then turned and blew a kiss to Naruto. She took eight steps before collapsing.

Two medical teams came to carry both combatants out of the arena, and Naruto followed Hinata as far as he could, before he was told that only family and team members could go further. Then, just as Zabuza had done when Naruto had been in the hospital, the blonde sat down and gave the stinkeye to the poor frazzled receptionist.

—CHUUNIN—

Genma checked the list on what appeared to be a napkin that he had pulled from inside his vest. "Alright, Hinata moves on to the next round, if she is found fit to compete by the next round. As for this round, the next fight is Kin Tsuki against Shigeru Iwa." A Konoha chuunin appeared next to Genma, whispering in his ear. "What!? Dammit, what's the point of mapping anything out anymore?" Shuranui sighed. "Fine… Since Kin seems to have disappeared, Shigeru Iwa automatically advances."

Up on the balcony, Shigeru nodded. "Yep, I'm just that awesome. People would rather run away than fight me." Dasha chuckled. "I think it has more to do with your rancid odor than your combat prowess." As per the usual, Akane smacked him upside the head, an action immediately followed by Shigeru.

Genma grumbled to no one in particular, writing down that Shigeru had advanced. In the margins, he had written a note to himself: 'Get your act together, folks! Total bullcrap!' Putting away his pen, he addressed the audience. "Next fight is Dasha Ame versus Shino Aburame."

In an instant, both nin were in the arena. If Dasha had been a dog, the hair on his back would have stood up. "We look after our teammates. I owe you some hefty payback for Naruto." Shino nodded imperceptibly. "Then come."

Not wanting to get in the middle of such tension, Genma just said 'Begin' and retreated to the stands.

Dasha immediately rushed the bug nin, swinging his chakra threads in a wide net. Shino dispersed his kikai beetles, watching as they latched onto the threads and began to gorge themselves. The redhead smirked, pumping more chakra into his primary weapons as though he were in combat against Haku. The additional energy packed into the threads caused the bugs to explode or catch fire, much to Shino's chagrin. Dasha wrapped one of his threads around Shino's neck, smirking. "Care for me to go any further, Shino?" Dasha could feel the Aburame's cold gaze from behind those black glasses. "You will have to finish me off, Ame. I will not surrender." The older teen nodded. "Have it your way." He began to pull tighter on the lone thread, only to be stymied when Shino's body disintegrated into insects. The bugs rushed Dasha, biting into his flesh and drinking deep of his chakra. He cried out, making the Kai sign and emitting a large pulse of chakra, frying the creatures.

Dasha began making hand signs, which were amazingly slow compared to his teammates. It seemed to require more concentration than average for him to form the hand signs. The signs finished, he held his hand to his mouth as though for the Fireball technique, but instead a lightning bolt arced down and struck Shino in the arm. The sudden shock caused the normally stoic Aburame to cry out in surprise and pain, clutching his left bicep as the residual heat continued to torment his nerves. Dasha smirked, readying his chakra threads for the next attack. "Don't think that you can tie me down to a specific set of moves, Shino. Unlike Naruto, I've already decided who I am."

Shino frowned, his beetles flowing out of his coat and surrounding him. "Regardless of what you may say, Ame, this fight is mine." Dasha laughed in reply, hurling several kunai only to have them blocked by Shino's bugs. "You'll need to do better than that to make this fight yours, Aburame!"

Dasha closed with Shino, lashing out with his right leg in an aerial roundhouse kick. At the last second, he twisted his body, pulling back his leg and striking instead with his right fist, grinning cruelly as his knuckles impacted Shino's temple. The retaliation was devastation, however, as the kikai beetles swarmed over Dasha's form, devouring his chakra supply. The redhead exploded, sending blades in all directions. The beetles floated in midair for several seconds, before a tiny, glowing orange mote, the size of a marble, flew into the center of their congregation. The orb erupted in licking flames, the miniature inferno devouring the beetles caught within its radius.

Shino cried out as he felt hands grab his ankles, pulling his body into the dirt. Finally only his head was left aboveground, the rest of his body immobilized by the tightly compacted earth. Dasha stood above him, bending forward with his elbow resting on his knee. "I'd say you lose, Shino."

The quiet youth nodded solemnly. "If I may ask, how did you manage such a clean replacement with your clone?" Dasha chuckled softly. "I didn't. You were fighting a clone the entire time. I was waiting in the stands, behind that wall." He pointed to a particularly high wall. "When it was time, I dropped down into the arena while you were distracted by fighting my clone. I sank into the ground with the Headhunter Technique," he lowered his fingers from his eye level to about chest level, "snuck over," he slowly moved his hands away from himself, "and POP!" He slid his right arm through the circle created by his left hand's fingers, mimed grabbing something with his right hand, and pulled it down through the hole.

Genma helped Shino out of the hole. "Very well, the match goes to Dasha Ame." He checked the list. "Next, we have Shikamaru Nara versus Sabaku no Gaara." The entire audience looked over to the balcony to see Shikamaru draped over the guardrail, snoring slightly as drool dripped from his lip. Gaara, on the other hand, was descending a staircase made of sand. The sand from the passed stairs would shift through the mass, reappearing at the bottom as more steps. A small line of sand connected him to the wall, and it continually reeled him in. Even though he was inexorably walking forward down the stairs, he never got any further away from the wall. It was an impressive sight to say the least, and that one action served as exceptionally effective intimidation.

Unfortunately, this intimidation factor was lost on Shikamaru, who continued to snooze. Eventually Shigeru got fed up, tied a rope around the Nara's waist, and lowered him down to the arena. He let go of the rope when Shikamaru was about five feet from the ground, and as expected, the impact jarred him awake. He looked around, still lying on the floor. "…Alright, where am I?"

Gaara laughed with a feral undertone. "You are upon the sacrificial altar. Offer your blood to her!" Shikamaru rolled his eyes. "Troublesome… Listen, dude, I'm tired. I want to sleep. Just wait a few minutes for me to meet my hourly quota." Sand began to whip around him. The lazy nin gritted his teeth. "If I have to get up, I'm kicking your ass." Thick tendrils of sand whipped down at him, forcing Shikamaru to roll aside. The sand bored holes deep into the hard earth, receding as Gaara stared mockingly at him. The spiky-haired young man popped his neck as he shuffled a foot in the dirt. "Alright, that's it. I'm beating you so hard, you're going to end up in another family."

Sand rushed at Shikamaru, and he leapt away from it in the least graceful manner imaginable, landing on both feet with a soft thud. His moves, as always, were designed to conserve energy. After all, Shikamaru didn't want to exert himself. He'd rather be asleep. The sand snapped at his ankles, swirling violently as it struck out at him, and building in rage as it continually missed by mere inches. Gaara roared, clearly pissed. "Stand still and fight, you insect! I'll crush you beneath my boot!" The Nara heir smirked. "That's not much incentive for me to stand still, dude."

Gaara began hurling sand shuriken at his opponent, growing more furious by the second. Shikamaru merely had to estimate the speed and trajectory of the sand weapons in order to dodge them with comical ease.

The Suna jinchuuriki closed his eyes, realizing that going on the offensive wouldn't result in any success. The sand erupted from his gourd, surrounding him and forming a protective sphere. Shikamaru blinked, confused. He paced around the orb, looking for a weak point. Seeing no glaringly obvious cracks, he decided to experiment with projectiles. His kunai would embed themselves in the solid sand, before the substance would loosen and become fluid, disposing of the offending weapons.

Shikamaru threw another fusillade of kunai and shuriken, drawing two more for later use. He waited until the sand began to shift, and then threw his next kunai, which bore an explosive tag. The instant before it detonated, he threw another one. The first explosion burst a hole in the sand shell, allowing the second explosive kunai to enter past Gaara's protective casing. The sound of the second blast was almost drowned out by a cry of pain. The sand exploded, flying in all directions, and the Konoha jounin had to intervene to stop shrapnel from obliterating the audience. As Gaara continued to scream, Baki depressed a communicator hidden in his ear.

"Begin."

Luminescent feathers surrounded the arena, signifying a sleep genjutsu which incapacitated a vast number of spectators. Outside, the combined forces of Sunagakure and Otogakure began to move in on Konoha. Following behind the first wave of troops was an utterly massive Orochi, its inexplicable ascot bearing the sign of Orochimaru's curse seal.

Four ninja leapt onto the roof of the Hokage's observation box, swiftly cycling through hand signs and constructing an intimidating purple shield. The ANBU leapt at the shield, displaying astounding foolishness for the supposed commandos of Konohagakure. As soon as they impacted the shield, their bodies were enveloped in dark flames which did not cease burning until their flesh was completely vaporized. The Kazekage leapt from his seat, grabbing Hiruzen Sarutobi and holding a kunai to his throat. "This is the beginning of the end, Sarutobi. Your village will burn." Sarutobi turned his head as much as the blade would allow, glaring at the Kazekage out of the corner of his eye. "Why, Kazekage-san? Why did you betray us?"

The blue-robed leader chortled. "Kazekage-san? Don't you mean," he removed his hat and mask, "Orochimaru-SAMA!?" Hiruzen nodded. "I'd suspected as much, Orochimaru." He removed his own hat and cast it aside. "But, what made you think that I was Sarutobi?"

Orochimaru blinked. "What do yo–" A roof shingle struck him in the head, sending the snake tumbling to the ground. Standing where the Hokage's hat had landed was the Sandaime. The man whom Orochimaru had assumed to be Sarutobi made the Kai sign, transforming into Yasuo Nagisa. The Mad Dog smirked. "Don't look so surprised, Orochimaru. I thought snakes were all about deception." He dropped into a combat stance. "Now then, show me why you're supposed to be a legend!"


	22. The Immigrant Song

**Chapter 22:**

**The Immigrant Song (Or: Walking on Air)**

Team Three converged around Dasha, carefully assessing the situation instead of just leaping into combat.

"Alright," the redhead spoke with surprising authority, "what do we know? This attack is relatively small, and other than that box-thing over there," he gestured at Orochimaru's barrier, "there's not much threat here considering the sheer number of veteran ninja available."

"Then this must be a distraction! Concentrate our efforts here and attack somewhere else!" Naruto leapt into the air only to be pulled back down by Dasha's chakra threads. "And where do you think you're going, Zippy? Yasuo-sensei has a special mission for you!" Dasha pointed the blonde toward the retreating Gaara. "Your mission is Search and Destroy. Gaara cannot be permitted to unleash Shukaku and exterminate us." With that, Dasha released Naruto and the shorter genin shot off after Gaara.

"And what about you?" Shigeru asked the team's interim leader. Dasha grinned in reply. "I've been assigned to deal with the other Sand kids, while you're joining Daichi." The broad-shouldered young man slapped a hand to his forehead. "…He asked my dad for help? Oh god."

—SCENEBREAK—

As more and more Suna ninja rushed past them, the small cabal of Otogakure jounin stood around what looked to be some sort of summoning circle straight out of Fullmetal Alchemist. Each of the robed nin performed a perfectly synchronized dance with a summoning scroll, their combined chakra pulsing with incredible power as they filtered their considerable collective might into the circle.

The way was open, the beast coming through. Now all that was required was to finish the binding. That was when one of the jounin's heads exploded in a cloud of red mist. The ritual faltered and shattered as another startled ninja died in the same manner as his compatriot. The titanic orochi rose from the summoning circle, and began to devastate the remaining jounin.

Far away, lying atop the roof of her house, Ruki Iwa grinned into her headset microphone. "I got two of 'em, sweetie," she said as she reloaded her bolt-action sniper rifle. "You take the beastie."

Daichi Iwa looked to his left and right, nodding to the ninja at his sides. To his right was Zabuza, armed to the teeth and grinning like a madman. To Daichi's left stood Rikimaru, a jounin from Kusa who had joined in the fight to avenge the deaths of his students at Orochimaru's hands. "Ready, guys?" he grinned, performing the Titan Armor Technique.

Zabuza nodded, his grin splitting his face even further. "This is going to be a bloodbath," he exclaimed giddily, activating his Hidden Mist Technique. Rikimaru said nothing, but tightened his grip on his katana.

Daichi slunk forward, blending in with piles of stones as he headed toward the last sighted location of the orochi. Zabuza simply cackled as the first wave of Suna ninja suddenly found themselves engulfed by impenetrable fog.

—SCENEBREAK—

Yasuo danced backward, parrying another of Orochimaru's graceful strikes. "Your technique's good, I'll give you that;" he glanced at the shining Kusanagi. "And your sword hasn't been damaged by my superheated kukris, so that alone is unique." He leaned his head to the side. "Sarutobi, you okay back there?"

Hiruzen deflected a mighty blow from the Shodaime's corpse. "Yeah, just –ungh!- peachy, Yasuo! Just take him down already and stop playing!"

"Does that mean I have permission to use village secrets?"

"Yes," Sarutobi replied, exasperated. "No holding back! Bring him down, kill him if you like! Just end this before something bad happens!"

Yasuo grinned at the self-proclaimed Otokage. "Well, then… You get a treat, Orochimaru. For someone who enjoys secrets, this should have even more significance for you: see the true might of Konoha's Mad Dog!" He suddenly barreled straight for the pale man.

Orochimaru had to resist rolling his eyes at the predictable maneuver. He knew that "secret" style of taijutsu. As a former jounin of Konoha himself, of course he knew it. He lazily placed his blade where Yasuo would end up, intending to let Yasuo's momentum kill the big man.

The blow never came. Instead, powerful jaws clamped down on Orochimaru's leg as a massive, shaggy hound lifted the snake ninja into the air and swung him violently from side to side before hurling him against – and through – the massive tree that the Shodaime had summoned. In an instant, Yasuo stood where the dog had. There was no transformation sequence, no release of chakra…nothing existed to indicate that Yasuo Nagisa had ever been anything different. He was hound and man at once, and could switch between forms as easily as anyone else could switch his eyes from open to closed.

Before normal eyes could register the movement, Orochimaru burst from the shattered tree and hurtled for Yasuo, his sword ready to deal the killing blow. Again, the blade never found a home, as Yasuo suddenly shot back dozens of feet. Orochimaru blinked. "…Dove style? The signature taijutsu of pacifist medic ninja?" Yasuo just grinned back. "Full of surprises, aren't I?"

"Yasuo!" The jounin turned at the sound of his name, seeing Sarutobi in a fighting retreat against the Nidaime's corpse, water surging toward the old man. Without another word, the men knew what would happen next. Sarutobi activated a powerful fire-style technique, causing the water to erupt into steam, as Yasuo hurtled into the fray.

"Interesting fact: you need air to breathe. So, you're going to either boil, steam, or fry!" He performed a complex series of hand signs, including some that seemed to be entirely made-up. _Nagisa Secret Technique: Steam Termination!_

The steam in the air condensed into a solid sphere around the Nidaime, as the water became so superheated that it began to turn a luminous white. The sound of boiling water was so loud that it all but drowned out the dying screams of the Hokage's corpse. The sealed kunai within his body dissolved, as did his remains once nothing was left to hold them together.

Yasuo glanced at the Sandaime Hokage. "What do you think? Switch?" Sarutobi grinned. "Hell yeah!"

Orochimaru was equal parts bemused and enraged by the display of power that annihilated the Nidaime's body. He'd been aware that the resurrected corpses weren't fully comparable to the originals, but he hadn't expected one to be that easily terminated. "So, Sarutobi-chin, do you expect to defeat me? I haven't yet begun to fight!"

"Neither have I," Hiruzen replied confidently. He took a step forward, and their deadly dance began. In the background, Yasuo toyed with the Shodaime. This was not a fair contest by any means, as his superheated kunai could reduce the first Hokage's signature trees to ash before they could even begin to be a threat, and so the Shodaime's ace in the hole was negated while Yasuo's hound form proved to be far more maneuverable than the corpse had anticipated.

—SCENEBREAK—

Hinata hated her life.

Sure, things had gotten better recently, but on the whole the world had been pretty shitty toward her, and today was no exception. She had been separated from her team and, deciding that it would be far more dangerous to try sneaking through legions of enemy ninja to rejoin Kiba and Shino, she had instead opted to try chasing after Naruto. This had caused her to run straight into a quartet of Suna jounin tasked with guarding Gaara during his transformation. Hinata could only hope that Naruto's near-legendary stealth had allowed him to sneak past them, because otherwise her Naruto had died at the hands of these men…

She had fought hard, but four jounin had easily overwhelmed her. Now they held her down and happily discussed who would get the first turn violating her. They were so caught up in leering over her impressive figure that they didn't notice the soft hiss of the senbon until it was too late. Each of the four dropped, and Haku emerged from hiding.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there earlier, Hinata, but I needed them to drop their guard." She shoved two of the bodies off of her friend, offering the Hyuuga a hand up. "Are you alright?"

Hinata nodded. "Just battered and bruised. You stopped them before anything really bad could happen." Haku smiled. "Good. Now you find somewhere safe to hide. Now that I've confirmed Suna presence on this side of Konoha, Zabuza-niisan would think less of me if I didn't root out anyone else trying to break in." Haku dashed off toward Konoha's massive walls.

The blue-haired girl nodded again, and decided to try finding Naruto and offering him tactical support if he needed it.

—SCENEBREAK—

Kill. Maim. Destroy. Exterminate. These were the only thoughts running through the orochi's triple brain as it headed into Konoha in search of the largest concentrations of life to end. Not bound to serve a particular agenda, it attacked ninja of every nation and creed, intent on killing anything it could find. It had pounded through Konoha's wall, but the Suna/Oto forces could not attempt to lead the charge through that breach. The orochi was quick to make them its prey whenever they tried to maneuver around it. It moved toward the arena, murdering everything in its path with reckless abandon.

That is, until it was confronted by two genin. Shigeru stood tall, encased in his Titan Armor, and Akane had four massive sealing scrolls on her back, each scroll over half her height! "You get first shot, hon," Shigeru pleasantly said to his girlfriend.

"Thanks, babe," Akane replied as she unfurled two of the scrolls, the paper spreading horizontally in seemingly endless lines, curving slightly to remain pointed at the orochi. When she forced chakra through the seals, they opened…and hell poured forth. Dozens, hundreds, thousands and more kunai hurtled out of the seals at nearly the speed of sound, each one carrying a mote of her explosive flame chakra.

Alone, a single Fireball Technique wasn't enough to even pester the orochi. Thousands of explosions all slightly less impressive than a Fireball and far more concentrated caused it to take notice as its scales buckled and shattered, blood pouring forth. Before it could recover, Daichi erupted from the ground, his massive and clearly more powerful Titan Armor making him a ten-foot colossus. Massive, three-fingered stone hands grabbed onto the orochi's body where the tails and necks converged into one point, and he held the beast in place. "Now, Shigeru!"

Daichi's son braced himself, held his breath, and charged forth, leaping into one of the serpent's mouths. In its rage and thirst for vengeance, the orochi eagerly snapped its jaws shut around him. It was about to turn its attention toward Akane and Daichi when Shigeru burst from its skull, brain matter scattering through the air as the massive head crashed to the earth.

—SCENEBREAK—

"Shit!" Kankurou staggered back as his chakra puppetry was rebuked yet again. Almost without effort, Dasha used his own chakra threads to sever the connection between Kankurou and his doll Karasu. Temari wasn't much help, as Dasha had immediately shredded her fan, leaving her with unaugmented wind techniques.

"Are you sure you two don't want to give up? This is your last chance…" Seeing that neither of the Kazekage's children intended to surrender, Dasha just shrugged. "Have it your way." Kankurou and Temari once again regretted not being able to see chakra as Dasha wrapped his threads around their necks, pulled tight, and slammed the siblings' heads together with enough force to render them both unconscious for a considerable length of time.

—SCENEBREAK—

Iruka was frantic. He had been evacuating his section of the academy class toward a safe house when the war found them, and it had been entirely up to him to keep the children safe. He had always kept them at the fringes of the conflict, making sure that there were other things which ranked higher in priority over them.

The Konoha ninja had made a fighting retreat, leaving Iruka and his students in no-man's-land with Suna/Oto forces closing in. That's when the fog appeared.

Just as a legion of Suna Chuunin arrived and began to make a beeline for the children, thick fog obscured all vision, engulfing the attackers. Iruka's hollow reassurances to the kids that everything would be alright were interrupted by homicidal laughter, agonized screams, and the slick, wet sound of a blade through raw flesh. Then, everything went quiet.

"Turn 90 degrees to your right and just keep walking until you exit the fog. You should find a safe house," said the same voice that had been laughing.

Iruka nodded. "Thank you, Zabuza-san," he swallowed heavily as he noticed that the blue fog had begun to turn vaguely purple in areas.

—SCENEBREAK—

Naruto had seen some messed-up stuff in his lifetime; there was no denying that. This, however, took the cake easily.

What had once been a sand cocoon now stretched into the sky, forming an emaciated, skeletal, and wholly unnerving creature of sand, with one eye vacant and the other occupied by Gaara's body. It was still forming, but Gaara could respond well enough. "So, Uzumaki, was it? Why have you come?"

Naruto pointed up at Gaara with more authority than he knew he possessed. "I'm here to stop you, Sabaku no Gaara! You will not destroy my beloved home! I will see you dead and Skukaku devoured before I allow you to visit any further harm upon Konoha!"

Gaara grinned evilly. "Oh, really? I can feel that we are the same, but I hold far more strength than you could ever hope to possess!"

Hinata, who had been watching from the shadows, gasped as Naruto's voice took on a dual quality, and the transparent image of a tall, brown-haired man overlaid the blonde's own form. "We'll see about that, Gaara! I intend to put you in your place!" Hinata could have sworn that the second voice had said 'Shukaku' instead of Gaara's name.


End file.
